To be shocked at DS's reaction to my suggestion he brings new GF to family party

[HellyTheEllyphant]

My DS is 28, he is a lovely man, very proud of him. He told us over the weekend that he has a new girlfriend, their first date was the start of October but they have only just labelled it. At the start of February we are hosting a party for DHs 60th, it will be a rare event where most of the family and extended family will be around. I suggested to DS he brings his new GF, she could meet his brother and all the wider family in a very casual environment where there would be very little attention on her, I thought this would be ideal, it is also close enough to home for DS and her that if they felt uncomfortable or overwhelmed it would be easy to leave early with no fuss. DS has had 2 long term relationships before this one and in both cases we met the girl within about 2-3 months of their first date, so I didn't anticipate him viewing it as too soon.
However DS got quite short with me saying no its far too soon and a weird environment to introduce her to, I apologised but he kept going saying its not up to me when we meet her, but I don't feel I suggested it was. He then said we can all go out for dinner and we can meet her then, maybe the next time his brother is down (so likely March/April). I said that would be lovely and I look forward to meeting her whenever he is ready.
Figured that would be the end of the conversation, but no he has messaged again saying he is annoyed I even suggested the family party. I can't help but feel he is over reacting, I know I wasn't pushy, all I said was "your dads party is on x date, the whole family is coming, feel free to bring your girlfriend if you like, just let me know for numbers".
He was also annoyed that his dad asked to see a picture of her before asking what she does etc. which while I appreciate was a shallow response from DH, I don't think it is that bad! And she is absolutely stunning so no reason DS wouldn't want to share (not that it would matter if she wasn't as long as he is happy).

AIBU to be shocked by the reaction and to wonder if there is something else going on?

OP you have done nothing wrong…

There could be loads of different reasons. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but he may feel a bit embarrassed/insecure about his family and he might be trying to impress her?

I love my Mum and Dad dearly but it took me over a year until I wanted to introduce them to my now Husband, I can’t even tell you why, it’s something we laugh about now 25 years later.

There are so many weird people on here, your Husband asking for a pic isn’t gross, weird or pervy as some people are trying to make out. He’s just showing an interest so ignore the hateful comments.

You may want to consider he has possibly told a few lies, exaggerated things about himself to impress her at the begging if ? And may not want to be caught out.

I wouldn’t stess, he will introduce her when he feels ready, enjoy your party.

Yes of course, it’s ok to ask for photos…

But if my Daughter told me she has a boyfriend, my first reaction wouldn’t be to ask for a photo, it would be is he nice to you, is he funny, what job does he do, is he local etc..then I would say do you have a photo!

I just think it’s shallow and a bit naff for it to be the first thing to ask when your child gets a bf/gf.

if my friend said she had a new bf, I’m right there with “do you have a pic’ though! 🤣

I'd ask to see a picture, it just gives you an idea of who someone is, a point of reference. All OP did was ask them to a party. A simple no is fine, why is the son bleating on about it. Crazy.

'AIBU to be shocked by the reaction and to wonder if there is something else going on?'

Yes. You're being unreasonable. No. You shouldn't be wondering if there's 'something else going on'.

Your son is 28. Let him live.

He'll let you know the timetable of this relationship. Back off.

I think he’s being over the top, and I would also have asked to see a picture of her, honestly don’t see what’s wrong with that. I met my exes whole family at his grandads wake though, so maybe my perception of what’s odd or not is off.

This man, who his mother describes him as “lovely” sounds as though he thinks his father maybe don’t have the purest intentions.

This….

I’m sorry, do you really not see how gross it comes across for a bloke to ask to see a picture BEFORE asking anything about her?

No. Why don’t you explain it to us ?

Not “us” actually.

loads of us do understand

My son, 28 years has a new girlfriend and I asked to see a photo prior to meeting her and he was fine about it. It was so I could picture her when he was talking about her!

No, loads of you are jumping to conclusions based on nothing more than the fact that he’s a man. Just because he’s asked to see a photo doesn’t make him a perv. What’s gross is the unconscious bias and smug judgement of someone who is unknown to anyone here.

His son, a man, who knows him, clearly “jumped” to the conclusion.

I believe it is called 'The Meghan Test'...

AAAAAAAAARGGGHHHHH

How many times?
He asked to see her photo before he asked what she did for a living. Not before he asked anything else about her.

It's quite bizarre that, rather than read the OP, so many posters are deciding for themselves what happened, in order that they can think less of a bloke.

So, to all of you saying it’s gross and he is a pervert etc regarding his dad asking innocently to see a pic.

please explain why you think so?

if the mum asked, no one would bat an eyelid…

what a sexist attitude to many of you, bet non of you have asked your daughter for a pic of there new boyfriend….

amazing how many have mentioned this but very few have given a reason…

what a sad world we live in when females can be judge and jury over asking a simple question but if the roles were reversed, they would see no issue!

Oh hush.

The fact is his OWN SON who knows his father thought it was dodgy.

@HellyTheEllyphant how do feel about a few posters confidently declaring that your DH is a dirty old pervert?

Again…. Roles reversed…. What would you think??

oh sorry, hang on, all men on here are horrible and nasty… I forgot…

the son sounds like he needs a head wobble.

but yes, a dad asking for a pic (showing interest) obvs means he is a perv/ paedo… gotcha!!

god forbid his mum asked the same question.. oh yeah, no one would have batted an eyelid…

Equality?? Of course as long as it suits on here

It’s about the individual

and this 28 year old man who knows his father….. doesn’t think his father’s intentions were as pure as the driven snow!

What a load of b0ll0xs

didnt answer my question though… roles reversed??

women can and are sexual predators too you know…! Just saying

no wonder the world is going to pot. Can a dad change a daughters nappy nowadays without people saying they are pervs…

Head. Wall. Bang.

In this scenario, this adult son clearly thinks this man (his father!) was being very off. Probably because he know his father and what he is like.

All men? No. This man, well his son seems to think so

no wonder the world is going to pot

oh calm down!

They've only been dating a few months so a whole family event seems a bit much so I am not surprised he isn't keen.

Have a day off will you….

the son that had a paddy cause his mum invited him and his new partner to a family doo?

you don’t know this, only what’s in your brain..

Jesus, it’s no wonder men are thought of as awful on here…