I want DD to leave her job

[Pleasequityourjob]

DD (25) has been working as a TA in a special school for over a year.

She's working with a really tricky 11 yr old who communicates using aggressive behaviour regularly. She's regularly bitten, pinched and punched. When the child is in crisis, the child will run towards her to attempt to hurt her. She says she deflects and avoids lots of his pinches/bites, but it happens so often that several injuries land.

All I can see are her scarred hands that the protective gloves don't protect. There are months of scarring on them, as well as two fresh scabs from today. She was deflecting the questions asking about bruises on her limbs.

The school do not allow staff to leave children in crisis alone in a room and supervise through a window, so she has to tolerate these injuries as part of her job. She has to stay in the room and take whatever the child gives that she can't dodge.

She enjoys her job and doesn't want to leave. She describes the injuries as the less good bit. She said her team just accept this is part of their work, no one likes it, but they care about the children.

I just want her to leave before she's seriously injured. I can't believe that a school would be ok with their staff being routinely injured in this way. At the very least, they aren't paid enough on a TA salary.

The calm part of my brain says its her life, her choice and to keep quiet, but that's my baby getting hurt day in, day out. It's so hard to see.

AIBU wanting her to leave?

She's not your baby anymore, she's an adult who's weighed up the risks and benefits of the job and decided she wants to do it. She sounds like an amazing young woman, I'd be very proud of her if she was my DD.

I commend your DD, my DS can be violent when anxious and I’m covered in scars and bruises, no one wants their child to be like that, it’s horrendous.
Anyone who puts themselves in the firing line to help these children is amazing and you should be very proud.

Yanbu to want the best for your dd, but sometimes job satisfaction outweighs these things.

I've been attacked and held at knifepoint at work before, still absolutely loved my job and got a huge sense of satisfaction from it and felt really passionate about it so even though those experiences weren't great, I never for a second considered leaving.

Its absolutely your dds choice and I'd be proud that you've raised a dd who's resilient and who holds so much empathy for others.

Why on earth do you want her to give up a job she enjoys, OP? Yes, it's challenging, but think of the good she's doing for these kids. As you said yourself, she's 25 and it's not up to you, so I think you really need to stop commenting on her work choices.

YABU I know you don’t want her doing the job and you don’t like her being beaten up but you would feel the same way if she was working in a nursing home you think kids are dangerous adults with dementia are 1000 times worse they’ve got the power behind them to kill you if they wanted to without giving it a second thought. Unfortunately every job has its risks.

You cannot help worrying about your daughter's safety, but presumably she chose to take on her current role, and the fact that she has remained in that role suggests that she is both dedicated and resilient. And somebody has to do it. How would you feel if she were a police officer or a firefighter?

Okay
I get that your daughter feels being injured is an occupational hazard.
I would ask if she is completing the paperwork for each incident. Is she filling out violent incident paperwork each time this child is hurting her. These injuries aren't badges of honour they are signs of a child not having their needs met and taking that out on someone else. Its either protest behaviour or the child is genuinely in total crisis. Either way these aren't pro-social behaviours and could lead to being placed in residential care away from their families or losing their school place.
Sometimes there will be a culture of " shrug it off or take it for the team" but that does no one any good. No one person should be solely working with.one child it builds up a dependency and is a lot of stress for the staff member.
Your daughter needs to be completing paperwork, looking at behaviour reports (what was happening before what was the behaviour how did you deal with it was this successful and how long did it take). This helps staff to work out triggers and ways to calm down students. It also shows how classes should be staffed and the training need. Has your daughter been trained in de-escalation and physical intervention.
She might not be so unbothered of it becomes chunks of hair pulled out or cuts to her face and damage to her eyes. I trust the senior staff members are also putting themselves in harms way regularly.
Staff should not be on their own shut in with a child in distress. Successful supportive holding takes two staff members at least.
Has your daughter spoken to her line manager and head teacher. The head teacher will not be happy with this and neither would the school governors.
I can understand why you would want your daughter to change jobs.

Your daughter is old enough to decide her own career, but it upsets me that she feels that regularly being physically abused is an inevitable part of her job.
Employers have a duty of care to staff and it isn't good enough for the culture to be " this just happens"
I agree with previous posters that she should join a union to protect herself and ask the Regional Representative to take a look at the safety protocols that should be in place for staff , which are clearly not!

I wouldn't want my DD working in that environment. My DD also worked in a special school before doing her Masters and luckily, the kids weren't this violent.

She would have left if she was getting injured like your DD and I would have encouraged/persuaded her to.

