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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

With DH Inflexible 6pm gym schedule?

255 replies

notaurewhatusername · 14/01/2026 17:05

need some perspective here because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is a legitimate frustration.

My husband goes to the gym at 6pm most evenings. We have a one-year-old, and this has been his routine since our child was born. The issue isn’t that he goes to the gym - I absolutely think he should have that time - it’s that he’s completely inflexible about the timing because his friends go at 6pm.

Here’s what frustrates me: 6pm is the absolute busiest hour of our day. Baby needs attention, dinner needs cooking, and everything feels like it’s happening at once. He’ll often head out without sorting dinner first, which means I’m left juggling cooking, dealing with baby, or waiting until 8pm for dinner which is not ideal. He does deal with baby in the mornings for an hour or so, but it’s the fact dinner needs doing at the exact same time.

To be fair, he does bath time when he gets back and does pull his weight with other household duties. He’s not lazy around the house. But when it comes to the mental load and the baby-related tasks, it’s not quite equal.

I also like going to the gym, but I schedule it around dinner time and family commitments. With him, it’s just non-negotiable - 6pm, every day, because that’s when his mates go. He says it’s the only hour of the day he gets to himself, which… I don’t entirely agree with, but maybe I’m wrong?

My question is: would it be unreasonable to ask him to either cook dinner before he leaves, or consider going at a different time, even just a few days a week? Or am I being petty about him having his own time?

AIBU?

OP posts:
OhcantthInkofaname · 14/01/2026 19:24

I think he needs to be more flexible about dinner if he is going to be inflexible about gym time.

OneShyQuail · 14/01/2026 19:26

notaurewhatusername · 14/01/2026 19:03

I am default parent, but DH abuses this position. For example nursery was closed over Christmas he said he needs to work so I loooked after DS most of the time then the first weekend after the sit down I said he can do 50/50 childcare those days he accused me of novelty of baby wearing off and that he has to work! Openly admits it’s boring after four or five hours and wants me to look after baby while he’s working (even though I work four days a week too and the work he does is important but he could jiggle around to do it while DS is at nursery).

im sadly, likely not having more children because I don’t think it would work unless I was prepared to do 90% of the second child. I really want a second though, it’s rubiish

"Openly admits its boring after 4 or 5 hours"
What is? Looking after his child?!

Screamingabdabz · 14/01/2026 19:27

If you were my dd I’d be very sad. This man is treating you as a scivvy and getting exactly what he wants.

Why are you the ‘default’ parent and not equal parents? Does he not care? Why are you not eating until 8pm just because of his selfishness? Why are you putting up with it? Do you want your child to grow up with this model of thinking women are just domestic drones and men just do what they like?

MyBrightPeer · 14/01/2026 19:32

Based on your replies, you’re already a single parent. He sounds incredibly unsupportive and like a real dick.

Overwhelmedandtired · 14/01/2026 19:37

Everyday, yes he's being unreasonable. 2-3 times a week maybe, but needs to be shared. Also unreasonable is not accepting meal prepping. Initially that was going to be my suggestion to help, particularly with you both working. As your DC gets older, they'll get busier and it will become more and more difficult to cook a meal while they are up. So slow cooker or at least partial meal prep are your friends!

The rest of your schedule would be relevant to help answer your question, but 6-8 is definitely the busiest time of day with young kids and 2 working parents so fully unreasonable for him to miss this time every day.

Inertia · 14/01/2026 19:38

It’s the worst possible time to be out. He’s really not a team player in this family.

I’d accept it a couple of nights a week, but not every night. He needs to compromise.

I would eat earlier with the baby on his gym nights- he can sort his own dinner when he gets home. I would also do meal prep in advance as much as possible- again, he can make his own dinner.

NewYearSameYou · 14/01/2026 19:38

I'm so tired of dads, and it is mostly dads, who think their lives and schedules don't have to change to accommodate the realities of being a parent and just dump the issues on their wives.

He is one of those. I'm so sorry.

Cherrytree86 · 14/01/2026 19:44

RollOnSunshine · 14/01/2026 17:19

He needs to prioritise you and the baby. Suggest that he does 2 days a week with his friends at 6pm and 3 days a week at a different time.

If he refuses then withold sex on account of being too tired.

@RollOnSunshine

”withhold sex” as a punishment is so toxic. Plus you do realise some women actually do like sex and thus wouldn’t want to deprive themselves to make a point??

