To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

[missblueberrypie]

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

You’re making HER wedding all about YOU. It’s not. You seriously need to get a grip OP.

You are pregnant, stop focusing on what your BF did or didn't do. She has actually done you a favor by releasing you from the hen do responsibilities. Now you can enjoy the Hen do & the wedding. You need to be focusing on different things...more important things ...like your baby, you know they can detect stress with a excessive cortisol being released.

What are you talking about? Of course you can “Be there for her” she’s asked you to be a bridesmaid for gods sake!!!!!
I’d understand all this more if you weren’t even invited to the wedding but for crying out loud ages asked you to be a bridesmaid which is such an honour, you need to get over yourself.

I wasn't my best friends made of honour. It wasn't a big deal.

Get over yourself.

You are entitled to your feelings but it does all sound very immature. Try and focus on the role you have been given and offer to help her sister plan if you have lots of good ideas.

You are being really silly.

Why did the reason being your pregnancy make you "even more heartbroken"? It sounds perfectly reasonable to me - surely it’s better than the reason being she just doesn’t like you that much any more.

She was wrong not to tell you directly, but perhaps she never set as much store by a childhood agreement as you did.

@missblueberrypie You said that your friend's sister is married, that she is 9 years younger than you and your friend who are in your late 20's.

So I guess the friend's sister/MOH is about 19 and must have got married fairly recently? So was your friend MOH for her sister? Would make sense for your friend to reciprocate?

Yes, I think this is what you need to do, OP. Focus on your pregnancy and the child you already have. Work in building your family together with your wife. She's more than a romantic partner, she's a life partner and a co-parent. Perhaps focus on that moving forward.

OP, had you talked about this agreement since secondary school? If you had talked about it in the last 5 to 10 years, perhaps it would have been kind of her to have a quick word with you before you discovering that her sister was maid of honour. But you do seem to be overreacting a bit.

Why are you so hurt? Are you quite isolated generally, do you depend a lot on this one friend and have quite a small social circle, do you take rejection easily? Do you form intense friendships? Do you have a busy life otherwise? I’m just trying to understand why you are hurt to this degree.

The wedding isn’t about you, op. I can’t relate to what you’re feeling because I don’t understand why you are so upset. You are still a bridesmaid, you can still be involved and be there for her/celebrate etc. The moh is her sister, not some random. You need to squash these feelings now or you alone risk ruining the friendship. Your friend hasn’t done anything wrong.

It really sounds like you think it’s all about you and your only chance to be a maid of honour. This is your friends wedding and for whatever reason she has chosen her sister. You need to pull up your big girl pants and get over yourself.

For all of these people saying I’m being unreasonable: you don't know me and my best friend. We have always been there for each. I have helped her through difficult times whilst her “sister” sat back and did nothing. I think I’m getting unfairly attacked on here 😔

you don't me and my best friend

Apparently, neither do you 🤷‍♀️

And apparently neither does she because I can't imagine she foresaw this ridiculous overreaction to nothing. Do you not think friendships need to mature and adjust with time? You really do sound like a schoolgirl here.

But you’re STILL HER BRIDESMAID! You’re acting as if you haven’t even been invited to the wedding.

Yes she was married last year (too young in my opinion) and best friend was her maid of honour (she’s so lucky to have been maid of honour twice). I was at her wedding as an evening guest and to be honest it was pretty chaotic. 🙄

@missblueberrypie really sorry you feel attacked. Please bear in mind that the maid of honour thing is often about things other than the quality of the relationship. My sister and I aren't close at all and on the day itself it was still my friend, who was "just" a bridesmaid, who helped me and was "there for me". Try not to let this decision affect your friendship. In my case, the decision was nothing to do with how I felt about the two people themselves.

This is her SISTER.

You are being ridiculous.

You are late 20s and her sister is 9 years younger. So her sister must be late teens/20 ish, yet already married and relocated. Exactly how much could her sister have actually 'done'? Aside from anything else, she was still a child through these difficult years.

And none of this matters anyway. You are holding onto a childish fantasy. No one hangs onto stupid teenage agreements outside of low budget made for TV movies.

Your friend wants her sister to be her MOH. Her reasons are hers and do not need to make sense to you. Your energy would be better spent working out why you are fixated on this rather than being angry with your friend. She has done nothing wrong.

Also who cares this much about being somebody’s MOH?

How weird.

I hope it isn't patronising to suggest that with your pregnancy too you are maybe feeling a bit anxious about how your friendship will be in the future, and who you are now you're a mum to be? Just, your reaction is so intense to a one day thing, it maybe is about something bigger than that?

But maybe that was what her sister wanted, something less formal and to go with the flow. Not being funny but you saying she was too young is slightly ironic given your reaction to something that is both irrelevant in the overall scheme of things and a natural thing for a bride to ask her sister.
I would focus on being pregnant, not obsess over this, it’s not good for you.

And finally we get there. She is reciprocating with her sister. I am willing to bet there has been a far more recent conversation between them as adults to be MOH for each other.

Your comments about her age and about her evening do being chaotic with added eye roll emoji are plain nasty.

@JudyMoncada yeah, I agree - the eye roll and comment about sister's age are a bit judgey.

@missblueberrypie You'd have hated my wedding 😂

Her sister is 9 years younger so late teens or 20 at most now what exactly do you think a bloody teenager or younger should have done to help her adult/near adult sibling through "difficult times".
Give your head a wobble her sister didn't sit back and do nothing she was a bloody child.