MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

@Elliee0810 I think even if a talking to (and a few slaps!!) from your parents to you sister end with her relenting and agreeing with your baby being in a room of the hotel for the night, you should still resign from MOH duties.
You're not going to be able to be "on call" for your sister throughout the day - and in fairness that is part of the MOH's job - and that will just lead to resentment and recriminations from her and the perfect excuse for her to accuse you of "ruining" HER day!!

That's awful behaviour. I'm so sorry for the rest of you, but you're doing the right thing. There's no way you will want to be away from baby for more than a couple of hours max. And if you're breastfeeding well who knows!
I can't believe how blinkered some brides behave.

One day if she's lucky enough to have her own child she'll realise how awful she's been x

Nah mate.

Being available for a day without your newborn just isn't something anyone can promise.

You could do your best to be there for a good part of the day with baby, or try to pop over for a bit without.

Don't put this selfish bitch before your innocent little baby who at that age will desperately need his mum....either she has you with your baby or not at all.Don't let her control you just because she is your sister.

Tell her you can only go to the cerimony then and you can’t participate anymore . Sorry but if you are that close she wouldn’t be doing that to you !

Firstly, congratulations! Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.

I have a three month old and no way would I be contemplating leaving him 20+ minutes away now, let alone when he was 4-6 weeks. Your baby literally thinks they are a part of you at that age, it is likely to be stressful for both you and baby. To be honest, it’s quite a cruel request from your sister.

It’s also worth considering that your baby is likely to be cluster feeding at that age, which could mean anywhere between 30 mins and 2 hours between feeds.

Your partner has the right idea, I’d give your apologies now.

Your sister sounds selfish, vain, shallow and not nice. Imagine being jealous of a new born baby. I wouldn’t go if my child wasn’t welcome. I’d also not speak to her again. Vile behaviour

What a shame. No wonder your parents are upset. I would be outraged if one of my daughters did this - a wedding is meant to be a family celebration (plus friends of course) and to effectively ban one close member of the family is a dreadful thing to do. Although in general I am not in favour of financial gifts that come with strings attached, I have to say that if I (as a parent) was contributing a substantial amount to the cost of the wedding I would be flexing the power. Apologise and back down or pay for it yourself. Your parents are presumably excited for you and for welcoming their grandchild. I wonder if this is the nub of your sister's objection? Maybe she feels she isn't the apple of her parents' eye and that on this one occasion they should be focusing on her and not the new grandchild. Whatever, she's still in the wrong and if she doesn't back down and apologise it will be a great shame and ultimately ruin the wedding.

Also, if she does back down so you are able to attend I echo other posters advising against being MOH - much easier to keep popping out to be with your baby and not have added stress of being the MOH. Plus you don't know how your body will be post birth so it's better you can keep your options open dress wise.

Congratulations on the baby and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Please tell your sister from me, that she is a dickhead.

Sorry DSis, I cannot be away from a newborn that long, happy to exclude him from the ceremony but im not having in down the road at another hotel.

Either he can be upstairs with MIL or we can be both home.

I love you very much but hes too little for me to do anything else

(I wouldnt even be thinking about the taxi costs. Youre being incredibly understanding anyway. Your sister is a total bitch btw for possibly resenting you. Hes her nephew FFS! And congratulations to you and DH)

Congratulations 🎊 hope all goes well.
Your poor mum bring in the middle. Your sister, words fail me. What a ***!!! You've both made the right decision. 😊

“I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP?”

I put YABU for the sole reason that you are contemplating any of this. Your sister is being absolutely unreasonable. You and your partner should both pull out.

I am all for a child-free wedding but this level of control is wild! You will have a new baby who needs you. Your hormones will be more over the place than they probably feel like they are now. You have no idea if you will have any complications. You have no idea if you will need a section. Are you planning on BF? Because that’s another factor in itself - will you be managing okay? Will baby take a bottle if they are BF?

Pull out of MOH duties now. You are not in a position to fulfil these. You don’t need more of the sh*t from her to contend with on the day.
Tell her you will attend as a guest only and that your baby will be upstairs in the hotel (only if you feel comfortable doing this!). Tell her all of this is non-negotiable. Or simply don’t go.

In case you need to hear it… it is absolutely okay to put the needs of you and your baby first here. It is always okay to do that!

Is your sister planning on having children one day? Not that intending to be childfree excuses such incredible selfishness… expecting you to leave a newborn is insane. Plus in all honesty you are not going to feel like squeezing yourself (and your giant padded arse and leaking boobs) into a bridesmaid’s dress at 4 weeks post partum.
How has she reacted to you not going? Anyone is entitled to a baby free wedding but must the be gracious when proof can’t go.

I’d tell her to stick her wedding up her arse. She’s nowhere near mature enough to be getting married.

Op you have done to right thing, look after you and baby, sod the bloody wedding,

I remember it took me all day to get out of my pjs, never mind a shower or brushing my teeth 😂 I use to leave the house to go to the local shop 1/2 hour before h arrived home, wouldn't have had it any other way ,

How sad that your sister has treated you so badly. You’ve definitely made the right decision not to go. I feel very sorry for your parents, they must feel totally stuck in the middle. I hope that one day your sister will realise what an absolute dick she is.

I say this kindly, but is she unhinged?

No it won’t be ok to leave your newborn for 1-2 days, bonding in early weeks and months is essential for a healthy happy and secure baby. Pull out of the wedding now. And for what it’s worth, your sister sounds like a very nasty person.

Good for you for not going, good for your husband for putting his family (you and baby) first. You do not need this stress from your bridezilla sister. She will regret this. And you would have regretted leaving your newborn alone. BF or FF, it doesn't even matter, baby needs you and you need baby.
She is honestly being ridiculous and I bet she doesn't have kids?
Do not stress about it, enjoy your pregnancy and your new little family. X

I'm upset for you, at being put in this position. I was too, when my BF firstborn was 4 months old. He stayed elsewhere with my mum, and didn't take a bottle. Bride and groom said no children, even babes in arms. Not negotiable. I was doing the reading. I had to drive 30 mins to him, while he screamed the place down and my mum was frantic. It was the most stressful and upsetting experience, and then I ended up having to take him to the hotel and asking someone to let us borrow their room. In my exhausted state I even managed to fall over carrying him in his car seat in my stupid high heels but luckily noone was harmed. I've never forgiven myself for agreeing to such nonsense and letting my baby and my mum suffer.

Your sister is being incredibly selfish. I never understand weddings where children aren’t welcome.

She is being a massive cunt.