I want DD to leave her job

[Pleasequityourjob]

DD (25) has been working as a TA in a special school for over a year.

She's working with a really tricky 11 yr old who communicates using aggressive behaviour regularly. She's regularly bitten, pinched and punched. When the child is in crisis, the child will run towards her to attempt to hurt her. She says she deflects and avoids lots of his pinches/bites, but it happens so often that several injuries land.

All I can see are her scarred hands that the protective gloves don't protect. There are months of scarring on them, as well as two fresh scabs from today. She was deflecting the questions asking about bruises on her limbs.

The school do not allow staff to leave children in crisis alone in a room and supervise through a window, so she has to tolerate these injuries as part of her job. She has to stay in the room and take whatever the child gives that she can't dodge.

She enjoys her job and doesn't want to leave. She describes the injuries as the less good bit. She said her team just accept this is part of their work, no one likes it, but they care about the children.

I just want her to leave before she's seriously injured. I can't believe that a school would be ok with their staff being routinely injured in this way. At the very least, they aren't paid enough on a TA salary.

The calm part of my brain says its her life, her choice and to keep quiet, but that's my baby getting hurt day in, day out. It's so hard to see.

AIBU wanting her to leave?

Seriously - do you really think if we have limited funds ( and we all know that the SEN budgets are under real pressure). Do you really think we should teach them things they will never use or get any benefit from?

Surely the child would benefit much more from better care.

I mean if I had a disabled kid and I knew funds were under pressure my priorities would be to make sure they were safe, warm, fed, looked after especially having provisions made for after I was dead. I wouldn't see any benefit to trying to teach them maths or languages that they would never use as they would never work.

Now that the SEN budgets are being moved to education rather than local authorities we really do need to spend the money wisely.

No posters are not fine with her getting hurt at all
But you need to.stop infantalsing adults if this is the career she wants to work in then its up to her
By your reasoning, we would have no armed forces ,no police forces ,Emergency services etc becsuse you think adults in their mid 20,s are too young to decide for themselves.

Just so you know this will be my only response to you, i am not giving you a platform to spout.

That sounds very sensible then and I am glad to hear it.

All any of us are doing here is 'spouting'

X2Boys gave a much better reply by explaining why the money should be spent on their education and I agree with it now. However is is not really 'educating' they are getting it is more basic life skills rather than 'education' as we all know it. I can see how that would benefit them and so yes money should be spent on this. Plus no doubt it gives the parents some respite while they are at 'school'

I've not read the whole thread but I felt the same when my DD worked in a mental health hospital. She was regularly assaulted - physically, verbally and on a couple of occasions, sexually. And paid an absolute pittance. She did enjoy the job mostly which is why she stuck it for so long. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when she left.

No one should be assaulted at work but the reality is someone needs to do these jobs. I actually think DD might have stayed if it was higher paid as she did feel it was a worthwhile job where she could make a difference.

Of course I am being serious.
A mother is concerned that her young daughter is being harmed to help others.
Completely normal worry for a mother to have.
I don't see what is goady about it.
I'm suggesting the child is looked after but not to the extent the OP's daughter is injured.

I agree - there are many jobs that I think need to be paid better and also have more safety for the worker as a priority.

She’s an adult and needs to make her own choices about her career.

Sympathise because as a TA she’s dealing with this but isn’t being paid well. She should consider going to uni and becoming an actual teacher. Better pay, hopefully better conditions. She clearly loves it but I do think TA’s take the brunt.

She has arm guards to wear @SandyY2K . Best there is apparently. They're not great at preventing bruises, but do stop the teeth breaking skin.

However, there aren't leg guards. If the child has a good hold on clothing, legs are bitten/pinched.

Ofsted outstanding @CurlyKoalie Apparently Ofsted were shown the risk assessments around this child and approved of them. Who knows if DD has been told the truth on that?🤷🏻

Team teach rings a bell @x2boys - she's definitely had all the training in preventing, deflecting, holding, restraining. Do Team Teach say you must always remain with the child?

I hear what you're saying about the police van @Coffeeishot . But do the police stay in the van with the person unrestrained and continue to endure their violence? Or can they leave the van/restrain the adult?

