With DH Inflexible 6pm gym schedule?

[notaurewhatusername]

need some perspective here because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is a legitimate frustration.

My husband goes to the gym at 6pm most evenings. We have a one-year-old, and this has been his routine since our child was born. The issue isn’t that he goes to the gym - I absolutely think he should have that time - it’s that he’s completely inflexible about the timing because his friends go at 6pm.

Here’s what frustrates me: 6pm is the absolute busiest hour of our day. Baby needs attention, dinner needs cooking, and everything feels like it’s happening at once. He’ll often head out without sorting dinner first, which means I’m left juggling cooking, dealing with baby, or waiting until 8pm for dinner which is not ideal. He does deal with baby in the mornings for an hour or so, but it’s the fact dinner needs doing at the exact same time.

To be fair, he does bath time when he gets back and does pull his weight with other household duties. He’s not lazy around the house. But when it comes to the mental load and the baby-related tasks, it’s not quite equal.

I also like going to the gym, but I schedule it around dinner time and family commitments. With him, it’s just non-negotiable - 6pm, every day, because that’s when his mates go. He says it’s the only hour of the day he gets to himself, which… I don’t entirely agree with, but maybe I’m wrong?

My question is: would it be unreasonable to ask him to either cook dinner before he leaves, or consider going at a different time, even just a few days a week? Or am I being petty about him having his own time?

AIBU?

6pm is a terrible time to be ducking out with a 1 year old. He either needs to be doing more than just cook dinner before he leaves if he's going to persist with it.

Do his gym mates have kids?

I think ‘most nights’ is unreasonable with a baby to be honest - 2 or 3 nights or a couple of nights and a couple of hours on a sat or sun in day would be fairer

Yep, he needs to sort his life out and not be so selfish

I think 6-8 are the busiest time with young children. It’s dinner, bath, bed time and it can be crazy.

I know his mates all go at 6 but ideally you could all eat as a family at 6 then take it in turns to go to gym at 8pm.

I would probably be OK with DH doing this once or twice a week but nearly every day takes the mick

Make your own dinner and let him sort himself out when he gets home?

Just seen this - good! And I bet he whines about you doing it?

Well hand him the baby and go to the gym at 6pm. You should both have the same number of days to fuck off and do what you want. Its clearly not fair and you know it, or you wouldn't have posted.

I’ve never heard of a parent of a one year old where both parents are working heading to the gym most nights - never mind at the worst time of the day when you have a baby/toddler (they are tired / grumpy / whatever it is and much less easy to deal with that in the morning). The people who do keep up their exercise have done it by waking up before the baby and going to a run at 6am or going at their lunch break - maybe tag teaming at the weekend to have some time… but not this. God knows what he would do with two kids so glad you’re not planning that anytime soon. Absolutely push back hard.

Do people usually see going to the gym as an opportunity to socialise? Seems odd to me.

I'd be leaving the house at 5.50pm without consulting him.

Who made you the default parent? He can handle dinner, bath and bed for a bit.

DH goes very early in the morning so he walks back into the house as DS gets up, he then sorts breakfast while I shower. Routines have to change when you have children

Is there anything more boring then someone who can't bear to change their routine .? Doesn't matter what it is but non essential like gym with his buddies is so childish . Who does he think he is , a professional athlete . Please tell me he doesn't go tanning .

I am default parent, but DH abuses this position. For example nursery was closed over Christmas he said he needs to work so I loooked after DS most of the time then the first weekend after the sit down I said he can do 50/50 childcare those days he accused me of novelty of baby wearing off and that he has to work! Openly admits it’s boring after four or five hours and wants me to look after baby while he’s working (even though I work four days a week too and the work he does is important but he could jiggle around to do it while DS is at nursery).

im sadly, likely not having more children because I don’t think it would work unless I was prepared to do 90% of the second child. I really want a second though, it’s rubiish

Nah, fuck that.

It's not about working out, it's about seeing friends and avoiding the shittiest time of day at home.

You do whatever you need to do to make your evening easier and meet your own needs in relation to eating and he can sort himself out. It's not conducive to a cohesive relationship but that's not your fault.

Why is it always mothers who arrange their gym schedules around their children's and partner's needs but then you see fathers suddenly deciding to take up inflexible training schedules when young children are around? So weird.

The amount of men I know who have taking up iron man or triathlon training when a baby is on the way is insane.

😂

The selfish twat could make his own dinner whenever he wants and you sort yourself out. If he wants to eat together then he needs to be there.

Most evening is too much. In all honesty once a week at 6pm I could tolerate with gym at more convenient times for family life throughout the week. He doesn't need to see his friends every day and he needs to prioritise his responsibilities.

As an aside, 6pm is the worst time to be in the gym. It's always crowded.

your posts sound like you are an unpaid staff member and that you are scared to say no to your boss. It's really odd.

he's clearly got no interest in sharing parenting with you, so what's the point of being together?

What a loser.

You can always have a 2nd (assuming no medical issues), just pick a better partner.

Careful not to sabotage your career in the long run because of his gym habit. Doing less at work because of this will cost you promotions and opportunities.

You need to put your foot down now. This is a one way road to resentment and divorce.

I know you are scared of being too demanding. I was in this position after i went back to work after mat leave. Eventually i decided I either let the resentment fester and divorce for sure. Or attempt to nag nag nag and see how we go. DH didn't like it at first but he eventually got with the program when he sensed I didn't give a fuck anymore. He tried to subtly criticise me with statements like "but i thought you would want to spend time with your son". I ignored it. We are in a much better place and currently does more than me around the house as my work is at a busy time of year.

I think in a way I am lucky as my DH is a good one but got too comfortable while I was on mat leave. It helped that I was genuinely ready to walk away.

I guess you need to move either the gym or the dinner. Perhaps discuss it with him and see which he prefers to move.
Or have "picky" dinners on those days he doesn't have time to prep before going out.
We often have Fridge Tapas (a little bit of whatever is in the fridge) during the week when it is too late to bother with cooking.
I appreciate the rigidity is maddening though. He doesn't really need to see his mates there every day. But if it is that important to him it could be worth trying to flex somewhere else.

I would have left him by now.
Why the hell does he get to unilaterally decide on something that affects both of you, and not give you a say. I’d be raging OP.

I’ve got 3 young DC, and there is NO WAY that either DH or I would schedule anything between 5-7pm. It is the worst hour of the day, and we need all hands on deck.

Do his gym mates have kids?

My DH did Hyrox recently with some friends, and he worked his training schedule around our family life. 5am runs, gym once the DC were in bed etc. The other wives HATED the Hyrox training, because their husbands would piss of from 5-8pm to do their training, leaving the wives with multiple young DC to feed, bathe, and do bedtime alone, after working all day themselves.

As they say ‘No man loves the gym more than a man with young children’.

Anyway, none of this really helps you. Here is what I would do.

• Stop making his dinner. I’m not kidding. Just stop. Make dinner for you and your DC, and eat at 6pm with your DC. Don’t even buy ingredients for him or leave leftovers. If he’s not going to help with dinner, then get doesn’t get any.
• Get DC bathed and in bed by 7pm, then do some Pilates at home or have a bath and have an early night.

Im sorry that he’s being so crap. Hopefully get engages more when DC is older.