Page 19 | To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

missblueberrypie · 2026-01-12T23:35:01+00:00

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

SALaw · 13/01/2026 22:25

uturning · 13/01/2026 19:34

People are being unnecessarily mean on this thread and to an extent, I do understand why you’d feel hurt OP. I had a similar history with a friend except we always said we’d be godmothers to each other’s children. She even sent me an early scan picture with ‘your godson’ written on it. When her son was born, I found out she’d asked someone else. I wasn’t as upset as you but I was floored and felt really hurt. It wasn’t so much the not being asked but the fact that she’d changed her mind and not said anything to me. I just let it go but I felt like some of the trust was removed from the friendship.

For you, you’ve got a decision to make. If this is a friendship you don’t want to lose then you’ll have to dry your tears, put on your best fake smile and get on with it.

But she hasn’t excluded OP. OP is literally a bridesmaid. Also she hasn’t decided she’s closer with another friend. She’s having her SISTER as maid of honour (which I’m still unclear on the difference between that and normal bridesmaid).

saraclara · 13/01/2026 22:35

Yes she was married last year (too young in my opinion) and best friend was her maid of honour (she’s so lucky to have been maid of honour twice). I was at her wedding as an evening guest and to be honest it was pretty chaotic. 🙄

I honestly think that your friend has dodged a bullet. It sounds as though you'd have absolutely taken over her wedding and organised it to within an inch of its life, making it all about you.

What does your wife think of your MOH obsession? Does she think you're being reasonable?

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 13/01/2026 22:53

saraclara · 13/01/2026 22:35

Yes she was married last year (too young in my opinion) and best friend was her maid of honour (she’s so lucky to have been maid of honour twice). I was at her wedding as an evening guest and to be honest it was pretty chaotic. 🙄

I honestly think that your friend has dodged a bullet. It sounds as though you'd have absolutely taken over her wedding and organised it to within an inch of its life, making it all about you.

What does your wife think of your MOH obsession? Does she think you're being reasonable?

I agree.
It does take a certain kind of narcissist to be upset because they don't feel important enough in someone else's wedding.

AndMilesToGo · 13/01/2026 22:57

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 16:11

For all of these people saying I’m being unreasonable: you don't know me and my best friend. We have always been there for each. I have helped her through difficult times whilst her “sister” sat back and did nothing. I think I’m getting unfairly attacked on here 😔

Edited

My closest friend and I have been there for one another for close to 30 years, through good times and bad. Neither of us had the other as bridesmaid. It’s not some kind of reward for good behaviour!

IamNotBeingUnreasonable · 13/01/2026 23:42

You are being completely ridiculous, grow up!

Lurkingandlearning · 13/01/2026 23:48

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:40

But we had a deal and when she told me she was getting married I was so excited and I was already in my mind planning the hen do. I just feel like I’m not important anymore 😔

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It’s unlikely you were ever as important as her sister.

Read @Oneforallandallforone post again. It is very wise

batsh1ttery · 13/01/2026 23:49

PandorasSockBox · 13/01/2026 01:45

In the UK there is no such thing as a Maid of Honour, that is the American for Chief Bridesmaid or Matron of Honour, if already married.
Personally, I really do not like the current fashion of having all or mostly adult bridesmaids, weird multiple hen parties and all the other bizarre customs that are filtering in from over the Atlantic.
As for not being Matron of Honour, well that is the bride's decision and she has chosen her sister. You have been asked to be a bridesmaid, which is surely better than nothing.
Your reaction is extremely childish.

As Maid of Honour, I signed the marriage certificate as a witness, as did the best man.

disappointed124 · 13/01/2026 23:54

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:40

But we had a deal and when she told me she was getting married I was so excited and I was already in my mind planning the hen do. I just feel like I’m not important anymore 😔

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Oh my god

Nerdynerdynerd · 14/01/2026 00:09

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 12:30

But I love weddings so much. I just wish I could be there for her

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You can be there for her!... by not making this a big deal or all about you...

JMSA · 14/01/2026 00:53

If I were you OP, I’d be doing a bit of work on myself and really looking at why I’ve reacted so strongly to this.
Have you had issues with rejection in the past?

JMSA · 14/01/2026 00:54

Not that you have been rejected, but you know what I mean!

PandorasSockBox · 14/01/2026 10:20

@batsh1ttery When we got married I had my sister as Matron of Honour and my 2 nieces as bridesmaids, they were 5 and 11 at the time. My husband's brother was best man and my step-son, then aged 12, was junior best man and had my wedding ring. My sister and my husband's brother signed the register as witnesses.
This was the first and only time that my sister had been a "bridesmaid".

MyMilchick · 14/01/2026 12:50

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 16:11

For all of these people saying I’m being unreasonable: you don't know me and my best friend. We have always been there for each. I have helped her through difficult times whilst her “sister” sat back and did nothing. I think I’m getting unfairly attacked on here 😔

Edited

Why ask people if you're being unreasonable if you only want those who agree you're not to post?

