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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

665 replies

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

OP posts:
FairKoala · 12/01/2026 16:10

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning

If you never cooked for him again, would he ever eat again?

LostInTheDream · 12/01/2026 16:17

I'm sorry to say that I don't think he's keen on the idea of having a baby. Maybe it's the surprise, maybe he'd always be selfish, but he is not a man I'd rely on for a partnership. He's a man child.

I know that isn't nice to hear given your current position, but I think he will get worse when you rightfully prioritise the well being of a small baby/child and you will be left doing it all.

I think I know the cake slices you're on about and I hope he felt really sick after eating your cake. I hope you'll be calling him Bruce from now on

Dpresst · 12/01/2026 16:24

You will end up with two children if you stay with him. One man-sized. Chuck him in the bin.

SevenYellowHammers · 12/01/2026 16:31

I don’t know but weaponised incompetence is a genius phrase

redbex11 · 12/01/2026 16:34

I voted YANBU because this screams of hum feeling trapped by the baby and him taking it out on you. He must have survived as a functioning adult before you moved in/while you were dating and quite frankly reading between the lines this feels like some exist rubbish where he has gone "I have got the woman now it's her job". You hit the nail on the head with weaponised incompetence.
You need to think things through.....someone who has no empathy for you and how you are feeling in what is a vulnerable state whilst pregnant is likely to be god awful when you are in labour and not someone you can rely on.
Someone who is so selfish as to not understand or try and understand how you feel and eat the only thing you wanted is not someone you want modelling behaviour for your child.
You need to a cohesive team and be on the same page to be parents, and this sounds like everything will be on you and nothing on him.
Not every relationship is perfect. They all have give and take but seeing you so tired and not wanting to do everything for you that he can is areseholery in the finest.
I am sorry to say but this needs nipping in the bud immediately otherwise it would seem like you could be making a rod for your own back down the line in that you will be doing 95% of everything and resenting it all.
Hugs lovely.

Hatty123 · 12/01/2026 16:37

He can’t even make his own Breakfast??? My 7 year old can pour some cereal in a bowl and put milk on it. He sounds horrendous. Get Out!

MrsWallers · 12/01/2026 16:42

So "normal" men when you are pregnant with their child become protective and look after you like you are fragile china as they LOVE you
Also "normal' men can cook food and fold washing

Little example: Pregnant with DS2 very sick from early on DH rings me, I am crying as so nauseous, sick, unwell He drives home at lunchtime (40 minutes) gives toddler lunch changes his nappy puts him in his cot for nap while I'm in bed Goes back to work

Another example: Very overdue with DS2 loosing my mind as am so big its a struggle to bend down, DH takes a day off work to be helpful kind supportive caring etc

Luckyingame · 12/01/2026 16:48

Whyherewego · 11/01/2026 19:31

Sorry but I agree with this. You have to feed him or he eats your treats? I'm sorry but wtaf

Show quote history

Some unruly dog.....

Soontobesingles · 12/01/2026 16:50

My DH is shit at cooking but when I was so ill with morning sickness I could barely move for the first 4 months of pregnancy he did all the cooking and housework.

Trust me that resentment gets A LOT worse when you have a child and the inequities in labour division become very stark. I’d get him to up his game now or you aren’t going to last through the intensity of newborn/baby/toddler stage.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 12/01/2026 16:53

ThatBlackCat · 12/01/2026 00:52

The OP only posted it after 5pm yesterday! Only around 7 hours ago! Give her bloody chance! It's after midnight now, ffs.

Show quote history

Errrrm

Yeah ok lol

Tedster08 · 12/01/2026 16:58

It sounds like you know his behaviour is a major red flag. This man child sounds selfish and inconsiderate- neither are traits I’d be looking for in a partner or co parent.

SweetHydrangea · 12/01/2026 17:02

I emphasis with you! My husband can be like this with some things (mainly sweet). For my birthday last year my best friend bought me a massive bag of kinder chocolates, pretty much every type of kinder chocolate you can get. I’m not a huge chocolate fan and don’t eat a lot of it, but I do love kinder so it was lovely gift. I said to my husband it would take me 6 months to get through it all and offered him some. Anyway about a week later I really fancied some chocolates went looking for it and couldn’t find it anywhere. He’d eaten the whole lot! Took my gesture of offering him some that evening to mean he could eat the whole fucking lot. Honestly there was such a huge amount. I’m not sure if I was more horrified he’s eaten my birthday present or the fact he’d actually consumed that much chocolate in a week. Needless to say, I went crazy (I was also pregnant) and he now doesn’t touch my food.

