To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

He is an utter cunt .

He blamed you because you didn’t feed him dinner or breakfast? So he didn’t eat anything then? Selfish prick.

I cannot believe you are even considering having a child with this sorry specimen. He sounds an utter cunt. I hope you can get free and clear of him.

How is she being dramatic?

FWIW I also think the 'only seven weeks' bit is daft ... tons of people feel shit in the first trimester and fly through the later ones; it's not like pregnancy is a game with levels that gets progressively harder up to 40 weeks.

If he was my son I would be mortified that he was such a selfish and self absorbed prick. Do not do this with him, you will likely be back in a years time asking how to leave him. Why is he expecting you to cook for him? Sorry, I’m struggling to get my head around this.

This is an ethical failure on his part.

Plus, you both see relationship responsibilities differently. He has some social conditioning that that makes him feel that he is entitled to be some little lazy Lord of the Manor in the house, while you run domestic goddess rings around him.

Honestly, I think you know that he didn't really want the baby, and he's really struggled to come to grips with the pregnancy.

It seems he's still confused, and is now acting out.

Unfortunately, this kind of confusion coupled with the deep societal conditioning around men's roles and women's roles is a really tough one to unpick. I don't get the feeling that he's actually got the emotional bandwidth to grow up in the way you need him to show up.

Obviously you're going to need to have a serious chat with him.

But, I had a lazy partner once. Weaponised incompetence. Complete victim mentality. Brutally unfair domestic situation. I tried. Hell, I adored the guy. I really tried. It did not get better.

Life is utter bliss without that chaos in my life. I'd rather be single any day than put up with a lazy, entitled partner. It's 10x more stressful being with a lazy person than going solo.

Good luck, OP. You've got a lot to think about.

Jesus Christ OP - I can’t even understand what you ever saw in this prick. Does he have a cock made of gold?
You’re pregnant, he’s not; he’s barely working yet you work FT, yet he doesn’t cook and expects you to cook for both of you, then he eats all your pregnancy-craving cake.
I honestly think that nothing good can come of this. Once the baby is here you’ll be doing EVERYTHING, for all 3 of you, plus work.
What a scummy man-child. Good luck with everything OP.

Probably hard to read for OP, but nicely summed up.

Honestly I wouldn’t be procreating with him. He doesn’t sound like someone you want to be lumbered with if things turn nasty

It's good he's shown you who he is properly. LTB!

LTB

I read this out to my OH and his reply was "run for the hills".

He is showing you who he is, and he won't suddenly get better after the baby is born. You'll be even more exhausted and trying to raise 2 children. Selfish prick.

I hate to suggest thinking about termination, but he sounds downright nasty and will surely - at best - use any child as a weapon where he can to torment you. Think carefully on whether you want that for the next 18 years.

@Rosealea

do you think OP should just put up and shut up?

Parenting solo is hard but it’ll be easier than looking after a baby and a manchild. He clearly is selfish, and blaming it all on you.

He's selfish and immature. I wouldn't expect him to be much of a father, unfortunately.

Leave him. He’ll only get worse.

You deserve so much better!

Dear god, OP, it doesn't sound like you've picked a good one. Dump him and move out now, before the baby is born.

What a nasty man. This is not about chocolate cake. Please think about your future and put yourself first. This person will always be a selfish arsehole, he's showing you exactly who he is and will only get much worse. I would really consider this pregnancy too, you could have a much better life with someone else with no ties to him

It won't get better trust me..from someone who has a 2 year old with someone the same. It get worse when the baby arrives

Yeah. This isn't about cake. The cake was just the final straw. The issue is that he is displaying a lack of care, effort or respect. He is using weaponised incompetence and repeatedly demonstrated his expectation that you will carry all the emotional and physical labour in the relationship. This will only get 100x worse when the baby is actually here. Babies and children are hard work and test the strongest of relationships. They will destroy an already weak one. You don't need to be looking after 2 children. I would bow out now and make sure I have somewhere safe and supportive to have my child now rather than scrambling or feeling trapped after when it's all got too much and he's still expecting it.

You don’t need him and his rubbish.he should be making you breakfast/dinner.he will only get worse.

He’s not come round to the idea of having a baby at all.

He’s forcing you into leaving him so that he doesn’t have to be the bad guy leaving his newly pregnant girlfriend.

Yup he did that out of spite to punish you. It’s not going to get better.

Can you kick him out? I mean who owns the house/is on the tenancy? Because it's not going to get any better, and will in fact get much worse.