To insist on moving DH and the DC to New York?

[TheCoralBear]

Me, DH and our DC (11 year old DS and 14 year old DD) were all born in the UK and live in London. I’ve performed in musical theatre (and I work as an usher in a theatre when I’m not performing) my whole life and it’s all I’ve ever known. Usually I perform in west end musicals here in the UK however I’ve now been offered a role on Broadway which would obviously involve moving to New York. I want to accept the role and move us all to New York but DH and the DC are dead set against it and won’t even consider it. I really don’t want to turn down the Broadway role as it’s an excellent opportunity for my career. DH are the DC are refusing to even consider moving though. DH has even suggested I go to New York alone and he stays here with the children but I’m not going to just abandon my children like that so that’s why I’ve suggested we all move to New York but DH and DC keep insisting that they don’t want to go. Would I be unreasonable to insist that we are all going to New York and that’s the end of it? DH says he doesn’t care if it’s an excellent opportunity for my career but he is not considering moving to New York, he is dead set against it.

That’s my issue. If he said before I auditioned that he didn’t want to move then I would have understood and I wouldn’t have gone through the audition process. But instead he kept saying that he was excited about it and that he wanted to move and now that I’ve been offered the role he has suddenly changed his mind and is dead set against it.

Yeah, try that one at passport control. Or indeed security at Gatwick.

You can’t just make that decision for everyone - you’re not the boss! What will you do? Drag them?

If they don’t want to then that’s that. You stay in UK or go alone.

the kids will have their friends and education and what about your husbands job and friends/family?

I do think it’s quite selfish.

It was unfair of your DH to say he'd consider it whilst you were auditioning, then completely backtrack once you'd won a part, but...

If it were another country, I would be more likely to say that you should all grab the opportunity. But (a) I think you're mad to consider moving to the US now; (b) even if the show runs for 18months, that's really not long enough to disrupt schooling at this age (US education is very different to the UK).

Yeah, all famous West end stars are ushers when "resting".

This
You are being extremely thoughtless OP, probably not intentionally.
Your children are all the worst age to make this move.
Please reflect

Maybe it’s all suddenly a bit real and all the crazy stuff in America has made him realise it’s not sensible. You can get caught up in the drama and excitement.

That's very generous!
I was going for -6.

How long ago was the audition? Was it before Trump got in, or before he went a bit mad starting wars and shooting innocent people on the streets? Perhaps his perspective of the US has changed somewhat. Or maybe the reality of moving has hit him. How old are dc? How will it affect their schooling?
Edit to add I've just reread the OP and seen ages. I wouldn't be moving a 14 yr old tbh.

Lots to consider here

*Green cards for everyone
*Adequate medical insurance to cover everyone
*Housing-New year is notoriously expensive and the housing market brutal for rent vs space
*Safety;gun crime is a real worry
*Schooling-the public schools are said to be not great plus you’ll be moving the kids to an entirely different system that we use here in the UK.
*Affordability
*Lack of a support system

I can see your DH’s position here unfortunately

Congrats on the job offer, how thrilling.

However you'd abandon your children by forcing them to go to NY. Go alone if you can but don’t force 3 other people into miserable lives to chase your dream. It wouldn’t make you happy to have them all miserable.

its a tough situation, wishing you the best with it

He should have been honest at the start, but moving your whole family to the States for a very unstable career is bonkers.

This has to be reverse? It’s madness to consider disrupting your 11 & 14’s education (year 7 & 10??) for something as insecure as a broadway role. I’m not even sure the pay would be enough for you to relocate? And that’s before we talk about the treatment of immigrants under Trump! Absolutely you should go, it’s once in a lifetime opportunity for you - but you’d be ‘abandoning’ your responsibilities to your family by dragging them out there with you.

Can you afford to go and visit here monthly?

I wouldn't go with you either. It'd be terrifying for both your kids but Imagine trying to navigate a New York Secondary school at 14!! And your DH who will "likely" get a job but just as "likely" not get one and be forced to live off your wage in a very expensive city. All so you can have a jolly time on the stage.
Leave your family safely at home & go yourself. Its not abandoning if they don't want to go.

You can’t really “insist” that they go. Your husband is an adult who is quite able to say that he doesn’t want to go, and can stay in the UK if he wants. Whilst the children are minors and could be forced to go even if they don’t want to, it would be much harder to force them if your husband isn’t going.

I think it’s a really bad idea, not because it’s the USA as this would be my opinion of any international move. I had parents who moved us all around the world when I was a child to further their own careers, and didn’t care about the impact on us from moving to different places. But even they had the sense to see that a child aged 14 needs to be settled into one educational system so that they can get some secondary school qualifications.

I have to say, I don’t really understand your comments about “abandoning” your children if they stayed in the UK with your DH. Do you not understand that forcing them to go against their will would be far more damaging for your relationship with them?

You couldn't pay me millions to move to the USA while that fascist is President, and I'd certainly never bring my children there.

Your kids are at crucial education ages. Your husband is settled and in work. You cannot just uproot them to go somewhere like New York, it’s just not possible.

Speaking of old threads… penis beaker, that was before my time, I just googled as my search function isn’t great, would 2013 sound about right?

Course he’s had a change of mind. Anyone with any sense watching America in horror from afar would change their mind.

The US is somewhere I wouldn’t go anywhere near at the moment. If I lived there I’d be getting out (and am pondering my options if Reform get in here).

How long is the contract? Do you get holiday time?
when my kids were 4 and 6 my DH had the opportunity to work out if the US. It wouldn’t have been worth us all moving as he’d be travelling three out of four weeks, with some of that time to here. He sadly died suddenly before this could be realised but we had agreed he’d go I’d stay, travelling out there during holidays.
I don’t see it as ‘abandoning’ your kids. It’s a temporary contract, which people do all the time. As long as he is ok with being sole carer for the kids then do it.

We don't know exactly how his thinking went, but it is possible he thought 'Yay, NY, brilliant!' without seriously considering all the disadvantages to himself and the children until it became a serious proposition.

What sort of salary are you being offered? Can you afford to uproot and move your whole lives?

No, of course you can't insist anyone moves to another country.

Are you expecting him to sell your house for this temporary move? Or are you renting?

What are you going to do with all your furniture and personal possessions? Sell them? Ship them?

I really hope this isn't true but if it is why on earth would you even consider this with an 11 and 14 year old for something that will only be 18 months maximum and maybe cancelled after 1/2 months (it happens!)

You are either mad or utterly selfish.

The children need stability and their peers and routine. Get a grip.