To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

Greedy and selfish.

But what’s worse is that he gaslighted you (‘hormones’) and made it your fault (didn’t cook for him).

Look up DARVO.

Now that he thinks you are inextricably his his behaviour has changed.

It won’t get better. They don’t change.

He’s a twat and a manchild. Do it want one child or two as that’s what you’ve got here. Throw him back immediately

Agree with all the above. If the guy can’t even make a dinner or fold the washing what help is he going to be with a baby .. nada

Exactly!

It sounds silly to break up over cake but as others posters have said, it’s not about cake, it’s his attitude.

If your living situation allows, it might be worth thinking about how you could go it alone. Because you will be anyway even if that tub of useless lard is still there.

It will never get better. He doesn’t like you

Am so sorry, he needs to seriously change his ways. He is no man to share a child with, he's a child himself. He's letting you down over and over.

Reconsider your choices and your relationship you will always be the only involved parent and will eventually leave any way as a shell of yourself this man is horrid

Forget the cake.

You are having a child with this lazy creature who has no respect for you

The cake is the least of your worries. He has already checked out of the jobs which need doing by both parents. You need to address that with him or you will be the default parent / cleaner/ cook etc.

Wow. It may only be cake but it’s such a selfish and greedy thing to do. Almost like he did it to spite you?

Sorry this happened. A life with two babies awaits you and only one of them will develop into a well rounded human being. Look to your future.

How he’s being now is the best it’s ever going to be again.

I’m not going to tell you to think very carefully about whether or not to proceed with this pregnancy, but if every woman was given a list of 500 prospective fathers to choose to have a baby with, he’d be in the bottom 20, every single time. If you continue with this arrangement (and I call it an arrangement because it’s not a relationship) then you will be caring for two children, not one.

Does he have disordered eating generally? I only ask this because my partner is very hands on, great Father, tidies all the time, but just cannot get it together to feed people. If left to his own devices he would wait until he was starving, then have something really unhealthy, four hours after dinner time. So he has problems feeding himself let alone his family. It has really been a problem when I had pregnancy sickness and just needed someone to feed me, and again post partum. He isn't lazy but has a gap in his brain with food. I think it's made worse that most men are raised to be selfish and lazy about food. Only you know if he is like this or if he is just a lazy twat.

With the clothes, once the baby is here it won't matter how they are folded. Just leave it all to him and don't correct.

Cake aside, you need to rapidly think now about what you want to do and what situation you are going to be trapped in. You say he is your partner, not DH. I would definitely be considering if I wanted to continue in a relationship at all with this man.

You are not unreasonable or ‘hormonal’. He is showing you who he is. Act on it while you can.

Take heed of this very wise post OP x

I have lived this life. Leave him. It will only get worse.

He’s a selfish greedy pig he be to replace that cake ASAP.

"he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning" wtf

I think the cake is just symbolic of what a selfish and lazy person he is being.

What an absolute ARSEHOLE. Do not have a baby with this man. Get out now. He won’t even cook himself a meal when you’re not feeling well? And he ate the cake because you didn’t make breakfast or dinner?!

Are his hands broken or something?!

How did he feed and clothe himself before you lived together?

I would tell him that he can do his own chores and cooking as you are too tired to do more than you own

and then I would be planning how to get away because if he can’t even be arsed to put a bit of effort in now it is only going to get worse

And i’d be wondering if he did eat all the cake or if he just got rid to punish you

He thinks you’re now trapped (given the baby) so he is no longer bothering to camouflage his true character.

Sorry that you are now in this situation. Another woman with a dud as the father of her child.

I wouldn't be choosing to make this lazy POS anyone's father.

He sounds like an incompetent disappointment.

And it’s not simply the cake. The episode is simply one of 100s of examples of your partner showing you how selfish he is.