Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

Hi there, what is your question? What was wrong? Could be multiple things but at this age my children both suffered with night terrors.

There’s genuine science that leaving your child alone to cry causes many emotional issues as they go into childhood and in adult life. How confusing for the poor boy, you take him out and then suddenly get sick of him and decide to just put him back alone in his room again. I bet he was so sad. Unfortunately early mornings are part of being a parent whether you like it or not

Does he have naps OP?

Both my ds quit napping at 20 months. It’s really shit (single parent here also) but mine would be waking at 4/5am if they did have one and it was a killer.

They would scream whenever trying to put them down for a nap anyways so I just stopped putting them down for them. The odd catnap in the car or buggy but they would wake up after 20 minutes anyways.

My youngest (22 months) still wakes up often due to recurrent tonsilitis but at least since cutting the naps, he wakes up 6:30 onwards.

My 2 kids had phases like that, waking up at 4-5am. It's horribly tiring, specially with my full time job, but it's just a phase, and it would have never crossed my mind to let them cry for 1h30 just to prove a point that it was too early. They have no clue, they're too little. All they know is that they need to be near you and for some reason they are distraught in their bed/not tired anymore/etc. A 2 year old won't understand why you can hear them cry, come to their bedroom now and again but not take them with you/downstairs.
As another PP said, how would you feel if you were really upset and the person you love just leaves you there, comes in from time to time, but despite you saying you want to leave the room, they dismiss you and leave you there anyway.

You did the right thing. If you went downstairs he may want to do this every night. You give him a cuddle and he knew where you were.

I cba to read this whole thing but please OP DONT PUT YOUR 2 YEAR OLD IN FRONT OF A PHONE SCREEN 🙏🙏

No it’s not ok. Whatever solution you figure out works for you leaving your 2 year old crying alone for 90 minutes is not the right one.

Hi Op what would he have wanted downstairs did he think it was getting up time? I hope it’s not a regular occurrence mine did this it’s torture being awake at that time and the crying on top. Op as his parent you do what’s best for you at that particular moment no rule book available. Sometimes I wonder why people have a go at others on here. it’s a forum for advice not everyone will agree so ignore the mean ones.

So at almost exactly this age dc2 would wake in the middle of the night (between 2-4 am) and want to get up/go downstairs and play. They were early talkers and had some words and I remember 'arguing' with them on the landing. "Want play" "No play, sleep time" (you get the picture) followed by angry sobbing and lots of rapid retuning back to bed (we had to move to a bed as the determined wee thing was dangerously attempting climbing out the cot in a grow bag! Fun times. Only you can tell if it's distress or cross crying, the tone, rest of body language and pitch is definitely different imho..... You could try a groclock?

Get him a Gro clock, teach him when the sun comes up and it changes colour that is getting up time. Then he can read in bed or sing to himself or whatever until getting up time. Worked with my DD. I would not ever leave a little one to cry for that long, he's not having a tantrum, but time for him is different to you and probably he started off crying because he wanted to go downstairs but then it morphed into general distress and needed dealing with. Next time I'd put him in my bed with the light off and cuddle him, if he kicks and tries to escape warn him about the drop and help him to get down easily, my DS has managed it off a similar height bed since he was 18m with holding onto the edge and dropping carefully. Let him roam in the dark, he will soon get bored and want to come back in with you. You can also just get a bed guard for the side of the bed to stop him falling, or some wide steps.

Why? Because she couldn't be bothered to properly try and comfort him? He is only 2!

Long time ago but I can remember those nighttime panic attacks at that age. I used to go and creep into my older brother's bed with him. We would whisper to each other and it settled me down. Before anyone judges...it was NOT incestuous...just comforting.
Don't worry OP, just comfort and soothe your little one in any way that works for you both.

Going by some of these responses you could be judged for making a fuss, and laying them down next to you. Others could class that as lazy parenting and you can't be bothered to parent your child. Other mothers will judge you for the smallest thing if they think they can do it better than you.

You took him to your bed and he stopped crying. You could have read him a story. A phone is too stimulating.
Highly likely he would fall out of a four poster bed!Maybe put him to bed a bit later then he won't wake up so early .

You do realise single mum's can be middle and even upper class.

She's a tired woman doing all of the work and child raising herself. Class has got nothing to do with how she chooses to parent her child.

Getting any understanding or empathy from these so called mother's who claim that they are "CARING" is like getting blood out of a stone it's never going to happen. You're bringing class into it now. Well a lot of you sound privileged and lucky to have the energy, and time to sleep with your children. The op has everything on her shoulders no one to share it with. Most of you don't understand the pressure and what it feels like. That's a different anxiety to walk with and all you want to do is knock her down and talk shit. I hope your children never have to struggle and turn to any of you for support because all they will receive is a lot of judgement and abuse.

I didn't bring class into it. That was another pp.

I do realise what it's like to be a single parent, I am one. I shoulder everything. I still wouldn't leave my child to cry for an hour and half. I know what it's like to be frazzled to the point of burnout, the OP asked whether it was okay and lots of pp pointed out that it wasn't okay to leave your 2 year old to cry for 90 mins and made suggestions of what to do.

She monitored him and knew he was fine. He won't turn into a delinquent because he didn't get his own way. Being a good parent is saying no and leaving them to feel upset or cry it out. You can't comfort them when you told them no it defeats the whole idea. You can't be nice all the time. You have to follow through no is no you can't comfort them after they won't believe you next time. They will leave one day to become independent without you and hopefully will understand boundaries and when someone says no.

But a persistently exhausted mother is not a good mother. It is not 'terribly wrong' to teach your children boundaries from a young age. You make it sound like she did nothing to appease him, and simply abandoned him. It's also completely impractical to start the day at stupid o'clock if you have other children that need to get up for school the next day, or you have to go to a job feeling permanently knackered.

A toddler doesn't dictate the routine. An adult teaches them a healthy routine so the whole family doesn't go batshit crazy. My strapping (now 18-year-old) survived just fine with plenty of cuddles and kisses and a bedtime routine that we (largely) stuck to because it works. Yes, he tested the boundaries and it took us a while to work through it, but we persevered. Kids usually respond very well to routine unless there are extenuating circumstances.

nonsense.
I can say no, commiserate with my child over their feelings, comfort them in their upset and still maintain a no. acknowledging their feelings and letting them feel loved and supported isn't giving in and isn't detrimental.
if my kid wants the telly on and I say no and they get upset, I wouldn't walk out and come back when they've stopped crying. I'd acknowledge they feel sad, explain why I said no, offer a cuddle and help them to find something out to do because they're small and their emotions are huge.

What about parents wanting to comfort a crying child is bizarre to you?

Being a good parent is saying no and leaving them to feel upset or cry it out.

This is an insane thing to say! CIO is absolutely not on the list of things that makes someone a good parent?!

And comforting them after saying no is completely normal! You're not supposed to GIVE IN after saying no surely. So don't go downstairs at 4am, but also dont leave them to cry for over an hour? After you woke them up more by giving them your phone?

My children are grown work it out yourself.

When my youngest was that age in the 80s, dummies were acceptable and that would have soothed your little one back to sleep. Nowadays most things that worked for us in those dark ages are deemed totally disgraceful/unnacceptable/child neglect and yet a single parent still needs enough sleep to function. My child grew up to be an amazing person with straight teeth and no attachment issues (and also used a dummy with their first born).