I want DD to leave her job

[Pleasequityourjob]

DD (25) has been working as a TA in a special school for over a year.

She's working with a really tricky 11 yr old who communicates using aggressive behaviour regularly. She's regularly bitten, pinched and punched. When the child is in crisis, the child will run towards her to attempt to hurt her. She says she deflects and avoids lots of his pinches/bites, but it happens so often that several injuries land.

All I can see are her scarred hands that the protective gloves don't protect. There are months of scarring on them, as well as two fresh scabs from today. She was deflecting the questions asking about bruises on her limbs.

The school do not allow staff to leave children in crisis alone in a room and supervise through a window, so she has to tolerate these injuries as part of her job. She has to stay in the room and take whatever the child gives that she can't dodge.

She enjoys her job and doesn't want to leave. She describes the injuries as the less good bit. She said her team just accept this is part of their work, no one likes it, but they care about the children.

I just want her to leave before she's seriously injured. I can't believe that a school would be ok with their staff being routinely injured in this way. At the very least, they aren't paid enough on a TA salary.

The calm part of my brain says its her life, her choice and to keep quiet, but that's my baby getting hurt day in, day out. It's so hard to see.

AIBU wanting her to leave?

How?

This must be so upsetting for you OP. I work with young adults & adults with additional needs, many of whom struggle to regulate their emotions; I've never encountered violence & frankly I would find it really hard to manage. I recently realised that my own negative behaviours & pathological demand avoidance have a path that I can track back to often a single source; it has been helpful in managing the end result. This isn't something these children will be able to do, but, I do feel that behaviours are often directed at an 'easier' person, not the one who triggered or causes the emotions. It really doesn't seem fair for an underpaid TA with little physical or emotional authority to take the brunt, it reads like she is actually being used for that purpose. I don't know if this particular child is non-verbal or what their level of comprehension is, and during an episode it is likely going to be impossible to direct behaviour, but have any attempts been made to suggest healthier expressions of emotion? I used to throw things & self harm which is obviously not to be encouraged, but perhaps there are resources out there that can suggest alternatives that can be introduced? People with emotional regulation issues are not 'different' to us in how they learn expressions of behaviour, boys watch films with violent males & outward expressions of anger directed at weaker people, for example, and the negative strokes of causing harm & pain to others isn't an incidental outcome, it's part of the expression. If it is learned, there is some small possibility that the patterns can be altered, even if incrementally; most children who express like this do eventually find ways to do so that are less harmful to others.
While it may not be possible, if I was at that school I would be advising for that child to be put with someone else when they are dysregulating. It isn't healthy for anyone involved & I know of many schools, unfortunately probably with greater access to resources, that wouldn't allow it.

She’s a young woman, who needs support and guidance as all young people do. How many young women find themselves in less than desirable positions because they are being kind, putting others first, or feel stuck?

What you want isn't remotely relevant here. Your daughter is 25 years old and a grown woman who gets to make her own career choices.

Stop infantilising grown fucking adults. It's beyond patronising. Adult women aren't little girls who need parenting. She's not 12.

She is 25 years old who has chosen a career, she is a grown up adult she isn't a "young person" .

Nowhere do you say you are being bit or punched. Maybe you would eventually feel differently if it was you on the receiving end. YANB OP.

Don’t be a dick. It’s not infantilising the remind someone that it’s OK to put themselves first and offer support whilst they do.

That is fine you can support anybody in your life to leave a job or whatever. What is "dickish" is to use flowery floaty language to describe a 25 year old woman like she is a teenager and not capable because "she is young" .

I have been kicked and a child had their hands around my neck. Is that good enough for you to feel I can have a voice on this thread?

Listen, my DS is the same age as the Op’s daughter. He is now working for the police in digital forensics checking computers and hard drives etc for indecent images and has to listen to tapes from 999 calls for violent crimes. Do I worry about this and perhaps wish he had chosen a different career, of course I do. However, I also thank God that there are people like him who are willing to do this type of work or where would this world be? If the Op’s daughter is happy to do this work that is the end of it.

Can you point me to where it says this online please that it's a legal requirement? I can't find it myself.

I find this very concerning. I work in hospital and deal with many situations where someone doesn't have capacity over their decisions who can become aggressive. We are all trained in violence and aggression and understand the legislation that covers us to be able to reasonably protect ourselves from serious injury or death. On a rare occasion that can involve restraint and we can call security to get support and keep staff safe because healthcare workers do lose their lives to aggression in the workplace. Yes we of course do all this at a last resort and we do everything we can to keep a patient safe but for example one of my colleagues was strangled at work this week. There comes a point where we have to flee because our lives are at risk.

