With DH Inflexible 6pm gym schedule?

[notaurewhatusername]

need some perspective here because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is a legitimate frustration.

My husband goes to the gym at 6pm most evenings. We have a one-year-old, and this has been his routine since our child was born. The issue isn’t that he goes to the gym - I absolutely think he should have that time - it’s that he’s completely inflexible about the timing because his friends go at 6pm.

Here’s what frustrates me: 6pm is the absolute busiest hour of our day. Baby needs attention, dinner needs cooking, and everything feels like it’s happening at once. He’ll often head out without sorting dinner first, which means I’m left juggling cooking, dealing with baby, or waiting until 8pm for dinner which is not ideal. He does deal with baby in the mornings for an hour or so, but it’s the fact dinner needs doing at the exact same time.

To be fair, he does bath time when he gets back and does pull his weight with other household duties. He’s not lazy around the house. But when it comes to the mental load and the baby-related tasks, it’s not quite equal.

I also like going to the gym, but I schedule it around dinner time and family commitments. With him, it’s just non-negotiable - 6pm, every day, because that’s when his mates go. He says it’s the only hour of the day he gets to himself, which… I don’t entirely agree with, but maybe I’m wrong?

My question is: would it be unreasonable to ask him to either cook dinner before he leaves, or consider going at a different time, even just a few days a week? Or am I being petty about him having his own time?

AIBU?

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@Kisshyggei do manage it but find it annoying it’s literally the hardest hour of the day!! What’s more annoying is before pregnancy he used to go late 8pm and we would go together it would drive me nuts going so late because I’d be tired but I’d go along with it. Now he HAS to go 6pm. It’s just totally unecessary. He also criticised me for taking ages when I go weekends for two hours, yes because I’m making up for lost time! I’ve only been able to get back to the gym last couple of months due to postpartum illness and sleep deprivation

I wouldn’t even try and ‘manage’

He’s being an arsehole

I think him going at 8pm and changing to 6pm during your pregnancy and with your baby is a big red flag, honestly. He knows it’s the busiest time of day for parents and he know he gets out of doing most of it then looks like no 1 day because he does 15 mins of parenting when he’s home…

I think you should go for complete equality here them. You go at 6pm too - alternate days! He might see it's unreasonable then, or you might both feel it's worth it and start making dinner ahead.

Then he isn't pulling his weight. He's happy to prioritise his time but isn't giving you time.

He sounds just awful. I can't imagine ever feeling sexually attracted to someone like him. Why don't you find a hobby that requires you to be out of the house at a similar time for a couple of nights a week? See if he thinks it's not a big deal to be out of the house at that time after all.

Did you get picked yet?

He's taking the absolute piss.

He's avoiding the worst hour of the day. You have the possibility of eating together as a family and He's choosing instead to go playing with his friends- shows his priorities. What will you do when baby needs an earlier bedtime?

He can go at 8pm, why can't his friends go later sometimes?

If a discussion around this doesn’t work out, write a rota of who’s doing dinner/bath/bed on what days, put yourself down for the 6pm gym slot at least three of those.
Then swan out, telling him what’s happening.
Who the fuck decided he could be in charge of all the decisions?
Of course he chooses the busy times to duck out of parenthood.
Nip it in the bud, or your in for a lifetime in the drivers seat, whilst he just sits on the passengers side.mIt will get much worse.

So he is prioritising his friend’s schedules over your family’s schedule.

he is being a complete arse

😂

He is being incredibly rigid. If I were you stop
making dinner or just sort yourself out. Are you a SAHM? I can’t work out from your post.

YANBU. 6pm is a perfect time for the gym, go after work then home for dinner. I did it before kids and I'd love to do it again but I can't because as you say, busiest hour of the day with young DC. Tell him to ask his mates to go later, he shouldn't be opting our of the most stressful hour of the day

No way is this fair.
There are so many hours in the day to go to the gym (for both of you). Why does it have to be that time?
I do feel you OP as I am also made to feel like the hobby police with my DH.

take him up on it. He presumably knows what needs to be done, and if he doesn't do it, tell him to do it when you get back.

By being the chief cook, bottle washer and nanny you are making a rod for your own back.

So when he says "you go" then go. (and if you don't want to go to the gym you don't have to, go to a café)

But you both need to talk about what life is like with a baby, and you also need to remember that as your child grows, or as you add other(s) you need to adapt and find a new routine.

Do you also get to have an hour and a half with your “mates” at a time of your choosing every day? No, I thought not.

I’m amazed that a grown man with a baby thinks it’s acceptable to hang out with his mates every evening during “prime time”.

In most friend groups people would change the timing of activities to make things easier for people. Has he even asked?
Don’t deny yourself a second child, just have it with someone else.

@APatternGrammarthe friends he meets all have older kids but I do believe some of them would go later if he pushed. He always pushes when it comes to me but with his friends seems to never want to rock the boat

I think him going at 8pm and changing to 6pm during your pregnancy and with your baby is a big red flag, honestly
I agree, he is using the gym to hide. Not sure what the answer is if he refuses to change the time though? Make sure he does everything at the weekend and take some time for you to do the same? Pretty miserable way to live though, I can’t stand tit for tat relationships.

Then he’s shown you his priorities.

Honestly I'd make my own meal and let him sort out his own food when he gets home. Petty? Probably. But so what!!

It’s so frustrating how often I see this thing. The woman always flexes her personal time to fit around family commitments while the man expects family commitments to fit around his personal time.