To be shocked at DS's reaction to my suggestion he brings new GF to family party

[HellyTheEllyphant]

My DS is 28, he is a lovely man, very proud of him. He told us over the weekend that he has a new girlfriend, their first date was the start of October but they have only just labelled it. At the start of February we are hosting a party for DHs 60th, it will be a rare event where most of the family and extended family will be around. I suggested to DS he brings his new GF, she could meet his brother and all the wider family in a very casual environment where there would be very little attention on her, I thought this would be ideal, it is also close enough to home for DS and her that if they felt uncomfortable or overwhelmed it would be easy to leave early with no fuss. DS has had 2 long term relationships before this one and in both cases we met the girl within about 2-3 months of their first date, so I didn't anticipate him viewing it as too soon.
However DS got quite short with me saying no its far too soon and a weird environment to introduce her to, I apologised but he kept going saying its not up to me when we meet her, but I don't feel I suggested it was. He then said we can all go out for dinner and we can meet her then, maybe the next time his brother is down (so likely March/April). I said that would be lovely and I look forward to meeting her whenever he is ready.
Figured that would be the end of the conversation, but no he has messaged again saying he is annoyed I even suggested the family party. I can't help but feel he is over reacting, I know I wasn't pushy, all I said was "your dads party is on x date, the whole family is coming, feel free to bring your girlfriend if you like, just let me know for numbers".
He was also annoyed that his dad asked to see a picture of her before asking what she does etc. which while I appreciate was a shallow response from DH, I don't think it is that bad! And she is absolutely stunning so no reason DS wouldn't want to share (not that it would matter if she wasn't as long as he is happy).

AIBU to be shocked by the reaction and to wonder if there is something else going on?

Calm down, you’re getting a bit scary

Oh no!!! Please don’t start a thread that men are scary on here…

anyway…. Back to the topic, hope you manage to get a resolve op 👍

And getting scarier

Genuinely, are you ok?
if this scares you, be warned the real world is worse 😊

Absolute moon howlers in here tonight.

Hard agree!

It’s not just tonight….. worrying some folks thoughts on here…! 😊

Stop it. OP simply said he was welcome to bring her. Why you think that means parading someone about is peculiar and says more about you than anyone else

I suggested to DS he brings his new GF, she could meet his brother and all the wider family in a very casual environment where there would be very little attention on her, I thought this would be ideal, it is also close enough to home for DS and her that if they felt uncomfortable or overwhelmed it would be easy to leave early with no fuss.

Did you say all this to him, or was this just thoughts in your head? If you said all of this, it’s a LOT and sounds very pushy. It sounds like you’d planned it all out for him. You go on to say I know I wasn't pushy, all I said was "your dads party is on x date, the whole family is coming, feel free to bring your girlfriend if you like, just let me know for numbers".
So I can’t work out if you said all of the stuff above, or kept it as simple as you say.

He does sound like he’s over reacting, but without an exact transcript of the conversation it’s hard for us to say if you were too pushy in the first place or not. I’m going to assume (sorry!) that you were, otherwise his reaction just doesn’t make sense.
Lessn learned for the future, it is absolutely up to him to decide when to introduce her to the family, not for you to start making suggestions. It’s nice you’re so keen to meet her and I’m sure when the time is right, you’ll make her very welcome.

Why do people want to know what people do for a living first?

I guess to know their social and / or financial status.

Also we don’t know it’s the first thing father asked. All we know is son didn’t like father asking to see photo before asking what she does for living.

Not necessarily. That’s one of the first things I ask too and I’m mum. It’s just curiosity.

Op didn’t say it was the first thing, all it says is father asked to see before asking about what she does for living.

But op knows her husband.

And why always the immediate assumption that it must be the mum who is being unreasonable? Why is it not that the child is the one has behaved in an odd and unreasonable manner?? Is this site not supposed to support parents??

No, happy to talk about it! Its a story I've told a good few times on here a good few times though, so I won't add an AMA, and don't want to drag OP's thread off topic too much, but feel free to send me a PM and I'm happy to answer whatever questions you have.

Oh no! Whatever will happen to these people in the minority who dared disagree with the majority??

Head for the hills minority - the majority is out to gitcha!
You won’t find a single day’s rest if the majority has their way.

Sounds like every story ever written throughout history. Ever.

Ok, thank you. If you have already explained on MN I will not take up more of your time. I will have a little search for your posts. Thank you.

This thread is giving me whiplash. First the thread where mom walked in on her adult son cheating on his gf of several years was no big deal and she should just say out of it and how cheating is totally fine when you're just living together. Now this. MN is very confusing place.

Just had a quick nose through past posts and can't find anything under this name change where I've told the whole story, but these two are fairly recent and actually relevant to the thread so I won't be derailing, so feel free to ask any questions on there and I'll answer as best I can. Its not taking up my time, it's a story that resulted in DD so its one I love telling!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5443084-to-not-understand-how-a-baby-can-be-a-suprise-unless-contraception-failed?reply=148485096

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5465494-yes-there-are-such-things-as-accidental-pregnancies?page=2&reply=149484216

I have to say, it sounds like a dreadful way of meeting your new boyfriend’s family - in a room, with literally all of them there. If that had been suggested to me I’d have run a mile!

Are you trolling here?

I said that the fact the son thinks his father’s intentions were off is very telling, given the son knows his father presumably very well - would indicate that the father probably my was being inappropriate. I said it depends on the individual.

and @dadtoateen jumped on it like an overexcited Labrador.

I suggest you bother to read the exchange @Redpaisley before speculating

Poor OP. Thread is now absolutely useless for advice and sensible thoughts.

Thank you VimesandhisCardboardBoots, those posts did answer my questions. I hoped that you were the baby's birth Dad and she was the best thing that could have happened to you. It sounds like she was a wonderful surprise. I hope she enjoyed her 18th birthday.