There would be a door between her (and her colleague) and the child. She would stop being at risk of being injured in that instance.

I sympathise as the parent of a child who has had spells of being like this.
Honestly saying they have to be in the room with the child is the worst approach - so maybe she should look for a similar job in a school that doesn't do this.

There isn't a legal requirement to stay with the child. Restraining them is now no longer advised (though some less up to date training schemes will include this). Both restraining a child and paying attention to their behaviour are likely to make it worse or just to continue, or to recur more frequently. When a child gets into this state they get excited by the additional fuss and chaos and then go on to cause more fuss and chaos because it's so exciting.

My DS school practices what we ourselves do (but didn't call it this) which is "planned ignoring"; going on with whatever you were doing and pretending the behaviour isn't happening. Not responding to it. Even if she is trying to be calm and quiet in the room with the dysregulated child, she will naturally be defending herself and this will be exciting to the child.

I know staff stay with my son whilst they are holding him ,until he calms down and then they allow him to take himself to the quiet area to self regulate but all children will be different
Do staff not tske it in turns to stay with this child?
Obviously a different environment but when I worked in acute mental health wards ,staff members ,would swap over usually after an hour, if they on 1:1 with somone

If school use and implement Team Teach then they should have policies regarding physical intervention for the safety of staff and other pupils or destruction of property. DS’ school hold children when required as I mentioned up thread and would (and do) use physical intervention in the case as per your daughter. It just wouldn’t happen as is the case for your daughter as the restraint policy is implemented appropriately to avoid this sort of scene. It would never get that far once, let alone repeatedly.

However, you’re barking up the wrong tree by trying to get your daughter to insist on being allowed to stand out the classroom- if he was still trying to harm her she wouldn’t be allowed to lock the door with him in or hold the door closed on him, so actually being out the class makes no difference- the door is no barrier really. The argument for change needs to come from the perspective of the restraint policy changing.

This is assuming your DD actually wants to see this change and is pushing for it herself. I totally understand how hard it must be to see your DD being harmed however she is an adult and it’s her job so any push for change needs to come from her. You sound understandably like a worried mum who obviously wants her daughter to work elsewhere and with the lack of consistency in policy I understand why, however your DD has to want to change it, not just you.

Wow.

What an unpleasant post.

Also, please stop referring to a child with additional needs as ‘it’

Thanks @Frankiecat2

the thread was really upsetting me - some of the language is just so wrong.

I don’t know why I returned - only to see even worse. But nice to see some posters share my feelings.

I think that poster is on a roll now though.

Totally agree with @Frankiecat2 . I think the use of the word ‘it’ says it all.

Having worked with hundreds of young people with complex needs, I want to reassure parents that I felt that that was an enormous privilege.

It sounds awful, and i can see why you don’t like your daughter being used as a punching bag.

But, there’s nothing you can do about it, unfortunately.

She would just open the door and attack your DD

My point being DD can hold the door closed to protect herself.

DD isn't allowed to hold the child @x2boys unless he's being a danger to himself. It doesn't matter that he's being a danger to the other 2 adults in the room.

I've not asked DD if he's in this state for an hour or more. I hope not, for both the child's sake and DDs.

But she wouldn’t be allowed to hold the door shut to protect herself. She would not be allowed to effectively trap him in the room. The bigger problem here is the school poor policy and poor implementation around holding children as the child should be held if other de escalation techniques have failed long before it gets to this point.

I know that’s not helpful to what you’re asking and I’m genuinely not trying to ignore the main point but what you’re wanting to happen can’t/won’t happen. The change needs to come elsewhere.

As others have tried to explain, as soon as she tries to stop the child from leaving the room it becomes “seclusion” which is very complicated legally. In general, places that operate using seclusion have formal “seclusion pathways” including being regularly observed by medical staff and proper “seclusion rooms” with one way glass. You can’t just lock them in a room and walk away, even if you’re getting hurt.

I used to do a bit of supply teaching in a special school much like you describe. And honestly, the staff that work there are angels on earth. I couldn't do it.
The first time a child pinched me really hard, it took ALL my self-restraint not to pinch them back just as hard.