Page 12 | Maternity assessment and husband - AIBU

Sanpellegrino1 · 2026-01-14T14:15:28+00:00

I want to ask if I AIBU / hormonal? FTM pregnant 30 weeks - reduced fetal movement on Sunday evening; I was very upset and have barely slept with pregnancy insomnia past several weeks. Told my husband and he did not come with me as said ‘I might be kept in’ and he was working the next day. Thank God everything was OK. I got home at 2am. He did not have work until the afternoon the next day so he could have come with me or driven me there. Anyway when I arrived at maternity assessment the MW asked if I had a partner as every time I have attended I have been on my own (various things, spotting, UTI etc). I have driven myself down (20-30 minutes and usually quite upset). I was quite hysterical at her asking this and the situation and could not stop crying in maternity assessment. I feel very unsupported and isolated, I am not sure if this is pregnancy hormones. For my first scan he was on a golf trip and had to drive back for the morning but he asked if he ‘had to come’. I am started to feel the reason I have such high levels of anxiety during pregnancy is the fact I feel very unsupported but I wanted to ask AIBU to see if it could just me being unreasonable with high expectations. The midwife looked very worried about me and has referred me to perinatal mental health as a matter of urgency.

BernardButlersBra · 03/02/2026 09:56

Lilacrose27 · 02/02/2026 20:59

My partner was unsupportive during my last pregnancy I went to the hospital with reduce movement and severe pain and he complained he was uncomfortable on the chairs waiting around a then fell asleep in the waiting room. People were staring at me and were disgusted with his behaviour. He sat on his phone watching football while I was having examinations etc. and I had a massive medical emergency where my life and baby’s life was in danger and he made me feel so bad about being in the hospital I discharged myself. He actually woke me up at 11pm at night when the nurse came round to see if I still wanted to discharged to tell me that we could go home now.

he wasn’t any help during PP either I’ve done it all on my own. The perinatal mental health team were brilliant with me they put all sorts of things in place for me to support me and the staff at the hospital were great too. They actually noted it down as possible mental abusive relationship and checked in with me multiple times.

thankfully he’s been a bit better during my last pregnancy. But I’d definitely talk to the perinatal mental health team and get a plan into place. If you can get someone else to support you with your hospital visits I’m pretty sure that if you need someone with you you could ask for a chaperone or even ask if another nurse or midwife will hold your hand during bloods or exams I had a lovely nurse who held key hand when I was alone in the hospital for bloods and also catheters etc.
im so sorry you’re going through this especially at a time where you’re at your most vulnerable. Your hubby needs to grow up because life is about to change drastically and he’s not going to know what had hit him when the baby arrives. Also if he’s lazy at the hospital they’ll put him in his place he’s the to help you not for a relaxing break.

I don’t see why staff need to do stuff because husbands / partners can’t be arsed

pinkyredrose · 03/02/2026 10:07

Lilacrose27 · 02/02/2026 20:59

My partner was unsupportive during my last pregnancy I went to the hospital with reduce movement and severe pain and he complained he was uncomfortable on the chairs waiting around a then fell asleep in the waiting room. People were staring at me and were disgusted with his behaviour. He sat on his phone watching football while I was having examinations etc. and I had a massive medical emergency where my life and baby’s life was in danger and he made me feel so bad about being in the hospital I discharged myself. He actually woke me up at 11pm at night when the nurse came round to see if I still wanted to discharged to tell me that we could go home now.

he wasn’t any help during PP either I’ve done it all on my own. The perinatal mental health team were brilliant with me they put all sorts of things in place for me to support me and the staff at the hospital were great too. They actually noted it down as possible mental abusive relationship and checked in with me multiple times.

thankfully he’s been a bit better during my last pregnancy. But I’d definitely talk to the perinatal mental health team and get a plan into place. If you can get someone else to support you with your hospital visits I’m pretty sure that if you need someone with you you could ask for a chaperone or even ask if another nurse or midwife will hold your hand during bloods or exams I had a lovely nurse who held key hand when I was alone in the hospital for bloods and also catheters etc.
im so sorry you’re going through this especially at a time where you’re at your most vulnerable. Your hubby needs to grow up because life is about to change drastically and he’s not going to know what had hit him when the baby arrives. Also if he’s lazy at the hospital they’ll put him in his place he’s the to help you not for a relaxing break.

Can't believe you had another baby with this twat.

Lilacrose27 · 03/02/2026 10:35

BernardButlersBra · 03/02/2026 09:56

I don’t see why staff need to do stuff because husbands / partners can’t be arsed

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They didn’t do it because he couldn’t be arsed to be fair I was in the hospital on my own absolutely terrified I’ve had bad experiences medically in the past and they were aware of this and tried to make it more comfortable for me.

Lilacrose27 · 03/02/2026 10:37

pinkyredrose · 03/02/2026 10:07

Can't believe you had another baby with this twat.

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It most definitely was not planned it was failed contraception but it’s not my baby’s fault that they were created I have to deal with the consequences of my actions and I’m just lucky enough that that is an extra little person for me to love and take.

BernardButlersBra · 03/02/2026 14:11

Lilacrose27 · 03/02/2026 10:35

They didn’t do it because he couldn’t be arsed to be fair I was in the hospital on my own absolutely terrified I’ve had bad experiences medically in the past and they were aware of this and tried to make it more comfortable for me.

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He was sleeping and watching the football according to you, then you say he wasn’t at the hospital. So hardly engaged and supportive, so yeah that’s why l wrote can’t be arsed. Staff are busy enough without lazy husbands and partners wanting to be stood in for

Lilacrose27 · 03/02/2026 14:50

BernardButlersBra · 03/02/2026 14:11

He was sleeping and watching the football according to you, then you say he wasn’t at the hospital. So hardly engaged and supportive, so yeah that’s why l wrote can’t be arsed. Staff are busy enough without lazy husbands and partners wanting to be stood in for

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this was over two pregnancies. My second pregnancy I told him to go home on several occasions because he was complaining about how uncomfortable he was and some of the times he had to attend work. he sat and watched football on multiple occasions during my pregnancy while I was having examinations and being monitored. I wasn’t very clear about it in my post. When he was there I wouldn’t have been okay with the midwives holding my hand or whatever but when he wasn’t there it was a massive help and massive reassurance to me especially as I have additional needs too and hospitals are a trigger for me.