With DH Inflexible 6pm gym schedule?

[notaurewhatusername]

need some perspective here because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is a legitimate frustration.

My husband goes to the gym at 6pm most evenings. We have a one-year-old, and this has been his routine since our child was born. The issue isn’t that he goes to the gym - I absolutely think he should have that time - it’s that he’s completely inflexible about the timing because his friends go at 6pm.

Here’s what frustrates me: 6pm is the absolute busiest hour of our day. Baby needs attention, dinner needs cooking, and everything feels like it’s happening at once. He’ll often head out without sorting dinner first, which means I’m left juggling cooking, dealing with baby, or waiting until 8pm for dinner which is not ideal. He does deal with baby in the mornings for an hour or so, but it’s the fact dinner needs doing at the exact same time.

To be fair, he does bath time when he gets back and does pull his weight with other household duties. He’s not lazy around the house. But when it comes to the mental load and the baby-related tasks, it’s not quite equal.

I also like going to the gym, but I schedule it around dinner time and family commitments. With him, it’s just non-negotiable - 6pm, every day, because that’s when his mates go. He says it’s the only hour of the day he gets to himself, which… I don’t entirely agree with, but maybe I’m wrong?

My question is: would it be unreasonable to ask him to either cook dinner before he leaves, or consider going at a different time, even just a few days a week? Or am I being petty about him having his own time?

AIBU?

Honestly 5.30 to bed time will always be the busiest and most stressful time of the day with children, aka The Witching Hour.

This needs addressing now. Reception aged children go to bed at 7 or 7.30 so him ducking out every single night is not fair on you. He can meet his mates twice a week on weekdays and I would suggest slow cooker meals that are just waiting for you to eat. Lots of "dump" recipes on YouTube.

Dh goes to the gym for 6am when it opens, it is quieter then too as the busiest time is the evening.

Yeah, I wouldn’t even consider factoring a gym bro’s wish list into my family schedule at 6pm every evening. No chance.

Tell him his best is not good enough.

Start leaving the house at 5:30pm to see your friends. Leave him to it.

The only way to stop these entitled men is to not allow them to dump the drudgery into the nearest woman.

He can meal prep for you and his child, his tastebuds are irrelevant.

The hell?

Oh, Mr. Delicate Tastebuds can sort his own food then. 🙄 Cook what you want and eat when you want.

If he started this routine when your child was born he's doing this to escape the evenings. That's unacceptable.

I would start going to the gym yourself at that time perhaps there is a class you fancy at 6pm?

That way you can take turns and he can then experience witching hour too? Perhaps it will change his perspective

Once or twice a week I could cope with. Mdot evenings he's having a laugh!

My dp goes to the gym before work, he starts at 7 so he's leaving very early for the gym! I go when my children are at their own sports, which sometimes means a shorted workout so I can get back t collect them. That's what you do when you have a family, you fit it around your family.

OP cook and make yourself dinner and stop making to for him. He will soon learn.

Say you want to go at 6.00pm?

Wtf. Seriously???

This wasn't by accident.
He is playing you for a fool.
Stop eating with him.
Eat earlier and suit yourself with food.
I doubt your marriage will survive such a selfish person, so start organising yourself.
Good husbands and fathers don't behave like this.
Start telling family and friends the truth so you can get support.
Im so sorry.

I think YABU a bit just because I go gym at a set time and it works really well for me.

But he is BU to expect you to not eat until he gets back.

His gym time is making your life difficult so he needs to do things to make sure it has less impact on your life.

I would be cooking dinner myself and getting him to wash up afterwards.

As soon as he comes home you can hand the baby over and go to the gym yourself whilst he does bath and bedtime.

Why are you making his dinner?!
Fuck that for a game of soldiers.
Crack on and eat your own, and enjoy the time with your baby.

Hard to tell, I don't think I'd have a problem with the 6pm thing, but I would have a problem with having to wait for dinner because of his "inflexible" schedule.

As baby grows into a child they won't be able to eat at 7:30/8:00pm so it needs sorting out sooner rather than later anyway.

Does he have time to make dinner before he goes? What time does he get in from work?

He goes to the gym every day, at 6pm? Or just on the days he goes to the gym, it's 6pm? How many days a week is 'most evenings'?

If it's every day at 6pm - fuck that. I understand he wants to see (and exercise with) his mates. 2 or 3 times a week is fine. Every day? Nope. If that's the scenario, I would be angry, and it would become something we'd need to change about our marriage.

If it's 2 or 3 times a week, I'd explore ways of you being able to eat without him on those days (he puts something in the slow cooker before work, eg), and I'd also be making sure to go out at 6pm a couple of nights a week to a class of his own so you don't end up just dealing with witching hour alone anyway while he magically busies himself with something else.

What time do you get in from work? What time does he? Do you both work full time? I do think going to the gym for an hour and a half every early evening is way too much.

I can imagine him and his friends all
laughing that their wives are home doing all the grunt work whilst they all play together. This is completely planned OP and you need to nip it in the bud now or accept this is your life.

you could him to cook dinner or have something in the freezer

as an ex single mum - I managed to get in from work , and have our tea ready by 6!

id find the regular times helpful

Only got as far as “because that’s when his friends go” …..your husband is a selfish arsehole.

He is unreasonable, but OTOH, I had 3 dc and DH worked till at least 8pm monday to friday. We ate batch cooked meals for about 10 years. No way was I cooking in the evenings.

TU of him to carry on his life as if he didn’t have a baby.

I don’t understand why you’re cooking his meals. If he leaves you in the lurch with the baby every night: sort the baby, have your supper and relax.

He can make his own meal when he gets back from the gym. If he won’t prep it he can make it fresh - that’s entirely up to him.

TU of him to carry on his life as if he didn’t have a baby.

I don’t understand why you’re cooking his meals. If he leaves you in the lurch with the baby every night: sort the baby, have your supper and relax.

He can make his own meal when he gets back from the gym. If he won’t prep it he can make it fresh - that’s entirely up to him.

I mean for a lot of people gym is both mental and physical health. I struggle working out alone and don’t get the best out of it compared to when I and with a buddy or in class. So I have specific classes and times I attend.

if it’s the same time then can dinner not be had later or on his days he does it earlier so you can just warm yours up when your ready.

Whether anyone is laughing or not I totally agree this should be nipped in the bud

Perhaps he could batch cook at the weekends?

Have your gym bag ready, car keys in hand, and as soon as he comes in the door from work go. Leave a note about dinner, so it's see you later bud when I've had my time at the gym now.