Rachie1973 · 14/01/2026 20:33

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 16:11

For all of these people saying I’m being unreasonable: you don't know me and my best friend. We have always been there for each. I have helped her through difficult times whilst her “sister” sat back and did nothing. I think I’m getting unfairly attacked on here 😔

Edited

lol. I love ‘sister’ in inverted commas. Like it’s a pretend thing.

seriously.

Teapotee · 14/01/2026 22:44

You’re being completely reasonable.

I’d withdraw as a bridesmaid, but keep the dress and never take it off, and then live my remaining days as a recluse in a crumbling gothic mansion.

RampantIvy · 14/01/2026 22:53

Teapotee · 14/01/2026 22:44

You’re being completely reasonable.

I’d withdraw as a bridesmaid, but keep the dress and never take it off, and then live my remaining days as a recluse in a crumbling gothic mansion.

😁

Minniliscious · 14/01/2026 23:28

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 00:09

I only said primary school to long how known we’ve known each other. Our deal was made in secondary school

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I don’t know why but this just made me howl 😂😂😂

Original poster

missblueberrypie · 15/01/2026 00:03

Hi everybody. Just want led to thank those who understood where I was coming from and that it wasn’t a place of malice just hurt. I’ve noticed some of you have made some good points and perhaps the hormones of the pregnancy are talking right now. I did decide to bring it up with my best friend, however, and she said she felt she had to give it to her sister due to family tradition. Still hurt but I understand. Thank you all 🙏

OP posts:

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 15/01/2026 00:39

I'm glad you've come to terms with the situation. Enjoy being a bridesmaid, have a great day, and all the best with your pregnancy 💐

Jasmine222 · 15/01/2026 05:36

Hi OP,
I understand where you're coming from because something similar happened to me. My sister was my MOH and I thought we were extremely close, and when it was her turn to get married she gave the MOH title to a friend (the friendship has since fizzled out) and didn't even want me to get ready with her on the day. I know it's irrational but ever since then I've been more guarded because to me that meant "We're not as close as you thought." Also she didn't reserve a room for us at the venue even though I had a toddler, so I missed most of the evening part of the wedding because I had to travel to a hotel a 30min drive away when my toddler got tired. So yeah even though it's irrational, that stayed with me and I can't fully shake it off.

SALaw · 15/01/2026 05:59

Jasmine222 · 15/01/2026 05:36

Hi OP,
I understand where you're coming from because something similar happened to me. My sister was my MOH and I thought we were extremely close, and when it was her turn to get married she gave the MOH title to a friend (the friendship has since fizzled out) and didn't even want me to get ready with her on the day. I know it's irrational but ever since then I've been more guarded because to me that meant "We're not as close as you thought." Also she didn't reserve a room for us at the venue even though I had a toddler, so I missed most of the evening part of the wedding because I had to travel to a hotel a 30min drive away when my toddler got tired. So yeah even though it's irrational, that stayed with me and I can't fully shake it off.

Surely your post points to the OP’s friend doing exactly what she has done and giving the maid of honour title to her sister?!

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 15/01/2026 06:06

I can’t believe you brought it up with her.

Mumstheword1983 · 15/01/2026 07:16

missblueberrypie · 15/01/2026 00:03

Hi everybody. Just want led to thank those who understood where I was coming from and that it wasn’t a place of malice just hurt. I’ve noticed some of you have made some good points and perhaps the hormones of the pregnancy are talking right now. I did decide to bring it up with my best friend, however, and she said she felt she had to give it to her sister due to family tradition. Still hurt but I understand. Thank you all 🙏

Hi OP. Enjoy being a bridesmaid. It's hard to see now but in time you won't be as hurt. Congratulations to you and your wife on the new baby 😃

BunnyLake · 15/01/2026 09:50

Jasmine222 · 15/01/2026 05:36

Hi OP,
I understand where you're coming from because something similar happened to me. My sister was my MOH and I thought we were extremely close, and when it was her turn to get married she gave the MOH title to a friend (the friendship has since fizzled out) and didn't even want me to get ready with her on the day. I know it's irrational but ever since then I've been more guarded because to me that meant "We're not as close as you thought." Also she didn't reserve a room for us at the venue even though I had a toddler, so I missed most of the evening part of the wedding because I had to travel to a hotel a 30min drive away when my toddler got tired. So yeah even though it's irrational, that stayed with me and I can't fully shake it off.

Exactly opposite of OP’s situation. OP is like your sister’s friend surely, the one you resented being moh instead of you, the sister?

ktopfwcv · 15/01/2026 21:47

DidIJustHearWhatIThinkYouSaid · 13/01/2026 00:45

And here we have it …

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Have what?