Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

I've done my time I played good cop and bad cop. It's not a bad thing leaving your child to figure it out. They will get bored eventually and find something to do. My children were very creative when they were young we bought them the right toys that will stimulate their imagination. Even up to this day they love being creative and learning new things. I was a strict parent I wouldn't pander to tantrums. If you think it's bad now wait until they hit puberty and the tantrums become strops. I survived all of it and my kids kept their self respect and dignity. The amount of teenagers in sexual health clinics is ridiculous because they can't parent their daughters so they put them on the pill. It's a pattern of pandering to your child's every discomfort.

Of course it was the wrong thing.

Never leave a child to cry, the only thing it teaches them is that noone comes to help when they're upset, scared, ill or whatever.

My 15m old gets up between 4.30 and 5am we go downstairs and start the day. My daughter now 13 was the same. I believe some children are just early risers. We go to bed early and he has a long nap to counter act. Maybe your son needs a similar routine? (I dont enjoy it but we are used to it now)

Sorry but no.
OP had gone to him. He wasn't wet, in pain, hungry, scared or unwell. He wanted to get up and it wasn't time so he threw a tantrum.
Big difference between that and leaving a toddler with an ear infection or wet nappy to cry.

But he wasn't actually scared or lonely. He was just having a tantrum because the OP wouldn't take him downstairs.

It would be different if it was a tiny baby crying, but this a two-year-old yelling because he didn't get his own way, not a baby with separation anxiety.

How do you know he wasn't scared or lonely?

we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

Never give a child a phone to watch if you want them to sleep - it will just wake them up even more, and gives them mixed messages about what is night time and what is day time.
At night, there are no activities, and no light beyond a dim night-light. His only options are to lie in the semi-dark being bored (crying or not), or to go back to sleep. Don't get him out of his bed/cot. Go in every 20-30 mins and tell him firmly "it is still night time, go back to sleep", then leave the room again immediately. Doing anything else is just adding activity and stimulation, making him wake up more.

The issue is that you can't stand his crying.
You are just heading into the worst of the toddler years, when crying becomes an emotional tool. You have to develop a deaf ear to the crying-because-not-getting-what-I-want (whilst obviously still being alert to crying-because-pain/hungry/cold, etc.)
He is not a helpless baby anymore.

Agreed. It’s ridiculous that you would let a child of 2 have its own way in the middle of the night. She went into him he knew she was there and I bet he was not left in a dark room, He hasn’t had a nightmare he just wanted up to plsy.

How do you know he wasn't in pain, hungry, scared or unwell? Perhaps asking to go downstairs was the only way he could communicate he was in some sort of discomfort.

How do you know he hadn't had a nightmare? So many posters making statements about how this 2 year old definitely didn't feel to justify his mother not responding to him.

Sorry, but I completely disagree. This is one occasion where the child had been comforted and told it was nighttime. The OP didn't leave him to cry. She had checked on him. She even has a monitor so she can see him. I'm fairly sure she knows her child better than any of us, and is clearly a decent, loving mother to have asked the question in the first place.

Children absolutely need to learn to self-soothe. If you never let them figure it out, they will likely grow up being oversensitive and insecure. Being a good parent is just as much about setting boundaries as it is about offering comfort, and there needs to be a balance if we don't want to nurture a generation of pathetic snowflakes.

She did leave him to cry. She checked on him and then left him in the room. Sure, she watched him on the monitor but he didn't know that.

when He wakes up there needs to be zero light, no conversation, a simple, “No, its too early the sun is still in bed, go back to sleep”, make it as boring as possible, no light, no phone, maybe a bottle of milk for comfort or what ever his comfort is (dummy, blanket, teddy).
Dont continue to tell him, just keep it simple and boring.

you can get clocks for this age that show night time day time, so you can explain better during the day that we only get up when the sun face is showing, not the moon face.

Try reading him a bedtime story about this, like “the sleepy owl” or “the going to bed book” to help him understand that nighttime is for sleeping not playing.

many people use the cry method, personally I didn’t, I used blackout curtains, a cuddle and back rub with bottle and I never spoke, no light just boring till they went back to sleep

Good luck

But he was in absolutely no danger. Yes, it is distressing when kids cry, but there comes a point where you need to differentiate between a child trying to get their own way and actually needing comfort. At two, children are old enough to test boundaries. If he learns that every single time he cries, Mummy will take him downstairs, no matter what time of night it is, he will never learn the rules.

This child is obviously well-loved. His mother told him it was dark outside and time to sleep. There is a difference between a child being inconsolably upset and trying to get their own way. Nighttime is bedtime. The sooner a child realises that, the better for everyone. Comfort them, yes. But you need to be firm about bedtime. Your kids need sleep just as much as you do.

She didn't have to take him downstairs. She also didn't have to leave him to cry on his own for an extended period of time.

It's possible that I'm lucky enough to have never met the manipulative toddlers so many are describing on this thread, but it's more likely he cried because he needed something or just needed some comfort. His mother responded by closing the door and leaving him alone - that is what he will have understood from the event.

It's not like this is an every-night occurrence, and one bad night does not make a child think their parent has abandoned them and will never be there for them again. You're very lucky if you have compliant kids who do as they're told without too much discipline.

My kids learned very quickly that this sort of behaviour wasn't acceptable. They always knew that mummy was there, but they also knew from a young age that bedtime was for sleeping. Thankfully, it doesn't seem to have done them any lasting harm. I was always told how well-behaved they were as kids when they went to other people's houses for sleepovers, and they've grown into lovely humans who don't hate me for letting them cry things out occasionally.

Because I think the poster would have mentioned it. She did respond to him. And took him into bed. She said he does not like to co sleep. He wanted to go downstairs. She said she went into him.

That's great for your children. I have never let mine cry anything out - because it's unnecessary - and they're lovely humans.

And then she put him back in his bed and left him there. Watching on the monitor isn't responding to him.

That's great for your kids, too, but crying is not always a bad thing—especially when it comes to boys. My son has always been taught that crying is a very good thing and that he should always feel able to express his emotions. Far too many young men are of the mind that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.

At the end of the day, there is no rule book when it comes to parenting. We just have to do our best, knowing that we'll all make plenty of mistakes along the way and hoping that we'll still have a good relationship at the end of it.

You're confusing two very different topics there. Using the cry it out method is not the same as teaching boys that it is ok to express their emotions.

Because most mothers know their children

Are you the child's mother?

No. I never said they were the same thing. It's just that you seem to think leaving a child to cry for any length of time is tantamount to parental abuse. I want the OP to realise that a different choice doesn't make her a bad parent, and that not everyone on MN likes to drag people down instead of being supportive and raising each other up.

My parenting choices worked well for our family, and I now have two adult children who are happy and well-adjusted, so I must have done something right.

You do you.

I don't think leaving a child to cry for any amount of time is tantamount to parental abuse, that's very dramatic. I disagree with the cry it out method and I particularly disagree with anyone leaving their child to cry for over an hour for any reason and then trying to justify it as helping the child learn to sleep/self soothe/not become a snowflake/learn that it's ok for boys to cry.

I didn't say OP is a bad parent. I haven't dragged anyone down. OP asked if others believe she did the wrong thing. I believe she did do the wrong thing hence my response saying so.

I"m glad you're happy with your parenting choices and I'm glad your children are happy.