To insist on moving DH and the DC to New York?

[TheCoralBear]

Me, DH and our DC (11 year old DS and 14 year old DD) were all born in the UK and live in London. I’ve performed in musical theatre (and I work as an usher in a theatre when I’m not performing) my whole life and it’s all I’ve ever known. Usually I perform in west end musicals here in the UK however I’ve now been offered a role on Broadway which would obviously involve moving to New York. I want to accept the role and move us all to New York but DH and the DC are dead set against it and won’t even consider it. I really don’t want to turn down the Broadway role as it’s an excellent opportunity for my career. DH are the DC are refusing to even consider moving though. DH has even suggested I go to New York alone and he stays here with the children but I’m not going to just abandon my children like that so that’s why I’ve suggested we all move to New York but DH and DC keep insisting that they don’t want to go. Would I be unreasonable to insist that we are all going to New York and that’s the end of it? DH says he doesn’t care if it’s an excellent opportunity for my career but he is not considering moving to New York, he is dead set against it.

I would be very interested in this. Where in NYC would you live? The contract must be a fantastic salary.

Now TV work I’d believe the contract might be enough to facilitate the move - especially as proximity to Broadway wouldn’t need to be a major commuting concern.

But even if the OP has been offered a major role and is well known enough to negotiate a significant contract there’s no way that theatre work would pay enough for what she wants to do.

I expect she was thinking her DH would be able to get full time work too but even without his potential issues over drugs and alcohol getting a work permit is a horribly long and difficult process for most people at the best of times.

If OP was young free and single and happy to bunk up in a flatshare for 18 months this would be an amazing opportunity.

If the op was a performer in a big tour eg Eras tour with Taylor Swift, she could be on the road for months. Same with any touring production but you couldn't take your family. I can't see the point in uprooting them

Oh ye I highly doubt she can afford to sustain her family on one salary

the former drink and drug addict who gave up his parental rights to two small children of course!

FYI OP with a history like that he’ll never get a US visa in a million years

No, drink and drugs issues would not result in removal of PR unless they were serious enough for the children to be adopted, and that’s clearly not the case. It’s all poppycock.

I wouldn't take my loved ones anywhere near the US at the moment.
Unless you're a crazy reform voter. Then you'll applaud the shitstorm that is happening there.

I'm becoming convinced this is all bull shit.

'course it is. Absolutely nothing OP says makes any logical sense.

What is not clear here is the nature of the opportunity. If this is a lead role in an established show or with a major producer, then clearly this could be a career defining opportunity. But Broadway is a district and not a guarantee of anything. I know successful actors who do not uproot their families for a new job. Perhaps if OP would provide a better description of the opportunity, she would get better advice and guidance. Unless the job is very well paid, sufficient to cover education and childcare costs, she cannot take! He children without her DH. I can't see how she could settle kids in a new city and education system around rehearsal;s and performances. Better to go alone and get established, (or not!). Use that time to find suitable accommodation and schools, understand the practical and financial realities of life; n NY. Then make informed decisions untainted by excitement

No, not unheard of but rare except regarding adoptions and is to protect the children. Once removed, for the father’s danger to the children, it isn’t a shoo in to get it reinstated and father would have to show why the removal of PR is no longer needed and that he can provide a secure and stable environment. That would include if the OP wasn't around.

OP hasn’t said when PR was removed but father would have to provide proof of changing his life around for a significant time for it to be reinstated.

Could he be worried that he might relapse does he still attend AA etc

Yup, some interesting points raised though 🙂

I don't blame your husband or child. America is the last place on earth I'd move to right now.

I assume that the kids have already faced problems and upheavals. If the OP is for real, then it would probably have been better not to audition. If this is for real, then I feel sorry for the kids.

To a certain extent you ca tell your DC what to do but you can’t tell your husband what to do! It’s a partnership. You both have to give and take. Is there a way you can commute between London and New York?

New york is a hellhole.
And they even let people eat hotdogs during broadway plays. It's saying something when IM the classiest person in the joint at the shows.

I wouldn't do it as an actor either I don't think it's a step up from london.

Also with the current political climate you'd have to be mad. There was an air of...fear..no trepidation...something deeply disturbing during my week there. An undercurrent of 'something bad is coming'. I was releaved to leave.

PR can be removed if the parent is deemed to be a risk to the child(ren). Drink and drugs might come into it but it would be a very severe case and is more likely to include violence to the other parent or child(ren)

😂😏

It’s a weirdly specific thing to make up.

But if it’s true it is odd. I’ve never heard of anyone being stripped of their parental responsibilities for drink or drugs. How many women are on here tearing their hair out that the courts won’t even limit their dead beat exe’s access?

plus she says he’d given up his rights, not that he’d had them removed. I’m wondering if she was with another partner previously who wanted to adopt the children and father agreed. Then that relationship fell through and OP and father got back together?

Anyway. Whatever the reason it puts the scuppers on his US visa I’m sure.

I am finding this thread fascinating.
The unicorn job offer
The lack of all practical planning of any kind for all aspects of relocation to the US.
The OP not acknowledging any points of the disruption in education for her DC in critical years of secondary education.
The parental responsibility being taken away from the father and they are still together (WTAF!) and how rare this is.

It is a soap opera not a Broadway show.
If this is for real @TheCoralBear take the job and go alone. Get your DH his PR back (of he is ok now)

This is the problem with imaginary DHs. Zero conversation skills.

Or trying out a book plot?

I think there could be material here to write a musical. Someone getting a part in a show on Broadway, their family doesn't want to go. Could be some really good songs for every one. Parents and in-laws could have roles as well. Some really angst type solos in there