With DH Inflexible 6pm gym schedule?

[notaurewhatusername]

need some perspective here because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is a legitimate frustration.

My husband goes to the gym at 6pm most evenings. We have a one-year-old, and this has been his routine since our child was born. The issue isn’t that he goes to the gym - I absolutely think he should have that time - it’s that he’s completely inflexible about the timing because his friends go at 6pm.

Here’s what frustrates me: 6pm is the absolute busiest hour of our day. Baby needs attention, dinner needs cooking, and everything feels like it’s happening at once. He’ll often head out without sorting dinner first, which means I’m left juggling cooking, dealing with baby, or waiting until 8pm for dinner which is not ideal. He does deal with baby in the mornings for an hour or so, but it’s the fact dinner needs doing at the exact same time.

To be fair, he does bath time when he gets back and does pull his weight with other household duties. He’s not lazy around the house. But when it comes to the mental load and the baby-related tasks, it’s not quite equal.

I also like going to the gym, but I schedule it around dinner time and family commitments. With him, it’s just non-negotiable - 6pm, every day, because that’s when his mates go. He says it’s the only hour of the day he gets to himself, which… I don’t entirely agree with, but maybe I’m wrong?

My question is: would it be unreasonable to ask him to either cook dinner before he leaves, or consider going at a different time, even just a few days a week? Or am I being petty about him having his own time?

AIBU?

Then there’s a lot who’s not!!

agreed with the first part of the comment but horrified by the second part of "with hold sex". Sex is not a tool to be used to benefit or withheld in punishment. In a committed relationship its an expression of love between two people, two equals. Yes, when a relationship is in difficulty sex life often suffers but the way you have put this makes sex a transaction to be used or withheld to manipulate.

Sorry if it was me, and he insisted on gym - he'd be cooking and eating on his own when he got home. Me and baby would be sorted lomg before. If he didnt like it - he knows what he has to do.

Eurgh what a wally. So he misses basically all the time with his child in the evening? That's going to become a bigger issue as your little one gets older and starts to wonder where dad is most evenings. Yeh, you need to give him a kick up the bum about this.

Do his other friends not like their families? I'm not sure it matters how old your kids are - missing 1-2hrs 5x a week with them to go to the gym is plain selfish and is only possible because their partners are massively picking up the slack. He's obviously learned bad habits / selfish ways from them plus unrealistic ideas about what family life looks like... and it's not that, at least for most people.

He needs to get up early to go, go straight from work, go late or wait until the weekend. Basically any other time that isn't impacting on morning/ evening routine for your kid(s). For starters I would stop helping him. I would only make yours and your kids food or make what suited you. If he's going to be selfish, start being selfish back

I wouldn't wait for him to come home to eat. Prepare dinner as you see fit, when it''s ready eat with your child. He can heat his portion when he comes home. I wouldn't make a fuss about it, just state things as they are. Tell him that for you it doesn't work to eat at 8, all of the evening is gone waiting for him.