Yes these children need to be kept safe but some male 11 year olds could be as strong as an adult female and cause significant damage. These staff should all have significant training in how to deescalate and support children but also how to safely restrain them when they are at significant risk to themselves, staff or other children. They should have areas where children can safely cool down without putting themselves or others at risk. There should be sufficient staff to manage these incredibly high risk situations.

My lovely friend is a TA and I know this isnt happening. She 1:1 a very angry 10 year old boy who multiple times a day would struggle to regulate and immediately attack his TA. She had no training to safely manage this situation. At no time was she ever swapped out after an event. No extra staff were allocated to support. It took a year and a half of daily attacks before the child was deemed unsuitable for mainstream school and get a more appropriate placement. These children are not being safely cared for and employers are failing in their duty to protect their staff against harm.

YANBU, I once lasted 2 hours as a TA in a primary school working with a 7 year old with SEN. I saw him attack children and hit staff and he tried to bite me. No thanks. I never did become a teacher.

I didn't say you did not have a right to voice your opinion, I was voicing mine. You didn't mention yourself in your original post. I think my point was fair. Now you have clarified. Why are you being so aggressive? I still think OP is NBU to not want her daughter kicked like a football.

What a horrible post. Why wouldn't a mother be concerned about her daughter being injured in the work place?

That was a response to someone actually infantilising a grown adult, as if she had no agency. It wasn't a response to the original poster,

Im surprised the main response seems to be to just accept a level of violence causing injury being part of day to day work.
To me it sounds like the school needs to look into their protocols to protect their staff, urgently.

What would you suggest special.schools do if they have a violent because of their disability child.

I most certainly wasn’t meaning to be aggressive and I apologise if that’s how it came across. That’s not how I behave. However, you made me feel I would only be in a position to comment if I had been hurt myself.

There are many jobs where sadly people have to accept there is going to be a level of violence that no-one can be protected from. There is absolutely no way anyone in these difficult jobs can be fully protected. It’s usually spoken about in interview, or at least it was at my school. My point still stands, if her daughter is happy in her role then the Op has to accept that and work on her own anxieties.

When dealing with adults with challenging behaviour, tactics might be used such as:
Staff to remain further than arms reach/striking distance and be able to step away from danger if necessary like near the door
Placing the child in a safe space where they can't hurt themself and can't hurt another person until they are calmer.
Mainly maintaining space.

In the longer term, identifying triggers that may lead to lashing out and avoiding/managing those triggers.
Seeking to understand what the behaviour is communicating and addressing the root cause.

Placing the child in a safe space where they can't hurt themself and can't hurt another person until they are calmer.
Mainly maintaining space.

So a space on their own, how would you get the child there without lifting them and possibly being hurt? Working with SEN children isn't for everybody being 1-1 with a child who will lash out isn't for everybody but the people who do work with children will know the risks and hopefully have appropriate training,
The op doesn' t wan't her child hurt which is totally understandable but i think she has to accept her Dd will sometimes be hurt at work.

My understanding is all those things happen.

But you can't maintain space when you have to stay in an enclosed room with a child who's running towards you trying to hurt you and often succeeding.

Another adult is with her and they work together to try to keep the child safe and each other safe.

I don't understand why both adults coming out of the room isn't the better option than staying in there. If the child begins to hurt themselves when alone, of course they should stay in there. If the child isn't going to hurt themselves when the adults go out, why on earth aren't they able to leave the room where they're being attacked?

Physically picking up the child and carrying them out is restraint.
Any restraint should use minimal force, be a last resort, be risk assessed for the specific child and specific circumstances it is used and carried out by trained staff in a manner that does not place them at risk of harm.

In some circumstances it may be necessary to remove other people from the space to deal with the situation safely.

I understand things happen when dealing with challenging behaviour, and staff know that taking the job, but injuries should not be a regular or daily occurrence. That suggests the school is not adequately assessing and mitigating risks to me.

If she is being injured routinely what does her union say?

I don’t think you could be described as unreasonable at all, but I don’t think there’s much you can do. You can advise gently of course, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to go beyond that or put pressure on her. That’s never helpful.

Shes a adult and it’s up to her what she’s willing to put up with.

As a society, we as a whole should be grateful there are people like your DD around who are willing to take on these roles.