Cherrytree86 · 14/01/2026 19:47

Soonenough · 14/01/2026 19:02

Is there anything more boring then someone who can't bear to change their routine .? Doesn't matter what it is but non essential like gym with his buddies is so childish . Who does he think he is , a professional athlete . Please tell me he doesn't go tanning .

@Soonenough

actually exercise IS essential, I’m not saying his gym time can’t and shouldn’t be moved to a more convenient time but it us important for him and for Op to go too. I’m not sure why you’re equating exercise with something which definitely is unnecessary like tanning?

hettie · 14/01/2026 19:49

notaurewhatusername · 14/01/2026 19:03

I am default parent, but DH abuses this position. For example nursery was closed over Christmas he said he needs to work so I loooked after DS most of the time then the first weekend after the sit down I said he can do 50/50 childcare those days he accused me of novelty of baby wearing off and that he has to work! Openly admits it’s boring after four or five hours and wants me to look after baby while he’s working (even though I work four days a week too and the work he does is important but he could jiggle around to do it while DS is at nursery).

im sadly, likely not having more children because I don’t think it would work unless I was prepared to do 90% of the second child. I really want a second though, it’s rubiish

This reads like he feels he has a baby because you wanted one and he went along with it. Do the baby (in his head) 'is 'your baby' hence the 'novelty wearing off' comment. If it was me I'd have a very serious conversation about his true feelings about his desire to be a parent. If want to know if he'd really thought the reality through and how it would impact both your lives. I'd need to know honestly what I was dealing with. I'd rather know now before resentment and possible attempts by him to get back further elements of a baby free life (care free trips to the gym, sex, the undivided attention of his partner etc). Then if he was on board I'd want to talk calmly about how we problem done this because the baby is a reality.....

Bikergran · 14/01/2026 19:51

Have your main meal at lunchtime.

IslandsAround · 14/01/2026 19:54

FrogsWormsandButterflies · 14/01/2026 18:15

I actually don’t think there’s anything wrong with going to the gym at 6pm everyday, however my perspective is probably very different to a lot of people as I’m a single mum of 4, one being 6 weeks old and mange to feed us all and get everyone to bed with no issue

Are you going to the gym every day at 6pm?

How are you neglecting your four kids daily…. I’m sure you’re not!

This man is.

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 14/01/2026 19:54

Not unreasonable at all. I would be really pissed off with my husband if he fucked off at that time every single day. He needs to compromise.

Theboymolefoxandhorse · 14/01/2026 19:55

@notaurewhatusername YANBU

as so many others have suggested he needs to realise that a child changes things. There has to be an element of mutual flexibility but also respect. Him unilaterally deciding that his gym time with his friends trumps his family life is not being respectful of you.
the fact he’s happy to miss it if he’s tired would piss me off even more. So it’s ok to not go if he’s tired but doesn’t give a flying fuck about you. Youce told him eating at 8 is too late for you but he insists on not batch cooking because he needs his food to taste a certain way. It just sounds like no consideration for you at all. What’s weirder is this is a routine that only started when you were pregnant - not long-standing so he obviously managed to live a lot of his adult life without this strict routine.

I would be sitting him down and giving him an ultimatum - if he must go to the gym at 6, then he makes sure your dinner is sorted before you go (or you can at least take it in turns to sort dinner / accept batch cooking) or he cuts down the number of days he goes to the gym.

i work 4 days a week too, husband 5, we both go to the gym - but can only physically manage twice a week max each because it’s the only way to fit it in fairly- we both do early morning and weekends.

Cyclingmummy1 · 14/01/2026 19:56

Totally unreasonable on his part.

Queenie678 · 14/01/2026 20:05

I had this problem too, I have a 1 year old and find everything needs to be done by me at the same time in the evenings when baby is at their most tired. Except DH leaves for work at 6am (for the gym) and gets home from work by 7pm.

I managed to take the pressure off by prepping dinner in the morning, I either cook it in the morning if something that can stand like a bolognaise/stew or do all the chopping for something like a stir fry which can be quickly cooked in the evening. All weekday dinners (except Fridays) feed us over 2 nights so I only have 2 mornings where I need to prep.

I’m able to do this while solely looking after the baby so maybe he can too if he’s with the baby for an hour. It usually only takes me about 20mins to prep (we don’t eat anything elaborate on weekdays) and the baby is crawling around playing with their own toys or I give them bits out of the cupboards e.g plastic utensils or some pots to occupy them.

