To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

Really selfish of him, he could have apologised and offered to get you something else.
In my first pregnancy everything made me feel sick. My dh spent ages making a meal I thought I would enjoy only for it to make me really unwell. Without hesitation he made me something else, he didn’t argue, didn’t moan just did it without me asking.

He could be pitching in more right now, I hate cooking but it has to be done. Surely he could be stepping up a bit more!

I would have a termination and walk away from the relationship. Of course you are entitled to do whatever you want to but I never want to coparent with a loser like this ever again.

He’ll only continue to make your life a misery and it’ll get worse when baby arrives. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone with such little regard for my feelings and wellbeing. Selfish, greedy arsehole.

What are you on about? How will she be fine with a baby and a pathetic specimen who can't even make some toast or heat up a pizza if she isn't there?

This is not a man to have a child with. You will spend your life in drudgery because you will be doing it all, including looking after him! This will be the biggest mistake of your life.

If you want to have the baby then have it alone. But get away from him and set yourself up in your own home because that baby is born so that you will never have to do his stuff for him.

He needs to move out.

The cake thing is selfish, greedy and spiteful. Him punishing you for not cooking for him is a whole other thing.

Trust me OP - you will do far better as a single parent than you will saddling yourself with this massive wanker. I PROMISE you.

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning.

He thought he'd punish you for not seeing to his needs by eating the one food that he knew you'd craved because you are pregnant.

Sorry, but I'm another vote for end it now while you can.

Imagine leaving this man eventually and sending your child to him for his visitation all the time, imagine sending your child on holiday overseas with him, imagine dealing with him forever. You still can get out of this op. Best of luck, he’s a waste of space and will be only worse.

You didn’t cook dinner or make breakfast so he punished you by eating the cake.

It was MALICIOUS and DELIBERATE

Thats a form of abuse

Take your unborn baby and run.

So would I.

You're only 7 weeks. It seems very early for all of this drama from both of you. You both need to sort yourselves out.

Please tell me you dont make his breakfast! 20 plus years with my dh and I only do his breakfast if im making something for myself and he happens to walk in the kitchen . Or on his birthday/when he is sick.
He sounds so lazy. Start just making your own meals. Do you own washing and so on. It will only get worse when your child arrives .

Well, let’s be fair, my teenage boy would not have eaten a whole slice of cake I bought myself and he also sorts out food for himself if I am sick and can’t cook (I am a single parent). So it’s worse than teenage boy behaviour.

But I agree with the DARVO. This is a man who does not look after his pregnant partner but sounds like he is actively punishing her for being pregnant and not being able to be his servant and blaming her. It will get worse when OP has a newborn taking up her time. Absolutely leave this man.

It’s not the OP’s fault here.

You won't be leaving over a chocolate cake. You will be leaving as he is an abuser.

Why do I think, no I’m sure, you will be on here when baby is around 10 weeks old asking how you can get rid of ‘D’ P. If he’s like that now, what a shock you are in for. Start preparing now for life as a single parent.

He sounds awful and will only get worse. When you’re on Maternity leave he’ll claim “you’re not working” and won’t lift a finger. He’s not pulling his weight now, is pushing boundaries and will continue to do so. He’ll gaslight you even more and you won’t know whether you’re coming or going, and he’ll make it sound like he’s doing you a favour by being around.

For your own sanity and you and your child’s future PLEASE listen to what those of us who’ve “been there and done that” are saying and leave. He’s adding nothing good to your life and if he can’t do that now, he won’t do it ever.

OP has gone it seems.

What do you think he will be like when you have a newborn and have been up all night? Run now whilst you can.

He’s a twat, dump him please

Was it Bruce though @AreliabfMite ? If so was it good? I’ve tried to get a slice loads of times but never managed it.

You’re not leaving him over a cake, you’re leaving him because he’s a selfish man child. YANBU.

Your life will be shit if you stay with this man baby. Fgs leave.

@3luckystars

??

She may have stopped responding but I do hope she's still reading and taking it in.

In a nutshell, he doesn't give a shit about you.