Is this just fucking rude or am I being precious?

[clothespegg]

We live in Italy. Dd4 recently turned 18 and her present was a trip to London with a friend. I paid flights and spending money (for her), one of her sisters paid for a plush hotel for both of them, another organised ice skating, another took them out for meals etc… they were away 5 days and seemed to have had a great time.

I didn’t know the other girl, so we met up with her and her mother beforehand, organised flights and chatted. I gave her all my and my older dd’s details etc. Her dd slept here the night before they left, we took them both to the airport at dawn (they don’t have a car),and picked them up and dropped other girl off at hers when they got back (the other side of town). The mother was out when my DH dropped her off.

And nada. Silence. Not a single word back. Not a thank you or an acknowledgement. Nothing. Dad says everything was great and they both loved it. I’m not expecting flowers or champagne, but even a text would have been nice. AIBU?

I'd guess the girl probably thanked DD as it was more DD taking her along? And would have assumed DD thanked you.

I do think it’s a bit rude but some people have no manners.
My sons best mate was kicked out of his dads house 6 months ago, mum lives a few miles away.
We took him in and have been feeding him and paying for the extra in utilities all that time.
Haven’t heard a peep from mum or dad!

Wouldn’t you have texted the mother though? Just to say thank you or something? It feels off to me

Did the daughter not say thank you when you dropped her off? Not sure why the parents need to say thank you tbh if they are 18 year olds, not as though they got to go themselves. If they were home i am sure they'd have said but probably just assumed their adult child had thanked you.

@Newname71trumps mine. And good on you

Rude of young friend unless she has been communicating thanks to your DD and been told not to bother to text you?

She is the adult so assuming her Dad said thanks on the day in person I would not expect her parents to be texting or communicating with you directly.

At 18 it should be the girl (woman) herself thanking you.

Did your DD’s friend thank you?

If the friend is 18, she's an adult so it's not really between you and the mother.

If the other girl is 18 then surely she is the one who should be saying thank you, as opposed to her parents? She's an adult and she was the one who enjoyed the trip and hospitality. Presumably she said thank you when she stayed with you and when she was dropped to the airport? And then said thank you to the other family members she saw on the trip? I'm guessing she's said thank you a few times along the way? If it were me I would send a card to you and your DH but it might take me a week once I had been back if I was unpacking/getting back into the swing of life back home.

She’s an adult. I wouldn’t expect the mum to message me, but if I’d saw her or the dad at drop off it would’ve been nice to say thanks. The main thing is did the friend say thanks to your dd and you?

I would have expected a thank you from the friend when you picked them up, but not from the mother - the mother don’t go on the trip and it’s not like the friend is a child where you’re doing the mother a favour by providing childcare. When mine are adults I would trust they would do their own thanking, I certainly won’t be babying them my thanking for them!!

I promted the buying of a gift and a thank you card from my daughter in similar circumstances, my dd also thanked effusively in person. No acknowledgment is a bit rude imo.

Who were you expecting thanks from? The young woman or her mother? YANBU to expect a thank you from the young women, but a bit odd to expect it from her mother. Presumably she’s an adult (or very close to) if your daughter is 18.

Agree I wouldn't expect her parents to thank you. The girl who went along absolutely, mainly to dd who chose her to join on the visit and to anyone she actually saw who did something for her such as giving her a lift.

I'm unsure whether the activities in London were accompanied? If not they were part of dds present so it'd be odd for her contact her friends siblings to say thank you for a gift to her friend.

I hope your dd had a lovely trip and feels she took the right companion , that is the main thing.

If they're old enough to go on holiday alone then I think they're old enough to say thank you.
Did the girl not thank you when you dropped her home?

They're adults, so I'm surprised the mother was as involved as she was, tbh.

Your DD's friend should be the one to thank you, not her mother.

The friend actually took time out to go away with your DD so that she could have an amazing 18th. It should be you thanking the girl / or if younger than 18 the parent, for letting her go abroad for the celebration.

Think, if this was a party for a 5 year old, you would send thank-you - for coming to my party - notes. Now they’re older, you’d drop a WhatsApp message to the parent.

I think as she’s 18 it would be on the girl to thank you

Surely the girl thanked you at various points. If not, well yes, she's very rude.

At that age I wouldn't expect a thank you from parents. They're old enough to travel the thankyou should come from the friend.

No I wouldn't expect anything from the mum. Surely dd thank you or your daughter.

I’m another one who would have expected the 18 year old to thank you at the time, or to thank your DD if it wasn’t clear that it was from you.

I drove my DD and her friend to Edinburgh to see Harry Styles (we live 200 miles away). DD’s friend couldn’t have been more grateful as was her Mum. I had thank you texts from her Mum and she dropped me off a little plant to say thanks and took my DD out for tea.

It’s just manners.

Yes I'd have done more than that. They are bloody rude