I would be absolutely furious OP! Pregnancy cravings are no joke and it’s just fucking rude. I know the cake you are talking about and if he didn’t buy it, why he would even think to eat the whole thing and not leave you any is a complete piss take. What a pig!! I know I’ve just moaned about my DH, but he kept the ship afloat while I was pregnant, he cooked all the meals despite not knowing how, he just got on with it and taught himself. Yours needs to sort himself out quick!!

canuckup · 12/01/2026 17:03

500 answers in and zero response from the OP????

Beeinalily · 12/01/2026 17:09

Sometimes it's just - well - a thing, isn't it? Mine was when I carefully chose a beautiful and romantic gift for my husband on our anniversary and he bought me a toilet seat. Which turned out to be broken. And from Woolworths (which he told me so that I could return it.). So obviously long ago, but the hurt still lingers (and yes he's my ex, although not just because of that). You deserve so much better OP.

ICanSpellConfusionWithaK · 12/01/2026 17:11

He won’t be any better when there’s a baby to look after. Get rid of this waste of space.

KrimboBell · 12/01/2026 17:18

I think I’d be reconsidering the pregnancy.
He is not going to get any better and you will have to look after him and the baby.
if you do decide to keep the baby it will be a lot easier without him in your life.

Cherrytree86 · 12/01/2026 17:19

SweetHydrangea · 12/01/2026 17:02

I emphasis with you! My husband can be like this with some things (mainly sweet). For my birthday last year my best friend bought me a massive bag of kinder chocolates, pretty much every type of kinder chocolate you can get. I’m not a huge chocolate fan and don’t eat a lot of it, but I do love kinder so it was lovely gift. I said to my husband it would take me 6 months to get through it all and offered him some. Anyway about a week later I really fancied some chocolates went looking for it and couldn’t find it anywhere. He’d eaten the whole lot! Took my gesture of offering him some that evening to mean he could eat the whole fucking lot. Honestly there was such a huge amount. I’m not sure if I was more horrified he’s eaten my birthday present or the fact he’d actually consumed that much chocolate in a week. Needless to say, I went crazy (I was also pregnant) and he now doesn’t touch my food.

I would be absolutely furious OP! Pregnancy cravings are no joke and it’s just fucking rude. I know the cake you are talking about and if he didn’t buy it, why he would even think to eat the whole thing and not leave you any is a complete piss take. What a pig!! I know I’ve just moaned about my DH, but he kept the ship afloat while I was pregnant, he cooked all the meals despite not knowing how, he just got on with it and taught himself. Yours needs to sort himself out quick!!

Urgh this greedy gluttonous men.

proper give me the ick

Tudorfan · 12/01/2026 17:26

This behaviour will only escalate during pregnancy, from someone who has been through this. I would seriously prioritise an environment which is loving and supportive for your pregnancy and beyond. This man will not provide it.

Grammarnut · 12/01/2026 17:29

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

Why can't he fry and egg or pour out cereal into a bowl and put milk on it. Why didn't he cook himself some dinner. This man is a waste of space and you would be better off without him. You may need to decide whether to continue with the pregnancy, too. Sorry.

roadrunnerbeepbeep · 12/01/2026 17:30

You are hormonal but he's being an inconsiderate dick.

Fortunefavoursthebrave · 12/01/2026 17:36

Leave him, he’s showing his true colours which will only be magnified once the baby is here. Sorry if that’s blunt but it will only get worse

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 12/01/2026 17:53

Sadly you’ve ended up pregnant with the wrong person. It will get far worse, cut your losses now. Do you really want a baby with this nasty man. Honestly that’s a hell of a lot of red flags. I would have gone mental about the cake. Him using weaponised incompetence, not taking care of his pregnant wife is a selfish uncaring in a very bad way, letting you work that many hours whilst working half those hours and still he won’t cook, and the attitude, complaining at this stage is diabolical. LTB. Unless you’re at that certain age and able to be stable on your own financially I’d be considering whether to continue with the pregnancy quite honestly. Take notice of what we’re all saying. That is seriously very bad.

Ellebelle01 · 12/01/2026 17:54

LTB. He sounds like an absolute selfish a-hole that is going to get worse.

OldScribbler · 12/01/2026 17:58

At the very least a serious frank discussion is essential. Marriage has enough potential pitfalls without getting clear, frank agreement right from the start

Wholetthatgoatin · 12/01/2026 18:06

If he’s like this now it will definitely be worse when the baby comes. I know LTB isn’t that easy but could you try setting some agreed lines in the sand. Why are so many men fucking arseholes?