Is this just fucking rude or am I being precious?

[clothespegg]

We live in Italy. Dd4 recently turned 18 and her present was a trip to London with a friend. I paid flights and spending money (for her), one of her sisters paid for a plush hotel for both of them, another organised ice skating, another took them out for meals etc… they were away 5 days and seemed to have had a great time.

I didn’t know the other girl, so we met up with her and her mother beforehand, organised flights and chatted. I gave her all my and my older dd’s details etc. Her dd slept here the night before they left, we took them both to the airport at dawn (they don’t have a car),and picked them up and dropped other girl off at hers when they got back (the other side of town). The mother was out when my DH dropped her off.

And nada. Silence. Not a single word back. Not a thank you or an acknowledgement. Nothing. Dad says everything was great and they both loved it. I’m not expecting flowers or champagne, but even a text would have been nice. AIBU?

Nope. Technically, I paid for dd’s flights and her sisters paid for and organised the accommodation , activities and meals. But realistically, I helped with this (especially the hotel) and meals.

the flights?

Of course it has 😂

Your OP implied you paid for everyone's flights and your other DD's paid for accommodation, food and activities.

Then it turns out your DD's friends parents actually paid out for her flights.

Then you say you actually helped pay for all the stuff you originally said your DD's paid for

By not thanking OP, maybe the parents are hoping their daughter won't be asked again?

Next time, they will not have the privilege of paying for their daughter to attend a birthday celebration.

This! You should have been thanking her.

Your daughter wanted her friend to come for her birthday and it cost the other family a lot of money and time - I hope you thanked them.

If OP had paid for absolutely everything, would that make a difference to you as far as thanking her was concerned?

If so, how horrible that everything has to weighed in the "what monies did it cost" scales.

At what figure should a thank you be expected: maybe a £1000 pounds, with anything less not worth opening mean, thin lips for. Is there a sliding scale that equals the amount of thanks to the amount of money spent?

If this is not the case, why do you keep bringing it up?

I would expect your DD’s friend to say thank you to your DD, and to you. (Or to pass on thanks via your DD). Not her parents though - she is too old for that.
I will message a parent on behalf of my DD, who is still at primary school, but DS is 14 and I expect him to do all the thank yous he needs to himself.

Doesn't sound like the OP paid for much of anything.
The daughter should have thanked the OP for the lifts too and from the airport, and thanked the sisters for the activities they did in London.

Agree.
Would be completely normal in my children's circles.
MN is always scrambling for the bottom of the barrel in matters such as these.

Basic manners would dictate that I would text to thank you for dropping my child home.

Of course it would make a difference 😂

If some paid for my daughter to go on holiday and covered all her costs, I would be immensely grateful.

But as it is, the friends' mother had to fork out money for flights and spends, just so OP's DD could go abroad for her 18th. It's a nice enough gesture from OP but it's hardly on the same scale, especially as she says her other daughters also paid a fair whack towards the costs.

It's not about the amount of money for me, it's about the overall picture.

Yes it’s rude.

Standard for me when dd has been hosted by friends parents etc is flowers & wine and a thank you card.

But manners do seem to be becoming a thing of the past unfortunately.

This is nuts. Someone should apparently be thanked for getting a 5 day trip to London for what say £200 plus spending money. But thanking someone for treating you to 5 nights in a London hotel, driving you to and from the airport, paying for meals and activities. Absolutely not, a text would be far too much effort and you should be grateful they deigned to accompany you.

Manners literally cost nothing and pay big dividends.

Did the girl thank you? If not, CANCEL THE CHEQUE.

Quite.

Exactly.

When we took a friend away on holiday when I was in my late teens, my parents covered all the costs. Inviting a 17yo away with you to celebrate and expecting them to pay towards said trip is actually pretty cheeky.

So as far as your DD's friend and her mother are concerned the mother paid for her flight and your DD's sister paid for the hotel. They can't possibly know that you helped her sister financially. They probably dont think they have anything particular to thank you for.

So rude ! I would be expecting as a minimum a thoughtful thank you card.

I agree with you OP - I think it’s extremely rude that neither the mother nor daughter has sent a thank you card or a text.

Something similar happened when I was a teenager, except that my family also paid for flights etc. My friend only needed spending money.

Let’s just say not all friendships make it out of the holiday.

That makes sense! You were doing something nice for both of them and you didn’t have to. So yes, I would expect a ‘thank-you’ from them and possibly their parent. However, if it had been to celebrate your DD’s birthday and the friend made the long-trip to celebrate with her, then you and your DD would thank the friend for coming.

I'm not sure what they are supposed to be thanking you for? You didn't put anything toward her trip at all - you paid for your own daughter's flight and her spends - nothing toward the friends.

I hope you’re not mentioning this to your DD as you’ll be undoing all the great memories your DD has of her 18th from all the effort you and her sisters put into giving her a terrific birthday.

You should be thanking the friend for coming, and helping to make DD’s birthday fabulous!

You’ve got your thinking around the wrong way!

Oh come on stop it. That was hardly a task.

the girl got picked up and dropped off and ferried around and all she paid for was flights. Of course the friend and her parents should have said thank you

Deleted as didn't have the quote in it