To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

[missblueberrypie]

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

My best friend was my bridesmaid! She’s got 3 sisters then we’re hers and I was just a guest! That’s how it goes sometimes.

Just because you are her bridesmaid rather than MOH doesn’t mean she doesn’t see you both as close and value your friendship/ see you as her closest friend. Everybody I know who has a sister has always chosen their sister as MOH rather than friends it isn’t personal to the friends and no one else will look at you as any less of a best friend to her. You sound like your pride has been hurt or you’re jealous of her sister.

I asked a question, maybe ask yourself why you have an issue with that? Odd post

Yes my husband is my best friend, above anyone else.

I would think you are unreasonable if she just choose her sister over you, that is OK, is her sister. But the excuse she has given you about your being pregnant and not being able to be involved in the planing is bridecilla level 1, is all about me, in my humble opinion.

I think she’s playing it safe having her sister as moh. Friends can be tricky and fall out. Sisters can also but families family so more reason not to fall out forever. Be relieved! Moh is a pain in the absolute ass! Enjoy being a bridesmaid. And unless you want to appear very unreasonable do not fall out with her over this.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Youre being very silly

That’s a lovely place to be. I wish more people saw their life partner as their best friend instead of their enemy.

To be fair to PP, your question was pretty rudely stated, asking them if they are a child when they had already acknowledged that they could have stood their ground but decided the fall out wasn't worth it.

Oh FFS. Stop with the 😞faces. And banging on about wanting to be part of the wedding and "I wish I could be there for her". You're a bridesmaid. You will be there (unless, as I suspect, you'll not go out of sheer childishness and petulance).

I have 3 best friends and I wasn't even a BRIDESMAID for any of them. Never mind a MOH! And none of them were mine!

Grow up.

Yes. My husband is my best friend, my companion and my confidante. I have plenty of other friends, but he knows me the best. 40 years together and counting!

Grow up

Her wedding, her choice
Live with it

What does it matter whether MOH or bridesmaid? I don’t understand your thought process. Personally whenever I have agreed to be a bridesmaid it’s because the person is a friend who I value and I have agreed to do it to please them.

You cannot say that with any sense of certainty as you do not know what a "sister" relationship actually feels like or means.

wise up!

you made a deal when you were kids. i'm sorry if you asked her to be you MOH out of a sense of obligation and not because you wanted her, but that was on you. She's now navigating complex adult relationships. people grow up. she still loves you enough to include you.

That's insulting to 13yr olds!

YABU. The "reason" your friend gave is obviously only partly that you're pregnant, and mostly that, well . . . it's her sister.

You say you would have chosen BFF as your MOH over a sister, if you had one. But that's a ridiculous hypothetical. You have no idea how actually having a sister would have changed your relationship with your BFF, or what this imaginary sister would have been like. So there's no point feeling hard done-by with all the "oh, I would have done it differently" stuff.

You don't have a sister. You don't understand that relationship. There could be any number of reasons your friend made this decision. Maybe she was strong-armed by family. Maybe her sister is going through something. Maybe she sees this as an opportunity for them to bond? The whole situation is probably more complex than you can grasp. Especially as you seem to think how well they get on is an accurate gauge of how much they love each other, and you can't tell people you don't have any sisters yourself without adding the pity-me sadface emoji. That's weird, and suggests a tendency to make things all about you.

All this drama is stupid, frankly. "I'm furious", "our friendship will never be the same again", "I thought we were closer than this" 🙄. You either are close friends or you aren't. If everything else between you is as good as it ever was, then her MOH decision clearly isn't personal, and you're massively overreacting. Accept the reason she's given you and move on.

One final thing. Is there anyone else you would have wanted to be your MOH? Were you happy with the experience BFF gave you for your wedding? If so, then stop feeling so hard done-by. Yes, it would have been nice to return the favour. But you still shared a beautiful moment in your friendship, and have the opportunity to share more in future. Talking about it as a "bargain" and an "honour" the way you do makes me wonder if your feelings are actually hurt, or if you just wanted your moment to claim Irrefutable Best Friend status in front of everyone. It's fine to feel a little hurt, but you're letting your resentment get out of hand.

Grow up

You are completely over reacting! If things like this are going to exercise you to this extent, good luck when you have something really serious to confront in life!

so her sister is married? Was friend MOH for her?

i do wonder, from your idea of what a MOH is and all the planning and organising you wanted to do if you put a hell of a lot on her as MOH and she wants a slightly more hands off approach in her MOH.

if it helps, my older sis was my MOH, she did nor organise my main hen do because she isn't fun enough lol. no, genuinely. my school friends did it and it was amazing. they had more time between them, they were up for doing stuff my sister wouldn't have planned or enjoyed so it worked out. She did organise a smaller family one. And i did everything else (with DH) because it was my wedding.

Op you need to take a deep breath here.

this is one day in her life - and you are allowing huge and intense emotions to override your lifelong friendship.

This sounds like loads of stuff bubbling away about your own desires and wishes and fantasies about organising her wedding - let it go!

Do you love your friend? Do you want to remain friends for the rest of your life?

the run up to a wedding has so much stress and emotion it seems nowadays!!

my own wedding - now it was 10 years ago - is a blur!

Put this into perspective of all the troubles of the world and just be a good friend to her and enjoy the day for the fun that it will be.
I

Have you considered that this whole thing is not actually all about you?