Cried for 90 mins

[draft123]

Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

I would have done exactly the same as you. I’m afraid you won’t get much support on here for this though. Leaving a child to cry for more than 4 minutes is a crime punishable by flagellation according to mumsnet. Instead you’re just supposed to martyr yourself and resign yourself to getting up at 4 am.
Especially as a single parent you need sleep and some sleep training might be a necessity.

What the fuck.

He wanted to go downstairs, the whole of the time he was awake.

He's also not able to be left alone in my bed because it's not safe for him. So he sleeps in his cot..

He was trying to get of the bed. It's a 1.2 m drop

Don't be daft, I'm not going to be in bed and me fall asleep but accident and him fall

They are really a bizarre bunch aren't they!

Yeah, and sometimes that's what you have to do as a parent. You don't leave them crying for an hour.

My toddler is going through a phase of waking at 5am. I get up and we start the day. I don't leave her crying in her room for an hour, until 6 when I'd like to get up.

That is totally uncalled for.

So why did you post, if you're just going to ignore the majority?

Most people will not think it's normal or acceptable to leave a toddler crying for more than an hour.

he was likely crying because he wasn’t tired anymore / was hungry / has tooth pain / hurts or itches etc etc. there could be a million reasons! Depends what had happened during the day before.

putting him into your bed with a phone only exacerbated it! You just a) woke him up fully and b) showed him something that he wanted to keep doing even more than he originally wanted to go downstairs I expect.

in this instance I think you should have taken it on the chin and either got up early with him or played quietly in his room with him / read to him etc then tried to put him back to bed.

it would be different if he was doing this every morning but if it was just a one off then I think you were harsh in letting him cry for an hour alone. Sometimes toddlers cry for one thing, and then end up hysterical and unable to calm themselves because they have been crying for ages (completely unrelated to the original thing they were crying about). This may have been what happened

over 2 years and in a cot? Mine climbed out of here about 18 months . Don’t worry about the bed height.

no I wouldn’t leave anyone crying alone for that length of time. Even if you have to hold them and say very now and then “it’s still night time “

it’s called parenting

correction - I wondered if it was a boy and suspect if it was. A girl you would behave differently

no I won’t validate your action. I think they were wrong

I don’t know why one or two posters are trying to make you feel bad here @draft123.
You obviously shouldn’t let him have your phone if you’re wanting him to sleep but I’d have maybe gone into his room and either slept in the bed with him, or put him in his cot and held his hand or whatever.
I agree with you that you didn’t want him going downstairs before 5am!

Tell him that nighttime is for being in bed, whether his own or yours. It is not time for going downstairs just because 'he wants to'. He needs to learn sharpish.

I find early mornings really hard- always have done, am just hard wired as a night owl- but when DS was that age he would have just come into my bed. I appreciate you couldn’t do that, so I think I would have gone into his room and laid on the bed in there with him, so that he knew I was there, but also knew it wasn’t time to get up. I wouldn’t personally have left a child of that age to cry. I wouldn’t leave a child of any age to cry for 90 minutes.

Hi OP. Sorry your are getting a hard time. Small children can manipulate and you didn't allow that, apart from the phone. He will be fine if this is a one off. However I'm future..

If you have a bed in his room, I think you should have stay in there with him either sharing that bed or he's in the cot and you're close by in the bed. Also, don't bring him into bed and show him your phone as that will be the new thing he wants in the middle of the night! Perhaps he just wanted a cuddle to get back to sleep. It's unusual to cry for that long if you're tired.

What time does he go to bed? Is he sleeping too long in the day? You may want to look at those things if he regularly wakes up for the day very early.

Holding the boundary of not going downstairs is fine and completely appropriate. Leaving the child for an hour crying alone is not. That’s what people are criticising

No. Small children don’t “manipulate”. His tears weren’t manipulation- they were frustration/ annoyance that he couldn’t do what he wanted to do. He won’t be cognitively capable at that age of reasoning “maybe if I cry, I’ll get what I want, because mummy will just want me to stop crying”.

Im not saying that means he SHOULD get what he wanted- but he wasn’t being manipulative.

Your mattress is 1.2m off the floor? Is it a four poster bunk bed?

Maybe I’m weird but I don’t really think 5am is too early, it’s a completely usual time for a lot of young children to wake up! My eldest DC woke religiously at 5am from being a toddler
through to around 14.

I’d honestly have tried to get him back to sleep at 4 but if he wasn’t having it by 5, I’d have got up.

I totally agree. Hence why I told the OP what I would have done.
I don’t think that posters should be unkind about it though. Sometimes we fuck up. I know I have countless times.

Well obviously he was up for the day and you needed to get up with him. Once it was obvious he wasn't going back to sleep, you treat that as being up for the day and you get up. He can go back to sleep a bit later. That's the way parenting works despite being 4.15am, some people deal with this every day. He doesn't understand what time it is. If it was 7am it would be cruel to leave him crying until 8 wouldn't it! Yes it would!

Agree. They go through phases where some days you have to get up early as a parent (nightmares, not feeling quite right, worries). Mine is still an early riser and he's much older now but obviously I don't get up with him these days.

My 31 month old is still in a cot. She cannot climb out of it. What was the point in that comment?

I read that making it as boring as possible for them when they wake up helps. No books or TV. I only read this years after my eldest used to do this at a similar age!! 😅 I got a clock that is blue overnight then yellow when it's ok to get up (you set the time), that helped a lot. And a toddler bed not a cot. Might be worth trying?

I think there’s crying and there’s distraught, mine cried at that age and I’d say ‘you’re fine try and go to sleep’ etc, they’d still be crying and I’d be checking and in and out. So I think it depends but I was always glad I didn’t take them downstairs or co sleep as then you’re feeding into it and it just turns into a nightly thing

Using the phone as a pacifier is madness

I’m confused, how long was he left to cry for?

He cried in total 90 mins right, but during that time he was being comforted by you, in your bed, watching your phone and when all else failed he was put in his cot to cry. How long was he in the cot crying?

I’ve been in this position before. I just took her downstairs and she then had an early nap. Everyone’s different so no judgement as such, but I’d probably question why you took such a hard line on it.