With DH Inflexible 6pm gym schedule?

[notaurewhatusername]

need some perspective here because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is a legitimate frustration.

My husband goes to the gym at 6pm most evenings. We have a one-year-old, and this has been his routine since our child was born. The issue isn’t that he goes to the gym - I absolutely think he should have that time - it’s that he’s completely inflexible about the timing because his friends go at 6pm.

Here’s what frustrates me: 6pm is the absolute busiest hour of our day. Baby needs attention, dinner needs cooking, and everything feels like it’s happening at once. He’ll often head out without sorting dinner first, which means I’m left juggling cooking, dealing with baby, or waiting until 8pm for dinner which is not ideal. He does deal with baby in the mornings for an hour or so, but it’s the fact dinner needs doing at the exact same time.

To be fair, he does bath time when he gets back and does pull his weight with other household duties. He’s not lazy around the house. But when it comes to the mental load and the baby-related tasks, it’s not quite equal.

I also like going to the gym, but I schedule it around dinner time and family commitments. With him, it’s just non-negotiable - 6pm, every day, because that’s when his mates go. He says it’s the only hour of the day he gets to himself, which… I don’t entirely agree with, but maybe I’m wrong?

My question is: would it be unreasonable to ask him to either cook dinner before he leaves, or consider going at a different time, even just a few days a week? Or am I being petty about him having his own time?

AIBU?

Absolutely selfishness. Picking his friends over his wife and baby.
How about you need to go somewhere at 6pm another night with your mates.
See how he likes that 😂

He can insist all he wants. Eat when you want and he can slot into your schedule for a change!

Of course YANBU. He is. His friends don't come first and if they do, he can fuck off and live with them.

Also eat when YOU want. He can't demand going to gym AND you waiting until he gets home to eat. Absolutely fucking not. He should be at home making the dinner while you deal with the baby or vice versa.

Seems like a bit of a coincidence doesn't it...

Did he 'have' to go gym at 6pm before the baby was born? Or another bizarre coincidence when it only started being 'essential' when he knew he had to do plenty of parenting at that specific time?

Oh gosh just read more, its EVERY NIGHT?!
sit him down and tell him he needs to find a new time. The hours of 5 til 7pm are madness with young children it doesn't get better when they are a bit older, throw in school, clubs, play dates etc too....he has 100% done this on purpose bet his mates have done too and they are all at the gym thinking how great they all are 🙄

YEP.

This is bloody ridiculous. He can’t be going every evening, he needs to alternate ffs

Ah, if only we could all “drop the rope”
at the busiest time of day, leaving the slack to our partners, whilst we swan about doing our hobbies that we did before we became parents with big boy responsibilities.

These men. 🙄

My DH gym runs specific classes and I hate the one that's at 6. It's nearer 8 when we eat by the time he sits, rests and showers.

What makes it tolerable is the rest of the time he goes early doors (as do some of my colleagues) and goes to work from the gym.

He shouldn’t get the final say on everything. There needs to be some compromise. If he really wants to go to the gym at 6, then his compromise needs to be to prep dinner beforehand and you eat yours when you want and he can warm his up later.
Surely he has to realise things change with a baby. We used to eat around 7.30pm, partner cooks and likes to spend a long time in the kitchen, two hours to cook a meal. But now our five month old baby has his bath at 7, final bottle at 7.30 and bed at 8. So we’ve had to adapt our eating. Now partner knows he can’t spend as long in the kitchen prepping his meals, it’s got to cooked with a lot more speed, and we need to have finished eating by 6.30, ready for bath time. It’s not how we used to do things, but we adapted because we had to. Your husband needs to realise this too!

Tell him you’ll all go to the gym at 6pm as a family, and he can pay for a meal out after…😁

He is definitely not choosing to be out of the house at the busiest time in order to avoid helping.

Probably.

Just eat when you want

FFS I would LOVE to go the gym at 6pm. It's perfect. You finished work, not starving for dinner, you get a workout in, then do bathtime, dinner and relax.

But as I have a toddler, I can't go at that time.

Any parent of small kids knows that is the busiest time of day. He's an arsehole.

I’d do tea then over to him with bath and bed
you do 6 to 8 then he has bath till bed
perhaps he could go 5.45 to 7.45 to get back a bit earlier

My advice is that you don't let him control your schedule. I think he is an arsehole, but you do not need to pander to this extent.

Food prep should be done way ahead of 6 pm. If you need to nag, nag and nag and nag.

Eat without him. No way is someone telling me I have to do the hard 6pm shift daily AND also dictating when I want to eat.

Choose a time when you leave the house for time for yourself too. It will be easier to do this when baby is closer to 2, I found at 1 my son still really needed me to settle for bed.

I actually don’t think there’s anything wrong with going to the gym at 6pm everyday, however my perspective is probably very different to a lot of people as I’m a single mum of 4, one being 6 weeks old and mange to feed us all and get everyone to bed with no issue

Gym 3 days a week or he cooks first

The difference is, you have no choice. The reason we have children with a husband is because we hope (promise even) to be a team and work together. He's not keeping his end of the promise by trying to live his life like he doesn't have kids. If he went to the gym at 6pm 3 times a week and she went 3 times a week at that time, that would be fair. But instead he is not compromising and letting her deal with the fallout.

You also by the way get to eat when you want. He's telling her she's not allowed to eat without him.

I think I'd consider becoming a single mum instead of being with such a dick husband.

He just needs go get up early and go before work.

Or do alternate days with you so you can go at 6 while he does the baby and the supper.

Do his friends have partners and babies? If so, they all have to change the gym time. Selfish bastards (sorry, op. I know you love him)

I think there has to be some compromise here, if everyone is willing, to prevent anyone feeling put out. If I’m being generous I’d say it sounds like its not just the gym he likes its the gym with his friends, the social aspect and that’s not uncommon or totally unreasonable, but it has to work for everyone.

The first thing I’d say is that every day is unreasonable, that needs to stop. If he genuinely wants/needs to train every day then he can get up before everyone else and train early. On the 6pm nights that remain dinner needs to be sorted before he goes, if it’s not then he can’t go.

I’d prep my own dinner earlier on if you’re WFH - eg use your lunch hour. If he wants freshly cooked food let him make his own. Its also late bathing baby after he is back, i’d want baby in bed for 7-8 at latest and then eat. He is being very selfish.

He's doing a lot of insisting. Who made him boss of you ?

Just to add, it’s not every day BUT when he doesn’t go it’s because he’s tired/busy etc. he does offer for me to go that time and if I out my foot down think I could BUT then who is doing dinner and sorting everything etc?

to be honest as a result I end up working less hours and go gym in that time which makes me feel I’m secretly getting one up!!