To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

[missblueberrypie]

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

You do seem quite strangely overinvested. For the first time it is crossing my mind whether your friend perhaps didn’t want you be moh for that reason. You might be intense and OTT over everything, and might irritate the other bridesmaids etc. Do you think that could be a thing? I really don’t mean to be horrid, just basing it on how you are coming across here.

Op, you need to get over this very quickly to make sure that on the big day your face isn’t tripping you and your friend ends up ruing the day you both met.

Who the hell is buying this? I honestly despair at people falling for rage bait/ reverse type threads.
Look at the board for the other side of this exact scenario, then take this with a pinch of salt .
Report me if you want, I just needed to get that off my chest 😉.

You are married and pregnant with your second child. I don't think your best friend's wedding should be your main focus in life. Enjoy helping your friend as a bridesmaid. She has been MoH twice so had to let down either you or her sister, perhaps she thought you were more mature and would support her in a difficult decision. You will also make more friends, someone may ask you to be their MoH yet.

Right - I’ve been MOH 4 times and bridesmaid twice. Let me tell you, there is little to no difference. I didn’t plan everything when I was MOH, everyone pitched in. It was mostly a title, and on the day you absolutely won’t care.
I am sorry you are upset, but you are over reacting - big time.
Just be happy to be included and happy for your friend.

You’re bloody crackers @op

I think the OP needs to get a life!

Firstly that doesn’t matter, you could be as close as can be and you are still unreasonable. Secondly, you don’t know how to use inverted commas. She is in fact her sister, presumably.

OP apparently. Never knew it was such a big thing capable of ruining life long friendships 🤷‍♀️

Stupid thing is she already has a life. A husband, a child and another on the way. Why this MoH thing is such a big thing to her is quite strange to me. It would be like having a strop because the boy you made a pact with at 14 to marry at 40 if you were still free, goes and marries someone else six months before turning 40.

What do you mean? It's not rage bait.

A wife.

I do tend to fret over things to be fair

Have you accepted that you are being unreasonable here?

Please don't ruin a friendship over this.

I don't think you really understand just how ridiculous you are being.
Do you not get that if 97% of votes say YABU, that you might just be wrong?

Your reaction is completely OTT. Why on earth do you want the aggro of organising a hen do anyway? I have read enough hen do threads on MN to know that being MOH is a poisoned chalice. And why do you think it is your business to help organise the wedding? It's up to the bride and groom isn't it?

What do you mean? It's not rage bait.

People think it is rage bait because you are being completely barmy about it.

It's worrying that you think this is a perfectly normal reaction. It isn't. What does your wife think?

OP, I think you are being unreasonable, but I do sympathise. I imagine you are feeling that her side of the friendship must never as been as strong as yours, but that’s really not the case. The fact is she has a sister and as pp have said, this usually means MOH in the same way a brother would be best man or… mother mother-of-the-bride. Try not to take it personally.

Maybe think, sister is in a position that she knows the Bride’s friends and family for organising hen-do etc. Sister had to be chosen for the bridal party. You did not, and yet you were!!!!! You are her friend! She will not be having “pity” bridesmaids! She loves you and wants you with her on your special day.

Perhaps you could reach out to sister and ask if she wants a sounding board for hen-do or even any help? I bet she does!

People are being unnecessarily mean on this thread and to an extent, I do understand why you’d feel hurt OP. I had a similar history with a friend except we always said we’d be godmothers to each other’s children. She even sent me an early scan picture with ‘your godson’ written on it. When her son was born, I found out she’d asked someone else. I wasn’t as upset as you but I was floored and felt really hurt. It wasn’t so much the not being asked but the fact that she’d changed her mind and not said anything to me. I just let it go but I felt like some of the trust was removed from the friendship.

For you, you’ve got a decision to make. If this is a friendship you don’t want to lose then you’ll have to dry your tears, put on your best fake smile and get on with it.

I think all the people calling you unreasonable probably don’t have a platonic adult best friend. It’s a very special relationship. It’s rare. I have one too and people don’t understand. They think we’re childish or secretly gay, but we just love each other platonically. We’re each others’ person. I understand your pain 💕

I do think the choice of sister was more logistics than anything. She could easily not have had a MOH, as many do not. I think it’s due to the number of bridesmaids and it sounds as if the connections between you are quite disparate, rather than say you organising a bunch of school friends.

I suspect most people on here have platonic adult close friends, @FunnyOrca .
It's really not the issue here, the problem is OP's reaction to not being MoH.

Yes she was married last year (too young in my opinion) and best friend was her maid of honour (she’s so lucky to have been maid of honour twice). I was at her wedding as an evening guest and to be honest it was pretty chaotic. 🙄

You judge people, you show signs of envy, and don’t respect the choices of others. Do you think it might be possible there was a risk of you trying to override the bride’s wishes if you were ‘in charge’? Just a thought.

This reminds me of a film.😋

Wtf? You sound like a 12 yo! Yabu, she can have who she wants, if you are always this childish about stuff i cant blame her!

Apologies. ❤️

Yes, honestly don’t over think it. Enjoy being a bridesmaid.

We don’t. You’re right. Probably would discuss it with your friends then rather than starting an AIBU thread.

Most people with a half decent relationship with their sister would make them MOH. It’s just the way it is.

Don't let it spoilt a good friendship. Life’s too short.