To insist on moving DH and the DC to New York?

[TheCoralBear]

Me, DH and our DC (11 year old DS and 14 year old DD) were all born in the UK and live in London. I’ve performed in musical theatre (and I work as an usher in a theatre when I’m not performing) my whole life and it’s all I’ve ever known. Usually I perform in west end musicals here in the UK however I’ve now been offered a role on Broadway which would obviously involve moving to New York. I want to accept the role and move us all to New York but DH and the DC are dead set against it and won’t even consider it. I really don’t want to turn down the Broadway role as it’s an excellent opportunity for my career. DH are the DC are refusing to even consider moving though. DH has even suggested I go to New York alone and he stays here with the children but I’m not going to just abandon my children like that so that’s why I’ve suggested we all move to New York but DH and DC keep insisting that they don’t want to go. Would I be unreasonable to insist that we are all going to New York and that’s the end of it? DH says he doesn’t care if it’s an excellent opportunity for my career but he is not considering moving to New York, he is dead set against it.

You can't force your husband to move to the US! Why would what you want to do trump everyone else in the family? And talking of Trump.....

There's no way this is financially viable IMO.

Oh and bore off troll hunters.
If you think the thread is fake then report it.

I think that's a horrible age for kids to move. Primary school ok, university education when they're starting to be interested in other cultures and countries - ok. But a 14 year old girl being loved to a different country, away from all her friends, where she will have a different culture, accent, education etc might not find it very easy to fit in

When did the audition process start because yes I can see why you could have a change of heart!

Not only that but the ease of getting them all over isn’t as easy now either and you can’t move a 14 year old and an 11 year old

Sadly I think the decision needs to be made as to how you doing it and then visiting will work as that is the right decision for the family. Movjng is only right for you

Also OP what visa would you be on? If it’s P your dependent spouse cannot work.

Mate if I was your husband I'd divorce you before I'd move to New York so you could chase some silly pipe dream. America is an absolute shit hole at the moment, you're being unimaginably selfish and frankly a bit ridiculous.

I’m not sure how ‘insisting’ is going to work.

And your DC don’t want to and neither should they be made too

No way would I even visit far less move to the US whilst that fucking imbecile is the president

YABU

What is the pay offer? What visa status would you have? Have you researched COL in New York? Even in outer boroughs it's eye watering.

That is a possibility to be fair, I’m not going to deny that. I personally think it’s unlikely but I can’t deny that it’s a possibility.

America is really really expensive, unless it’s the lead role and your husband has a really good job over there then it wouldn’t be worth it.

More crucially, does your contract come with health insurance for you, your spouse, and your DC?

This sort of opportunity is great when your DC are small but much more difficult when they're teenagers. You can't start messing about with their education once they hit Y10. Go out alone initially and see how it goes.

A couple of posters have called it a "pipe dream" - it clearly isn't a pipe dream since the OP has the opportunity to do it!

Has this got anything to do with Lily Allen?

Have you looked at the schools in NYC. Unless you are minted your kids will go to school in a ghetto. Go and do your thing but leave your poor kids out of it.

If he had no intention of moving he should have said so before OP auditioned.

But he absolutely can’t be forced to move.

Struggling to believe you are for real, OP. Unbelievably selfish. Unbelievably.

Your kids aren’t tiny, you’re not abandoning them if you go without them. They should be able to understand this. Plenty of men work away from home. But don’t force them to go if they don’t want to. The logistics of getting you all there would barely be worth it for 18 months anyway. And you would be pulling your eldest out of school and missing her GCSEs. Just no!

Your DH is being perfectly reasonable. He isn't stopping you going, he is encouraging you. He is protecting your DC and their stability at important ages.

I don't understand why you are insisting they all go too. The whole ' I won't leave my family" is fine, so don't go then. That part is your decision.

Of course you can't insist. You're not the boss. They've told you they don't want to go. Either none of you go or you go on your own.

If you did it for 6 months, could you then leave? You'd still have had the experience and wouldn't have been away from children for as long.

Yes.

Now you've been offered the role it's real.

You can't force them to move.

Either move on your own, or turn down the role.

I wouldn't rip my whole life up by quitting my job, pulling my children out of school and moving to another country away from my social network and family for an 18 month contract. If my spouse tried to force me to do that, I would seriously consider divorcing them.

I’ve moved a lot including with kids but I wouldn’t do this - your 14 year old must be starting or about to start her GCSEs and then what do you do 18 months later? Come back? As she won’t be taken into a school during y11. There has to be something in it for everyone if you are going to get buy in and there’s very little in this for the 14 year old and DH. I would stay in the West End - this is also a great career