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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be shocked at DS's reaction to my suggestion he brings new GF to family party

317 replies

HellyTheEllyphant · 12/01/2026 14:20

My DS is 28, he is a lovely man, very proud of him. He told us over the weekend that he has a new girlfriend, their first date was the start of October but they have only just labelled it. At the start of February we are hosting a party for DHs 60th, it will be a rare event where most of the family and extended family will be around. I suggested to DS he brings his new GF, she could meet his brother and all the wider family in a very casual environment where there would be very little attention on her, I thought this would be ideal, it is also close enough to home for DS and her that if they felt uncomfortable or overwhelmed it would be easy to leave early with no fuss. DS has had 2 long term relationships before this one and in both cases we met the girl within about 2-3 months of their first date, so I didn't anticipate him viewing it as too soon.
However DS got quite short with me saying no its far too soon and a weird environment to introduce her to, I apologised but he kept going saying its not up to me when we meet her, but I don't feel I suggested it was. He then said we can all go out for dinner and we can meet her then, maybe the next time his brother is down (so likely March/April). I said that would be lovely and I look forward to meeting her whenever he is ready.
Figured that would be the end of the conversation, but no he has messaged again saying he is annoyed I even suggested the family party. I can't help but feel he is over reacting, I know I wasn't pushy, all I said was "your dads party is on x date, the whole family is coming, feel free to bring your girlfriend if you like, just let me know for numbers".
He was also annoyed that his dad asked to see a picture of her before asking what she does etc. which while I appreciate was a shallow response from DH, I don't think it is that bad! And she is absolutely stunning so no reason DS wouldn't want to share (not that it would matter if she wasn't as long as he is happy).

AIBU to be shocked by the reaction and to wonder if there is something else going on?

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 13/01/2026 18:12

He may also feel nervous as obviously last relationships didnt work out

Cyclebabble · 13/01/2026 18:21

I think your DS is right. It is not a good idea for any first meeting to be at a big party with lots of new people. your son's GF might find this terrifying. You could invite to lunch with just you and your DH perhaps. As for your DH just wanting a pic and nothing else, yes that is weird.

NewYearSameMe16 · 13/01/2026 18:34

Personally, I think a party where everyone’s doing their own thing and DS and his GF can casually move between conversations, discreetly nip off early, etc is way better than a sit down dinner where she’ll be centre of attention. My last partner met my whole family at a funeral and despite the circumstances, it was way better than an intimidating dinner at a restaurant!

If OP had been told about the GF and then didn’t mention her when talking about the party, DS might’ve been upset about that, so she can’t win. Also anyone suggesting something untoward in the dad asking to see a pic is weird. I like seeing pics of new partners so I can picture them when the person talks about them, not so I can perv over them 🙄

whistlesandbells · 13/01/2026 18:41

Seem your DS is quite upset to have messaged again. DH asking for a photograph is odd, sorry. Your son only told you at the weekend of her existence. Why ask for a photo so soon? Followed with an invite to a large party, lots of pressure, only a few weeks away.

Were his previous relationships when he was younger and in a different stage of his life? It’s not the same expectation for all partners that you’ll meet them so soon. Give more space.

Suggestion also was to go out for dinner - on neutral territory. Maybe that is a clue about the party being overwhelming too.

ScartlettSole · 13/01/2026 18:42

I met my now husbands family at an engagement party. I knew pretty much no one there, he knew everyone as it was family and we had a great time. We met the December this was the March.

As for the picture thing i dont get the "gross" comments 🙄 our son recently got a girlfriend and I asked to see a picture, im nosey 🤷🏼‍♀️ its nothing to do with "assessing attractiveness" and more taking an interest. But some people just look to take offence.

Your son has over reacted massively, next time he goes on tell him if hes so upset best he doesnt attend either. Honestly hes in his 20s he needs to grow up a bit!

ScartlettSole · 13/01/2026 18:43

NewYearSameMe16 · 13/01/2026 18:34

Personally, I think a party where everyone’s doing their own thing and DS and his GF can casually move between conversations, discreetly nip off early, etc is way better than a sit down dinner where she’ll be centre of attention. My last partner met my whole family at a funeral and despite the circumstances, it was way better than an intimidating dinner at a restaurant!

If OP had been told about the GF and then didn’t mention her when talking about the party, DS might’ve been upset about that, so she can’t win. Also anyone suggesting something untoward in the dad asking to see a pic is weird. I like seeing pics of new partners so I can picture them when the person talks about them, not so I can perv over them 🙄

Exactly this!

CaramelDream · 13/01/2026 18:51

He simply asked to see a picture of who his son was dating? Why is everyone making it so loaded? It’s really not that deep. Your son is overreacting.

SL129 · 13/01/2026 19:11

I met the majority of my partner’s family in one go at a party, would not recommend.

landlordhell · 13/01/2026 19:38

ZenNudist · 12/01/2026 14:24

Back off. Invitation offered. Nice thing to do. Up to him if he wants to invite her.

She did that. He kept going on and on and texting. I think op there is something he is embarrassed about. Maybe his family?

