MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Wow. Yr sister is really something! Enjoy your new baby OP. She will see the error of her ways one day x

Your sister is a horrible spoilt person and her fiancé as surely he'd be pulling the plug on the wedding if he knew about this. Her little longed for nephew stealing her thunder nasty nasty woman

Don’t go. It will be like torture for you.

This is the most heartless thing I’ve ever read.

No, I don’t think you will be ok to leave a 4 week old baby for 1-2 days while freshly postpartum

Imagine being that desperate for attention you are threatened by a baby who’s locked away upstairs.

Good luck with your baby OP @Elliee0810
please come back and let us know when they are born .
Take care x

I’m honestly astounded that anyone can be so selfish & hurtful. Glad you’ve decided not to go as your baby will be so little. Totally understand why you’re so hurt - so mean of her to tarnish this time in your pregnancy.

I do also feel for your poor parents stuck in the middle of this, when it should be such a happy & exciting time for them with their new grandchild & a wedding.

This is the only baby excluded from wedding post where I have ever agreed with the OP. Normally it is absolutely fine to exclude 100% of all children, babes in arms, any kids at all - it's their wedding and that's that.

BUT if you are really really want someone be part of the wedding party and you know they have a baby then of COURSE you must make an exception.

The rule is this - it is absolutely fine to ask someone to come to your wedding without their children and it is absolutely fine for them to say no thanks.

That's all there is. No drama, no fuss.

It's too soon anyway after a baby, to hell with all of it, just decline now and enjoy your pregnancy and new baby

Your sister is a dick! If her niece or nephew isn’t welcome then if I was you I wouldn’t be going either!

what an insane thing for your sister to suggest! What are your parents saying about it? Surely they can talk some sense in her.

Some people are saying it unrealistic to even have the baby upstairs. I don’t agree, I did something similar myself when my baby was about 8 weeks. It wasn’t an event as formal as a wedding but it worked great. I of course had to run up and down between the party and the room to breastfeed and put baby down for naps etc but it was a great way to enjoy a bit of adult time and still haven’t baby there.

@Elliee0810

Sorry I meant to congratulate you on your pregnancy in my earlier post but the red mist really came over me when I read your post.

So Congratulations @Elliee0810 on your pregnancy, enjoy all the stages even when the little one is kicking you when you are desperate for sleep!

Please do not spoil the first few months bonding as a family of 3 trying to accommodate your selfish sister.

This is your miracle baby and trust me when I say when he arrives into this world you & your husband will be completely besotted with him!!!!

Stay in your baby bubble and enjoy all the cuddles and just looking at him 😍

I am just sorry your sister is behaving in this manner and ruining your pregnancy. Pls ignore her & just focus on you & the baby.

I guarantee when she is expecting she will want it to be all about her & her baby. Almost like nobody has ever given birth like she has or had a baby like hers……..I think all of us have met someone like her. I don’t think even then she will consider what she said to you as being remotely unreasonable. After all it was her big day…..🤦🏼‍♀️

Pls do let us know when little man arrives.

Have a fabulous pregnancy x

Your sister must be so insecure if she feels that a tiny baby, who would not actually be seen by any of the wedding party could upstage her, Jesus wept

This

I remember when DH and I were getting married, some very close friends had a baby of a similar age to this and we bent over backwards to ensure mum and baby were made to feel as welcome and comfortable as possible. Because we knew that the alternative might be they didn’t come at all and that thought was intolerable. To think that your own sister won’t even allow the baby to be locked upstairs, and is happy to forego your presence at the wedding to enforce this!

In your shoes I don’t think my relationship with my sister would ever be able to recover from this.

I cannot believe what I have read. Your sister is wildly unreasonable and you and your husband need put yourself (a new mother) and your new born baby first.

Well done. You've made the right decision, you and your baby have to come first.

No, just no. There is no reason the OP should continue to have any relationship with her so-called 'sister'. Not ever again. Please don't scold her to 'be kind' to someone who treated her so badly and even admitted she resents OP's baby. Just stop. No one could blame OP for going NC permanently after this, and I genuinely hope for her and her child's sake that she does.

Wow! I can understand being worried about the baby crying during the marriage ceremony itself but not allowing it to be looked after nearby so you can feed it when needed is crazy!! Unfortunately you and your husband will have to decline the wedding as a result!

This! ⬆️ Your sister is being a cow!

As others will have certainly said you may not be able to be away from your baby.

i tell you now- even as a man speaking here-you won’t want to be.

tell her in the circumstances it’s either baby on site or not you’re not going to be there.

I don’t believe your sister can’t get this either

I'm sorry you're going through this. Your sis is definitely in the wrong, your accommodation is clearly reasonable. If she doesn't want a baby even on the premises then it sounds like she doesn't really want you on the premises either. After all it might be noticeable to others that you've just had a baby and god forbid your relatives are going to ask you about it because that is what people do.
Just withdraw.

Absolutely not. How selfish of your sister - she clearly lives in cloud cuckoo land.
As things stand you will be unable to attend - you will not be able to leave a 4-6wk old and it wouldn’t be fair to expect your MIL to manage either. Give your sister your apologies that you will be unable to make it sooner rather than later, I feel she will quickly change her mind over the whole thing!!!

Baffled that anyone can feel threatened by an innocent tiny human who is scared and new and just wants to be near their mum and dad.

The MIL upstairs set up is such a good idea and her turning that down shows how selfish she is and how she has 0 care for you or the fact she will become an auntie. You and your husband should just say no as she's being unreasonable when you weren't trying to suggest baby is downstairs at the wedding.

Whether you took babe or not you'd be disappearing all day/night to relieve your boobs /stop leakages anyway then you'd be dumping precious milk! It makes no difference to her. Also you'll still probably be heavily bleeding and recovering from birth!!!

Just give her an ultimatum if she wants you there. She sounds very selfish!

When she has her own children she will realise how ridiculous she is being! She sounds very immature and jealous.
How lovely to have a baby nephew at your wedding!

Your sister sounds genuinely horrible.
Well done for standing up for yourself and not going to her precious wedding. How sad that it came to that though. The mind boggles!

To be honest I think even making the baby stay hidden upstairs seems a bit cruel/unnecessary. If you are breastfeeding you will likely spend a lot of time upstairs with the baby and not at the wedding anyway. You'll still be establishing breastfeeding at 4-6 weeks, breastfed babies can feed very frequently (every three hours if you are lucky, but likely more frequently than that) and will probably need breast pads so you don't leak through your dress. It would be significantly easier if you could just have the baby with you at the wedding.

I hope she comes to her senses, but to be honest even if she does, will you ever see her in the same light again? Is she particularly young perhaps? Or just selfish?

Congratulations on your baby! You must be thrilled given what you have been through. I hope this nonsense with your sister isn't causing you too much unnecessary stress.

Any adult must be seriously insecure if they’re worried about a tiny baby ‘stealing their limelight’. I can’t believe she’d take such umbrage with your baby being upstairs in the hotel all day either.

You obviously need to make it clear that at 4-6 weeks postpartum, you can’t be away from your baby all day and so she either accepts them staying in the room with MIL so you can check regularly / feed to be honest if you’re breastfeeding… Or you can’t go.