Is this just fucking rude or am I being precious?

[clothespegg]

We live in Italy. Dd4 recently turned 18 and her present was a trip to London with a friend. I paid flights and spending money (for her), one of her sisters paid for a plush hotel for both of them, another organised ice skating, another took them out for meals etc… they were away 5 days and seemed to have had a great time.

I didn’t know the other girl, so we met up with her and her mother beforehand, organised flights and chatted. I gave her all my and my older dd’s details etc. Her dd slept here the night before they left, we took them both to the airport at dawn (they don’t have a car),and picked them up and dropped other girl off at hers when they got back (the other side of town). The mother was out when my DH dropped her off.

And nada. Silence. Not a single word back. Not a thank you or an acknowledgement. Nothing. Dad says everything was great and they both loved it. I’m not expecting flowers or champagne, but even a text would have been nice. AIBU?

Wait, so the story has changed and you paid for the hotel, not the sisters?

Did you thank the other mum by the way?

I voted YANBU but then I remembered that I went on an overseas trip for my friend’s 18th paid for by her parents. I’m sure I said thank you to the friend and would definitely have said thank you to whoever took us to the airport/station (i have no recollection of how we got there!) but I don’t think my parents even got involved.
A different time I suppose!

Personally stopped asking my siblings to answer for their kids when they turned about 16. Not their responsibility whether other people text me back, say thank you, turn up to stuff. I'm not sure what I'll be like when my children are grown, probably will be the parent that says thank you tbh as I'm the kind to apologise and thank possibly too much... but wouldn't expect every parent of an adult to be the same.

Price for one person or two as a hotel room is the same though…..

Similar - paid for (now) ex DF's mid 20s daughter to come to Rome all expenses paid.

She neither thanked me nor bought so much as a coffee but she did try to make it as difficult as possible with unreasonable demands.

OK. But the thought and consideration that's gone into it is significant.

I would text/Whatsapp someone to thank them for giving my daughter a lift home, so the idea that I wouldn't acknowledge something like that seems breathtakingly rude, to be honest.

It costs nothing and takes under 30 seconds to acknowledge that. Who wouldn't think they owed the other mother at least that?

If I was the mum I would be thanking profusely, as would my child as well as giving a thank for presents. It's a fully paid for trip away! A thank you is free.

Did the OP send a text to the mother of the friend to thank her? Seemingly not.

After all, I assume that it was the girl's parents who had to pay for a flight to London for their daughter to join in your DD's birthday celebrations. The parents also likely had to contribute to spending money for their daughter.

In truth, it does not appear that the OP is aware of the etiquette in these situations.

Is the friend Italian? Could it be a cultural thing? I’ve heard it said before that the British insistence on saying please and thank you is considered OTT in other countries. It doesn’t mean they’re rude or ungrateful - they just don’t show gratitude the same way?

Really surprised so many people are saying they wouldn’t have said thank you. It’s not that it’s on behalf of the daughter, it’s that you are also grateful to another family for including your own daughter. At 18 it’s not like she’s a 40 year old.

Just because you don’t HAVE to doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. It’s nice to be nice…

But you didn’t pay for anything for her? Your other daughters paid for some things and her own parents paid for the rest. I would not expect particular thanks to be aimed at you.

Not everything is about money. I give up 😂

Yep I would have too.

It's really poor form. So poor in fact I'm half expecting an update where she says she's so very sorry but she was in hospital, stuck on a island or something ...

No, the mum had to pay for her child's flights and spending money in London. It was not a fully paid for trip away.

You are bursting the OP's bubble somewhat 😂😂😂

Someone who raises their children to do their own thanking?

If my mother had texted someone to thank them for giving me a lift home at 18 I would have been absolutely mortified.

It’s utterly charmless to say OP doesn’t deserve to be thanked because her other daughter kindly paid for the accommodation rather than her. Quite obviously it was a wonderful trip organised and facilitated by OP and her family.

It’s so depressing that people think the effort of a text is too much in this scenario. The friend had a five day trip to London for the price of a flight. What a lovely treat to enjoy for a friend’s birthday.

I paid for some of the meals, ditto activities and helped my older daughter pay for a swanky hotel. But it’s not about the money. It’s about manners. Or lack thereof

Except it wasn't a fully paid trip away.

And a friend to go with her with enough money to pay for flights. Or parents who can pay.

i am so confused about what you have or haven’t paid for and what exactly you want thanking for - a lift to the airport, having a daughter that paid for their hotel, thinking up the idea?

Your story has changed drastically since your OP.

Agree tbh.

The story is changing somewhat!

Did you thank the mother for paying so much towards your daughter's present?
And the daughter for keeping yours company?