400rider · 13/01/2026 19:38

My brother has never introduced his girlfriends at my parents or to me at family gatherings, if we even got to meet them at all!
We’ve always been introduced on his or her grounds and one, stayed friends with my parents when they both moved on into new relationships only lived further down the road from my parents.

He’s told me he’s just got back with an old girlfriend who left him for someone else. I’ll probably not meet her socially any time soon.

I met all my husband’s brothers and sisters as an impromptu family dinner. He intended for me to meet his parents for afternoon tea but his baby sister (14) phoned her sister, who called the others and they all dropped in.
Fortunately my In Laws were easy people to feel relaxed with and my mother in law liked me immediately (so she told me later).

I would leave your son to decide when the time is right, if at all.

Sharptonguedwoman · 13/01/2026 19:40

SmittenApple · 12/01/2026 14:48

You are in the minority!

Show quote history

I’m finding the reactions to this question truly weird tbh. If my DC had a new partner, I might ask to see a phot and the party thing was a casual invitation .

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 13/01/2026 19:46

It is an overreaction by your DS. Fair enough to turn down the invitation, but not to get annoyed about it and keep on at you for asking. You asked, reasonably, he said no, reasonably - that should be the end of it.

I bet if the situation had been that you hadn't invited her and your DS was pissed off because she was excluded, people would be saying YWBU to exclude her,

WearyAuldWumman · 13/01/2026 19:46

StiffAsAVicar · 12/01/2026 14:48

I’m quite surprised at people saying “ewwww” or “gross” at the father asking to see a picture??? I always ask to see a photo if someone I know is dating someone new. So you can put a face to the name??? Jeeze lighten up!

That's what I thought. I didn't see anything sinister in it. "Checking out attractiveness" didn't occur to me at all.

Lairymary · 13/01/2026 19:47

"she could meet his brother and all the wider family in a very casual environment where there would be very little attention on her, I thought this would be ideal"

Pffft! Hard disagree. More likely all eyes on her. The WHOLE family!

WearyAuldWumman · 13/01/2026 19:48

FWIW, when I got married, my DH's adult son was his Best Man. DH's adult daughter wanted a plus one for her new boyfriend; the son didn't want a plus one for his newish girlfriend. So far as I'm aware, there were no arguments.

WearyAuldWumman · 13/01/2026 19:51

Lairymary · 13/01/2026 19:47

"she could meet his brother and all the wider family in a very casual environment where there would be very little attention on her, I thought this would be ideal"

Pffft! Hard disagree. More likely all eyes on her. The WHOLE family!

That's not what happened when my husband's daughter had her new BF as her plus one at our wedding. I guess that it varies from family to family.

There were a few introductions, but that was all. Maybe a birthday party's a different situation. I certainly cannot understand why the OP's son was upset about the invitation, however.

rainbowunicorn22 · 13/01/2026 20:02

i cant think of a worse time to meet family than at a party where the world and his wife are going to be. if it did not work out everytime you see a family member you would have the Spanish Inquisition over what happened to the girl.

WorkItUpYourBangle · 13/01/2026 20:03

In my opinion, it's because although they're going out, it's not as serious as he wants it to be yet. He wants her a lot but she's more casual about him and he knows if he said his mum had invited her to a family party 4 months in she'd run for the hills. For some people 4 months is basically 5 minutes.

Dillydollydingdong · 13/01/2026 20:06

Ok so apparently you were wrong to include her in the invitation. What would he have said if you'd said "don't bring the new gf. It's much too early to introduce her to the family". He would have taken offence to that as well.

dadtoateen · 13/01/2026 20:13

CaramelDream · 13/01/2026 18:51

He simply asked to see a picture of who his son was dating? Why is everyone making it so loaded? It’s really not that deep. Your son is overreacting.

Because this is mumsnet where every male is a sexual deviant apparently……. 🤣

FarmGirl78 · 13/01/2026 20:35

How on earth is meeting the whole entire family for the first time, all at once, "casual" with very little attention on her. She'll have the entire family wanting to be introduced. I think most people would find this very intimidating too.

dadtoateen · 13/01/2026 20:44

FarmGirl78 · 13/01/2026 20:35

How on earth is meeting the whole entire family for the first time, all at once, "casual" with very little attention on her. She'll have the entire family wanting to be introduced. I think most people would find this very intimidating too.

It would scare the bejesus out of me!! 🤪

Alliod40 · 13/01/2026 20:44

Omg what is wrong with you all..nothing wrong with husband asking to see her ffs id have done the same..bloody hell you're all nuts on here,you nake out you're all saints and married to saints..OP your son us being very arrogant for absolutely no god damn reason..you apologised for suggesting the family party and that's it should be the end of it why is he still going on and on about it ? God almighty he's going to be a nightmare when he goes on to have kids id say ..

Bleachedjeans · 13/01/2026 20:50

I’m sure you meant well. From your POV you were being nice but your son might think it’s too pushy and controlling. Just let it go and leave it up to your son when you meet his girlfriend.

landlordhell · 13/01/2026 21:14

DD 25 came home and told us she had a bf and we all said let’s have a look. Totally standard.