Staff who work in schools for children with additional support needs know what their job entails, it is part of the job they choose. They absolutely should be paid more, all TAs should because it is not an easy job. It is her life though, she is happy with her job despite this. I feel like she will have said to you in the past also that schools for children with ASN are not called 'special' schools anymore.

because there are lots of children in this type of school who will not be able to 'calm down' without sufficient help from their teachers.

So what do you suggest we do with these children then?
I have been attacked at work but with younger children so it wasn't as bad but we weren't a SEN nursery and the level of aggression I had from my 1:1 was something else. Bitten, headbutted, had scissors thrown at me, had my hair pulled, got kicked and scratched. The thing was though he could be lovely but when he got angry it was traumatic.
I understand why you worry about your DD but she is doing a wonderful job that many people couldn't do. I used to complain that I didn't go to work to get hurt but I still did it because the rewards were huge.
You obviously realise you can't stop her but it's not unreasonable to be worried.

I suggest the school needs to do a better job of supporting the children in its care, and the staff who work there.
I've worked with people with challenging behaviour (although not children) for 20 years. Support workers/teaching assistants don't go to work to be assaulted.
There are many many strategies you might employ to manage someone's behaviour.

@Pleasequityourjob I don't see why, if the child is safe inside a room, she and her colleagues aren't allowed to step outside the room to prevent further injuries to them whilst the child is calming down.

I think this probably relates to deprivation of liberty. While it may not be uncommon practice to leave a dysregulated child who is lashing out at staff and/or peers in an apparently safe space to calm down, this usually/realistically necessitates them being prevented from leaving said room. Even if they can be observed through a window, it is not actually legal to do so unless there is a member of staff in the room with them. Meaning the child must not be left in the room on their own, while at the same time being prevented from leaving that room.

I absolutely understand why you feel like this, but at 25 she's a fully grown adult who can decide for herself.

I have a DD who is a psychiatric nurse and I know she has been attacked by over 6ft tall male patients, bitten almost to the bone by a very disturbed woman, had urine thrown in her face, clawed, punched, etc. I'm pretty sure she doesn't tell me everything that has happened, but she has been doing this for a number of years on wards that are frequently short staffed - or where she has been the only qualified nurse on shift.

I've had to accept that this is her choice of job.

Are her tetanus jabs up to date? Seriously, human bites are dangerous.

She is not a child, she's 25. As a mum, I am constantly anxious about my adult children, but that's my problem, and their career choices are not for me to comment on/interfere with

I don't know how I'd feel if she were police or firefighter.

I do know police wouldn't have to stay in a room with a person and be repeatedly attacked without being able to protect themselves or respond in some way.

Paperwork always completed. It's a known behaviour for this child. There are no clear triggers. She's had all the training the school can access to support him. I believe she acts on it, as you wouldn't put someone in that position who wasn't.

She has had clumps of hair pulled out. I dread to think her eyes could be permanently damaged from this 😩

She's not on her own with the child when they're in crisis, she's always with someone else. The adults are only allowed to physically restrain the child if they're hurting themselves.

The head teacher said it's part of the job. I suspect the head teacher isn't as battered and bruised as DD is though.

I can't believe governors wouldn't know staff are being regularly injured. I don't want to ask DD if they do or not, as it's my problem, not hers.

How will the school know if a child calms quicker without adults in the room if the adults aren't allowed to leave the room?

DD used to need cuddles to get out of moods. DS needed to take himself to his room. Even being on the landing outside his bedroom kept him heightened.

You should probably have a word with Kent county council then, as they still use the word special.

I asked her that back in September when she first got a bite from this child.

They are up to date.

Thank you for asking that question. It's an important one.

Again, where's this put in writing that it's a legal requirement please? I can't find it on the internet.

I really can’t believe posts like this. This is absolutely NOT ok!

She is accepting the shit she is being given through fear. This is not good
What procedures are in place. What support does she have from her line manager and team. What are the parents doing? They have responsibility also and the school a responsibility to them and the child.
some of these comments are crazy!

Some children won’t have the skills to calm down alone and they are more at risk of serious self harm or other injury if left. It’s also not ok to seclude people.

I can see as a mother it’s not nice to see and hear your daughter talk about this. But she loves it and you do weirdly get used to it.

I would urge her though to check that the school at regularly reviewing the risk assessment and support plans. It sounds like the child requires more than 1:1 staffing and perhaps they need to look at stronger PPE. I really hope the child is being supported to communicate in other safe ways. Some children can take years to learn other ways (pictures, sign, words). It will depend on his history and also diagnosis. Also trauma. It may be (as an example) that he’s been secluded and left before and now needs to have someone present in order to regulate. He likely sees your DD as a comfort person - so seeks her when he’s upset.