To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

I know right! So greed and gluttony can be added to his list of his negative attributes. Ick ick ick what a turn off
bin him off OP

Exactly.

says he is looking forward to parenthood yet does nothing to help his pregnant partner:
he’s only working around 20 hours a week
Cooking is all left to her
Employs weaponised incompetence

It's not going to get better. My guess is he suddenly realises he's not going to be the centre of attention and this is his way of protesting.

It's not something I'd tolerate.

If he’s this useless domestically before the kid arrives, he’s very unlikely to step up and do housework or childcare once he’s a father. Most likely he will continue to leave everything to you. Once the child is here you will have even less time as you will be working, childcare and doing all the housework and child- related work. You could give him a chance to step up. Work up a rota for sharing tasks both now and after the baby is born. Tell him he needs to step up and pull his weight in the family. If he doesn’t stick to it, you’re probably better off leaving him.

I suspect he doesnt actually want this baby but also doesnt want to be the man that leaves his pregnant girlfriend so the plan is to make you leave him- he gets all the sympathy then doesnt he.

@ScholesPanda has it. This is revenge for you not being his slave and cooking his meals

Useless twat.
Sorry, OP Brace yourself because life is about to get harder x

If it’s a Bruce then he’s a greedy bastard. We had one for DD’s birthday and there was a decent slice each for 5 of us.
Apart from that, he’s a lazy, thoughtless, selfish arsehole. Does he have any redeeming features?

so many half decent men turn into incompetent partners once a baby arrives. He has started already

trust that he’s showing you a taste of the future. A glimpse into the crystal ball

take note!

Gosh I wrote a similar post about 5 years ago - milestone birthday, DH was a SAHD, he had given me a gift without much thought but my colleagues bought me an expensive chocolate cake they surprised me with. We ate half and I took the rest home. The next day after a difficult day at work I was really looking forward to coming home to slice… to find that DH had eaten it all. I was so upset. And to be fair DH realised he had been a dick and made it up to me.

But back to your post, agree with others, the cake is annoying, but the rest of your post is even more concerning.

I don't like the sound of this manchild

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning.

Rule #1 of misogyny: Women are responsible for what men do (or don't do).

He ate it to punish you, seriously take time to consider your future with this man.

It's not the cake that's the real problem it's the attitude and which is unlikely to change. OP's partner is being an idle shit.

Agreed. Especially since he's only getting started..

I would sadly terminate and leave this man. He will only get worse and will ruin your life!

Why did he have to eat all of it? That's what I'd be asking. He must've known it was yours and shouldn't've touched it. But to eat all of it because you hadn't cooked, WTAF. He's a thoughtless arsehole.

It’s good practice for when the baby comes, you will be fine.

It's not the cake, is it? The weaponized incompetence should be pushing you to jump ship. It's manipulative and shows a complete disregard for you. To ramp it up once you're pregnant is particularly vile. Men who abuse women afoten wait until she's pregnant before they start to do so. And your partner appears to be following this path.

You probably are hormonal, it would be surprising if you weren't given that you're pregnant. But that isn't what's making his actions appear intolerable.

You are making a huge mistake going ahead with a pregnancy with suchba loser.
Sadly you will 100% regret it and it will mean you are going to have to have dealings with this waster for the next 20 years.

He will only get a lot worse.
He doesn't love you or even care about you.
Get out of this while you can.

I don't need to take into account anything else that you have written apart from
HE ATE YOUR CHOCOLATE CAKE.
What the actual fuck.
Either he changes very very quickly or you need to get rid I'm afraid

He doesn’t give a shit, and he will only get worse once the baby arrives. It’ll be all “oh he won’t settle for me, he wants his mum” as a means of getting out of doing anything for his own child. If you continue with the relationship and/or the pregnancy don’t say you didn’t realise what he was like.

He's not going to get better. That's what you need to consider when you are deciding what to do next.

He is a cunt. LTB. This isn't just about cake.

He not only ate something clearly your special treat but he blamed you for his hunger

Get out now...