I want DD to leave her job

[Pleasequityourjob]

DD (25) has been working as a TA in a special school for over a year.

She's working with a really tricky 11 yr old who communicates using aggressive behaviour regularly. She's regularly bitten, pinched and punched. When the child is in crisis, the child will run towards her to attempt to hurt her. She says she deflects and avoids lots of his pinches/bites, but it happens so often that several injuries land.

All I can see are her scarred hands that the protective gloves don't protect. There are months of scarring on them, as well as two fresh scabs from today. She was deflecting the questions asking about bruises on her limbs.

The school do not allow staff to leave children in crisis alone in a room and supervise through a window, so she has to tolerate these injuries as part of her job. She has to stay in the room and take whatever the child gives that she can't dodge.

She enjoys her job and doesn't want to leave. She describes the injuries as the less good bit. She said her team just accept this is part of their work, no one likes it, but they care about the children.

I just want her to leave before she's seriously injured. I can't believe that a school would be ok with their staff being routinely injured in this way. At the very least, they aren't paid enough on a TA salary.

The calm part of my brain says its her life, her choice and to keep quiet, but that's my baby getting hurt day in, day out. It's so hard to see.

AIBU wanting her to leave?

I do think you are being unreasonable. If your daughter is happy doing this job it is her decision. I have just retired from a school exactly like this. The children could be incredibly violent and I have taken staff to hospital with injuries on many occasions. However, most of our staff have been there for a long time and the staff team are close knit and dedicated. I have never worked anywhere that had such a close family feeling and perhaps your daughter feels the same. There are moments with the children which remind you why you do this job.

YANBU to want her to but YWBU to actually ask her to, given her age. She’s a grown up who enjoys her job. I find it hard to believe someone would stick around in that job unless they actually found it rewarding/fulfilling.

Are you going to pay her the equivalent of her salary if she does what you want her to do?

YANBU to want her to leave but you be unreasonable to ask her to.

She clearly enjoys her job and she's clearly much needed there.

I don't blame you for worrying though.

I have friends and family in the NHS (A&E), the police and parking enforcement and I worry about them all.

But their jobs were their choice.

I sympathise. A family member doing the same was poked in the eye and it affected her vision. They are not paid enough. It feels like health and safety goes out the window in this job.

She's 25 and it's her decision, not yours. However, my dd worked in a SEN school for quite high needs children and there were protocols to prevent this. Staff had radios, were trained to "hold", would not have been left alone with a particularly unstable child.

@Pleasequityourjob let go for the sake of your daughter.

It is her choice. She currently feels that the positives of her job outweigh the negatives. Only she can decide

I admire people who work with kids like this. I really do. Your daughter's 25, she isn't going to leave a job because you want her to and neither should she.

I'm about to leave working as a TA in special school after 20 years.
It is, sadly, a regular feature of the job when working with children who have behaviours that challenge. BUT there should be policies and protocol.. a child who inflicts a lot of damage should not be 1;1 in a safe space :(

Most of us have scars (my arms are similarly scratched up to hell) and we don't enjoy getting hurt. BUT it can also be an incredibly rewarding job in a way that is hard to explain to anyone not doing it, and we don't take it personally.

I can't count the injuries I've had over the years, but like your daughter I love the kids. I'm leaving because after 20 years I'm knackered and we have new management and I am very disillusioned with the way my school is being run, but you should not be trying to influence your daughter... a grown adult... to change her job that she enjoys, even if the pay IS crap!

Let go of what @RosesAndHellebores ? I don't understand.

Thank you those of you for sharing your experiences although @Icequeen01 - you've worried me even more by saying you've taken staff to hospital on many occasions.

In DDs case, I just don't understand why she, and other staff, must stay in the room with the child and allow themselves to get battered by them. If the adults can safely get themselves out and leave the child in there to not be hurting anyone whilst watching them through a window, they should be allowed to do so, surely?

I know I'm NBU wanting her to not get hurt daily. But I also know it's her life, her job, and I'll keep it buttoned in.

I’m afraid unless you have experience of living or working with these children then you’re not going to ‘get it’. You’re not BU to worry about your daughter but she’s an adult and you’re not seeing the whole picture. If it wasn’t for wonderful people like your DD these children wouldn’t be able to go to school. My DD also works in a special school and I couldn’t be more proud of her. The joy she gets for seeing progress in the children is huge and more than makes up for the challenging days.

This situation sounds concerning.

Ask your daughter what training has been provided to her so that she can help the child to learn to communicate differently, such as with picture cards etc, or even start to speak. ‘Communication through aggression’ shouldn’t be accepted as the norm, but as a sign of distress and frustration. This phenomenon is associated with changes of routine, an inability to express needs and wishes, or even things like too much noise.

What therapy or education is this child getting from other experts in the school? The child will soon get bigger and stronger due to puberty. Simply supervising is not an option. Special schools cost the taxpayer A LOT of money and this child needs and deserves specialist education for their safety and wellbeing now and later as an adult.

Also ask your daughter what support she is getting from leaders in the school? Your daughter sounds caring and committed and that’s credit to you for raising such a lovely person, but her employer also needs to ensure she is safe at work.

I don’t think your feelings are unreasonable at all. She’s still your child and you want to protect her. But it’s her life and her path to take and I’m sure you know this anyway.

Agree with pp though that this should be raised with her management but again, that’s up to her to do.

It's not acceptable for someone to be injured at work. The more we openly talk about this as a society, the more support and funding these schools and students should get.

I totally agree with you OP. No job should be joy at the expense of injury.

I completely disagree with most PP, whilst you can’t make her leave it’s also important that she knows that she can, and that you’ll support her if she does. It’s also vital that she understands that she shouldn’t allow herself to be put in unsafe situations or emotionally blackmailed into working in an unsafe way.

This.

She's going into work to be injured.

I don't see why, if the child is safe inside a room, she and her colleagues aren't allowed to step outside the room to prevent further injuries to them whilst the child is calming down.

Your Dd chose this job good for her .she is trying her best for this child. Who.has a disability and struggles what do you think should happen to children like him ?

Ah right i.see how you think you want disabled violent. Children isolated. At least your Dd has compassion.

Children who are displaying aggressive behaviour legally cannot be left alone due to the risk of injury to themselves. This is probably why your daughter is required to stay with the child.

Many special schools train staff in how to safely react and contain aggressive behaviour directed at other people. The requirements are that these interventions must not cause harm, not be unnessecarily restrictive, must be used only sparingly.

Of course she will be aware she can leave she is a grown womam.

I think the child should be safe and looked after alongside the adults supporting them being safe and looked after.

I certainly wouldn't be happy that this is my childs working environment.
Yanbu.
I don't think you can force the issue beyond asking her does she really want this to be her career.
It sounds very stressful.

She needs to ensure she's a member of a trade union. They could perhaps help in terms of insisting the best PPE is provided.

You are not making sense you want children to be safe and looked after but you don't want them safe and looked after because your Dd is being hurt ? Children being left alone to "calm down" can be to their detriment.

My school was a specialist school with all staff therapeutically trained and also trained to hold children if necessary to prevent them hurting themselves or others. Sadly this still won’t stop staff getting hurt or children hurting themselves and damaging property. Our children’s violence was trauma based and we would never leave a child on their own when their behaviour escalated to a point of violence. Indeed, our children were never left on their own full stop. This sort of job is truly a calling and you can either do it or you can’t, I don’t believe there is a middle ground. Your daughter sounds wonderful and you should be proud of her.