To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

There is a time and place. On a thread (if it is genuine) about a woman in a terrible relationship while pregnant, to a man we all know is going to get worse and worse is not the time nor place to get their name out there.

Who are the 4%? Blimey - the bloke is an utter selfish prick!

I completely disagree.

They are using her to look good. This could have been handled privately if they really wanted to do something nice, without using the company name in the username.

It's cynical, calculated, free marketing.

Yes and it's free cake. We can agree to disagree, but don't cake block the OP!

This man is going to be fucking unbearable when there’s a newborn around stealing his attention.

FFS raise your standards - hes a selfish twat who is not going to be a good father/husband. Leave him now - hes showing you who he is early on, believe him.

Have you ever been on Mumsnet before? There’s nothing on here except marketing and bitching.

Let Eve do whatever she’s doing. Posting on here isn’t exactly going to make people decide they suddenly want to order some cake through the bloody post is it. This site is 50% people who claim they never eat cake or UPFs anyway and are slim enough to fit through their own letterbox which they’re hardly going to want sullying with “viral cake”, and the other 50% are pleading poverty so won’t be able to stretch to that.

You wouldn’t be leaving him over chocolate cake, you’d be leaving him because he’s selfish and lazy and has no concern for you.
If you stay with him, be prepared to do all the night wake ups, all the early morning, all the arranging childcare and having to take time off work every time the baby is sick. He won’t improve.
if he cannot be considerate of his partner when she’s pregnant with his child, he will never be considerate of you.

Being 31 weeks pregnant I feel you!! I’d be fuminggggg. That’s really horrible of him to eat the entire thing!! And then to pretty much blame you for not feeding him, the audacity. I’d be on a no cooking strike for the next month, see to yourself you selfish cake eating ba….d

sounds like he is a very selfish person in general and the cake has been the straw to break the camels back! if he is like this at the start of your pregnancy then he will be 10 times worse if you don't tell him straight how you feel about his behaviours and attitudes, get it sorted now before you run yourself into the ground, you need to take care of you and the baby, not a man-child

If cooking 'stresses' him out then a baby will make him walk! He is a selfish prick and I for one would be rethinking my whole future! Good luck!

It’s only going to get worse. He’ll be like a second child when you have your baby. Run for the hills.

He's doing fuck all now and this is an easy time - once you have the baby he'll magically be out all the time working and at the gym and doing his own hobbies and you will get nothing from him.

Leave now and seriously cut him out of your life. Give the baby your surname.

He did this deliberately to pay you back for not cooking for him the he gaslit you. Leave and don't look back. Don't tell him where you are, you don't want any involvement with family courts.

My guess is that he is not happy about not being the centre of attention.

exDP was absolute apple of his mother’s eye. She died 2 years before DC1 was born. He had been the centre of her attention all his life. When I hooked up with him, he was also the centre of my attention.

i had some more minor incidents of similar behaviour to what you describe before DC1 was born . When DC1 was 8 weeks, that is when his psychological campaign of domestic abuse started. I eventually left. It was very hard to leave:

He’s a useless selfish prick. Don’t expect this to get any better when the baby comes OP.

He's shown you who he is, believe him.

Well, OP has not even come back...she posted once, then disappeared, it does make me wonder if it is all a publicity stunt.

Bizarre take.

Chocolate cake is for everyone.

This isn't about cake. His behaviour will get worse once the child is here OP! Have an exit plan ready.

@CharlieRight

do you think it’s not “manly” or something?

Id honestly leave him over more than just the cake he's selfish and lazy

Hardly a good choice of life partner if he can’t even feed himself.

In the light of what you now know about him I’d be reconsidering….everything!

This won’t get better OP. Do you really want to try and co-parent with this sorry excuse of a man? I’d be rethinking an awful lot of things in your situation.

Yeah get rid. Fast. His behaviour now is awful - unacceptable, he's a total shit. And however angry he's made you as a result, you'll be ten times angrier when he's pulling the same bullshit with a newborn in the house.

And 100 times angrier when you have no support as the child gets bigger and you realise that their male role model, the one that's supposed to model what a good man, husband and father looks like, is a selfish incompetent manipulative lazy cunt.

I have been a single parent and I promise you - it's easier on your own, than having to do it all AND meet the needs of a selfish lazy manchild. The illusion of support, and the expectation of support that doesn't come, is worse than no support at all. Looking after one child is hard - looking after 2 is harder, and he's a child.

If you chose not to proceed with the pregnancy, that's fine. If you choose to proceed without him, totally valid. Continuing as you are, with both the pregnancy AND the man? It's your life but I'd try and take more control over it. It really isn't about the cake.