Pessismistic · 14/01/2026 20:05

Hey op he taking the piss he can go other times he chooses not to which means he’s controlling you are you sure it’s definitely his mates? Why not tell him you will alternate the 6pm so you can get a break from dinner and sorting the baby out he’s walking all over you tbh. I would always be wary if someone does not have flexibility in there schedule for things like the gym, shopping or going for a drink you need to tell him straight you are sick of being left alone at the busiest time of the day he isn’t single if he misses seeing his mates now and again so what kids takeover it’s not like life or death situation is it.

Original poster
notaurewhatusername · 14/01/2026 20:08

In all fairness parenting is taking a toll on our relationship. We probably had issues before but they are heightened. We had rows Saturday won’t bore people with the detail but he said two hurtful things one of those things is that I’ve apparently been nasty for three years and only become pleasant since I’ve fixed an ongoing medical condition I’ve had for a month. It hurt me that he often pins blame all on me. I’m not innocent but it’s things like the gym routine that wind me up. He said he’s sick of me making him feel guilty all the time for things like going gym!?

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 14/01/2026 20:12

notaurewhatusername · 14/01/2026 20:08

In all fairness parenting is taking a toll on our relationship. We probably had issues before but they are heightened. We had rows Saturday won’t bore people with the detail but he said two hurtful things one of those things is that I’ve apparently been nasty for three years and only become pleasant since I’ve fixed an ongoing medical condition I’ve had for a month. It hurt me that he often pins blame all on me. I’m not innocent but it’s things like the gym routine that wind me up. He said he’s sick of me making him feel guilty all the time for things like going gym!?

Op if he feels that way why is he staying. Kids are a tremendous strain on any relationship but this is where you pull together compromise or you break. Just be aware it might be more than the gym especially if he’s nasty with you. He’s turning it back on you most men do this.

WhatAreYouDoingSundayBaby · 14/01/2026 20:13

I don't get it, so he's gyming 6-7.30 then he comes in and baths the baby and does dinner?? Seems like a late bath for your baby, could you just get that out the way while he's out?

I do think he's being super selfish though, he should be going to the gym at 8pm once the baby is in bed if he's so desperate to go. It's not fair to leave you to handle everything.

If I were you I'd have dinner early before he goes to the gym, and then he can sort himself out when he gets home if he's insisting this is the only possible option for him.

wrongthinker · 14/01/2026 20:15

He sounds like a shit partner, OP. You're supposed to be a team and support one another. You're supporting him but getting very little back and that's not sustainable.

I think you should wait until a calm quiet time and tell him as clearly as possible that this isn't working for you, that you feel he is not pulling his weight, and he needs to decide if he is a part of this family or not. If yes, he needs to start taking responsibility, parenting his kid, and supporting you, rather than prioritising his friends. If he can't do that, then it's game over.

That's what I would do, anyway. You'd be a single mum, but at least you wouldn't have an adult to take care of on top of your kid. You're young enough to meet someone else and have more children. Don't stay with someone who isn't willing and able to be a good family man.

Original poster
notaurewhatusername · 14/01/2026 20:15

To add currently baby goes to bed 8.30pm. Appreciate later than most babies but it works for us and means baby wakes 6-7am. Dinner I serve baby around 6.45/7 at the latest.

OP posts:
ThisTaupeZebra · 14/01/2026 20:18

My take on this is slightly different. I don't think he's necessarily unreasonable about the timing of the gym visit, if that's when his friends go, that is what motivates him, and he otherwise pulls his weight, maybe that's just the way the cookie crumbles for your family.

However, he is being massively unreasonable about food and meal timings. I would just not eat with him on the nights he is actually at the gym, rather than hang around waiting for him, and meal prep away if that is what needs to be done. If he thinks not eating the food he wants, with you every evening is too high a cost for his 6pm gym schedule, then that is for him to decide.

Kisshygge · 14/01/2026 20:20

I don't see why you can't manage to make a meal, alone, with a baby. Come on! Its not rocket science, and if your baby really is that demanding and it is entirely impossible...there are lots of solutions. Do you own a slow cooker? Can you prep before he leaves?

The fact he comes home and does bath time and generally pulls his weight, I think YABU. You should let him enjoy the gym with his friends. Its not a big deal.

bk1981 · 14/01/2026 20:26

He is being very unreasonable. You get less time to yourself when you have a baby, it's part of it! I would eat with the baby and leave him to sort himself when he gets home.

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