Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

Every person has different sleep needs. My little boy will only sleep 11.5 hours in a 24 hour period (he’s two and this is in the normal range for this age). He sleeps 8pm-6am and has a 90 minute nap in the day. If I put him to bed at 6.30 he would be up and 4.30 and he would be screaming until he exhausted himself. I am all for boundaries and am very strict about him sleeping in his own cot, but it needs kept in line with what’s achievable.

I would absolutely hate to be dependant on someone else to be able to sleep. Imagine how frustrating that is.

My two are happy as Larry to fall into their beds at the end of the day. They’ve been taught from a very small age that their rooms are their sanctuaries, that they’re safe and cosy and that mummy and daddy are downstairs for anything urgent in the night. The eldest does naturally wake up at 7ish, the youngest would probably sleep until 8ish.

I can’t see anything wrong with your routine.

I’m talking about chronically sleep deprived children and parents getting up at 4 and calling it normal

For the vast majority of children, a super early wake up will be a rare, one-off event. So no, it’s not a few hours of crying vs years of no sleep. It’s a few hours of crying vs a parent who can’t be arsed to get out of bend and see to their child.

Thats all it comes down to. The child could be soothed and comforted and encouraged back to sleep, but all that’s much harder work than just rolling over in bed and sticking your fingers in your ears isn’t it.

Although I’d probably start dropping the nap slowly rather than having less night time sleep but that’s me.

These theoretical 'chronically sleep deprived kids' may have the same sleep needs as the PP you quoted, and be getting put to bed too early. Did you consider that? If so then the only victim is the parents, but possibly they are prioritising getting a long evening over getting a long night's sleep.

Morning is 6am onwards. Ideally 7am. That’s reasonable.

You only have to read mumsnet, and indeed this thread. Didn’t you even say you don’t have enough sleep routinely?

More fool you for not dealing with the issue properly.

Ok. I‘m talking to the poster who got up for years.

Nobody has once said they roll over and go back to sleep. Stop making things up. You get up, you go in, you keep it dark, you reassure. But you do not get up and go downstairs and start your day. Because that’s actually the easy option - putting on the TV and giving in. I could be up and down for an hour reassuring and settling. But we did not get up. That’s the key.

Exactly.

Properly establishing boundaries takes hard work.

Ditto potty training.

Yeah I agree with that as well. This has gone wildly off tangent with all these warnings that if you give in and get up with your child early once then they'll learn a bad habit and wake up early forever more. It absolutely is a rare event for most children and probably in the OP's case too. In fact my son woke up much earlier than normal this morning and I got up with him then, and he had a longer nap to compensate, and his usual bedtime. I don't see why he would wake up early again tomorrow because of my actions.

Children who are comforted when upset at night do not turn into adults who can’t get themselves to sleep ffs.

It is hard work isn’t it? But sleep is so
important for everyone. You put the work in don’t you. Rather than get up and start your day at ridiculous 0’clock.

The conversation has moved in to a more general discussion

I often don't get enough sleep because I help my 1 year old get back to sleep when he wakes up, and sometimes that means waking up a few times a night, and I can't always get back to sleep easily after. He is not sleep deprived though. He gets plenty of sleep because I get him back to sleep quickly every time.

where have a said that?

There are MANY adults that can’t sleep properly at night. Many need the tv on to fall asleep for example

When mine were 1, they got 12 hours, and so did I! It’s possible. You just don’t want to listen for some reason.

I do think a lot of parents do this - I would LOVE my child to sleep 7-7 but found out the hard way that it isn’t happening 😂. If your child sleeps 12+ hours then that’s amazing, but if they are low sleeps needs then unfortunately you can’t have both an evening and a lie in until they are old enough to sort themselves out. You just have to get up and parent!

If you've got the routine right, no child is waking up at 4am to play. Either they are being put to bed too early, having too much sleep in the day or they ate unwell/ in discomfort!

My son gets about 11 hours a night plus nap. Is that not enough?

You’re not getting enough sleep by your own admission.
His sleep seems to be broken which could be better

Anyway I couldn’t really care less 😂

For a two year old the normal range is between 11 & 14 hours in a 24 hour period however anything between 9 & 16 hours is considered healthy. My best friends little boy has high sleep needs and can easily do a 12 hour night and a 3 hour nap - we are always joking that she has a completely different parenting experience to me 😅

A sleep trained baby's sleep is also broken, if the goal of sleep training is for them to put themselves back to sleep when they wake. I get to mine almost immediately when he wakes up and he's back to sleep within a couple of minutes. He's not sleep deprived. I'm sleep deprived but that's a matter of my own priorities. Don't make out that changing my night routine would be for the benefit of my child.

If it becomes a habit, maybe get a groclock. Try and teach him when the owl is blue, it’s bed time.

I need the TV/music on as I am ND and yes it helps. My mum certainly didn't get up with me at 4am. My kids can fall asleep easily and stay asleep now, I got up with them early when they woke up for the day when toddlers.