To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

There’s a lot wrong here. You’re only 7 weeks and tbh, it’s a long slog! You need someone who will support you not only through pregnancy but through raising children and beyond. For me the tiredness during pregnancy was rough but the tiredness with a new born was unbearable. I am grateful for having a partner that helped me all through that time - it was never “I’m working, you get up with the baby” and always “what can I do to make life easier”. I honestly do not know how mums cope when they don’t have a partner who takes on 50% of everything!

The other issue is it doesn’t sound like he wants this baby. Or at least it wasn’t planned. It’s a big change to go from childfree to a life of responsibility in what I imagine is less than three weeks. Maybe he needs a wake up call about what life will really be like from now on?

The cake is the least of your worries!

Sorry but he will be 100x worse after baby is born (everyone is, so if you're already starting on a low....) i would reconsider if you want to keep the baby - for the baby's wellbeing too, not just yours.

So did you lot realise he was a prick before getting pregnant? Surely this behaviour hasn’t appeared from nowhere?! It’s really sad and pathetic and he sounds like a selfish arsehole… how will he cope with a baby?!

How did he manage to eat before you got together?

I will be one in a million other voices telling you to get out now so please choose the wise option unless you want two babies to look after!

Earth.

We are what we eat; squashy, gooey and soft is not manly

You described your relationship as "fine".. not exactly a glowing review! Echoing others, leave him and consider your options re continuing the pregnancy as co-parenting with this selfish arse sounds like it would be hell and it is very early days in the pregnancy.

So sorry if suggesting that is massively upsetting for you/conflicts with your views on abortion, I don't know anything about you which may affect your decision, such as your age, your previous relationship history or history of pregnancy/miscarriage.

The chocolate cake is a very understandable final straw IMO, there's just no excuse for being so selfish. But prior to that him refusing to cook when you feel sick and he is essentially part-time at the moment is ridiculous. If your boyfriend can't step up now you can assume he wouldn't do it when the baby arrived either if you continued with the pregnancy. Then you'd have a baby and a man child to care for.

Selfish man child
This is why I won't live with a man again
If you have the child expect to be the dogsbody forever, cooking all your food and the babyfood.

I could probably get over the fact he ate the cake (I’d be wanting him to replace it) but the fact he is blaming you for not making his tea/ breakfast is disgusting. What is he going to do when DC arrives if he can’t even make a meal? YANBU.

I just want to start by saying its not over chocolate cake is it...you are trivialising your valid response to a catalogue of selfish behaviours and this was just the icing on the cake (couldn't resist, sorry).
You know he is not fit to be a partner let alone a father so you really need to leave him to get some perspective and then make a considered decision on whether to have the baby.
If you feel your options are limited there are organisations that can help you as well as speaking to your workplace for some emergency leave so you can make arrangements.
He is a weak and pathetic individual and you deserve better.

@CharlieRight

lol so what do you think men should be eating?

What sort of things do the men in your life eat? Rocks?

Why do people always fall for the obvious rage baiters

I'm sure you're aware but it's not 'the cake'. The cake just amplified the situation you're in and now fully recognising. He is incompetent and it will absolutely only get worse from here. You have 2 choices really. Leave him and make a new life for yourself, you and the baby, or stay but forever regret and resent him for his lack of maturity. If he isn't helping you now, do you expect him to suddenly grow a pair and be there for you and the baby?? I'm so sorry this is where you're at right now! It sounds totally crap. Sending strength ❤️

Him eating it all would give me a bit of 'ick' but saying that it's because YOU haven't cooked dinner or breakfast is the most selfish thing I've heard on here for a while. He definitely will get worse - sorry OP. Please take care of yourself now otherwise you'll be in the same position in 5 year's time! x

Sorry to be brutal but even if you have this baby and leave this pig of a man he will be in your life forever. I would never condone recommending a termination but please consider your future. Giving birth is traumatic, you and your body do not recover instantly. Raising a child is bloody hard work and then when you return to work from maternity then the real juggle hits, and unless you have a 50:50 partner in your life your entire life, finances, career and personal time will be impacted FOREVER. Even so far as your pension savings mean you could be working later in life. As soon as you start compromising everything changes. Being a parent is hard, tiring, expensive and emotionally exhausting. Beyond anything you can imagine. You need a partner who will make as many compromises as you and do as much for you and the child as possible.
If you decide to have the baby you will be doing it solo. Think carefully.

I'm sorry OP but he is telling you in every way he isn't ready to be a dad.
It's not too late to get out and don't it alone or not do it at all. It doesn't get better if you put up with it.
At the very least you need to get some boundaries in place quick smart, cos if he won't do it now, he won't do it when the baby is born. X

So let me get this straight - you were out. You brought cake. He ate it because you didn’t make him dinner, nor breakfast?! What an a**! Leave. Now. This person will never help you with the child anyway.

Normally I would say it’s hormonal and normal to want to murder your partner during pregnancy, however… just throw the whole man away. You don’t need to be mothering a man-baby as well as a newborn. He sounds utterly self centred - this isn’t love. No one who genuinely loves, cares and respects for you treats you that way. Good luck in your new life without him.

Yes exactly, the cake was just the final straw

This man is a first grade cunt.
Get out for your sake.

Well it’s pretty clear which direction this is going. He’s showing you who he is and who he will be going forward. It’s up to you whether you want to stay with him and put up with this or not. He won’t change just so you know, people very rarely do. He’ll continue to expect you to pick up the slack in the house, parent your child almost solely and also work when you return. Just the way it will be.

It's not about the cake. It's about his total and utter contempt for you.

He's going to be a crap parent, I'd move to where your parents life now before you are trapped somewhere with a baby and a lazy dick for a partner.

I do the cooking. I'm better at it, I enjoy it.

When I was pregnant I was sick for the first 22 weeks. I couldn't handle the majority of food and even the smells made me vomit. DH took over all of it. Often cooking two totally different meals because I couldn't stomach much and he needed more than cheese on toast or cheesy chips (or occasionally I wanted some beans or a Yorkshire pudding...don't ask).

He went out at all hours to find things I was craving, because he just wanted to make sure I had eaten SOMETHING and understood the cravings were something my body/the baby needed. He ordered stuff, brought things I'd wanted back with him from work (and didn't complain when I'd gone off them or it turned out they also made me sick).

That's the bare minimum you should be getting from your partner when you're carrying their child. Not utter disrespect.

I feel bad for you that you are having a baby with someone like this, he sounds awful.