To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

I truly find it difficult to believe that such despicable specimens live among us and can exist civilised societies with other humans partnering up with them! Is this for real? Please please expect and demand more from your life choices. Leave this idiot, you’re surely better alone…your cake would be yours to eat.

Oh and you’re leaving on more than the chocolate cake according to your OP?

I feel angry on your behalf. Btw, my dad was like that. He did t get better. He got worse - a lot worse.

It’s only going to get worse darling, cut your losses now, and leave him. It’ll be for the best for you and your baby.

LTB

He is an abuser. It will get worse.

“…he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning”

What the actual fuck….

You’re genuinely insane if you stay with this one OP.

My reading of the situation is he thinks you trapped him and will be delighted when you dump him.

I’m so sorry OP - you asked the question knowing the answer yourself already and you are right. He’s exactly as everyone has said and he won’t change. At best (but actually the worst case scenario) he might know the words to say that give you hope and tie you to him a bit longer and at bit longer until you realise 5/10/15/20 years down the line that this magnificent cake was sending you the message that this is your sliding doors moment.
Having a baby with him will tie you to him forever, make no mistake, it’s not until you divorce or the kids go to college, it’s for life.
I’m so sorry men like this exist

Seriously, I know this is not an easy decision as you are pregnant, but think seriously about what a life with this man child is going to be like?

He will not get better, he will likely not get up in the night to feed/ comfort the baby, he will not do his share of the housework, whilst you are recovering from childbirth . If he is man child now, who cannot feed himself, he will become even more unpleasant and useless when you need to prioritise your babies needs.

Take the trash out - get rid of him! I suggest a serious conversation where you clearly outline what your expectations of a partner are and he isn’t meeting them. Get him to move out and cook his own bloody meals. See if you miss him . . .

This. It’s not going to get any better

Wow but hope you are as OK as can be.
I'd say lazy and selfish!!! Get a choc cake for yourself and run (or fastish walk if poss in your condition). Jesus, why is he not helping you willingly knowing how you are feeling. Can see you'll be the one doing the caring for the baby and he will just get worse x What is wrong with poxy blokes.

its only 7 weeks and he’s acting up. This a flashing neon sign to wake tf up.

you will get more tired and he will be worse and when there is baby he will unbearable. Why sign up for a life tied to this man.

Something similar was the catalyst for my parents divorce. The selfishly devoured food was just a symptom of a wider problem.

Do you honestly think he is a good candidate to be the father of your children? He sounds like a nasty, petulant child himself.

I went through this weaponised incompetence and unpleasant behaviour with my former partner during pregnancy - stuck with him because I felt I had to for the sake of the baby. Then followed a few years of him going into direct competition with the baby, with acts of increasing stupidity, infidelity and bad behaviour. One expensive divorce and years paying off his debts later I wished that I had followed my instincts and struck out on my own before the baby was born - I ended up doing everything alone anyway in a far worse financial situation. Like you, life had been pretty idyllic before pregnancy, although looking back this was just as long as he didn't have to take responsibility for anything. This idiot is showing you who he really is - believe what you see, and walk. You are strong enough to raise your child without Manchild sticking a spoke in your wheels each time he exhales. Be prepared for some soap opera style shenanigans and theatrics though - this comes with the Manchild territory.

Sorry, he sounds very selfish.

You do not want to live with a person like this for another week.

Please don’t tell me you make him breakfast?! You might not want to leave him as most people are saying… but set things straight now. A cooking rota, don’t do his washing and dear god never EVER make him breakfast ever again. Don’t martyr yourself or mother him.

I’m so sorry I’m going to say it so bluntly but if I was in your position now, I’d terminate the pregnancy and leave him.
speaking from experience, it only gets worse. My ex ate a full bag of my sweets, laughed at me when I cried (I’d been craving them soo bad) and then told me they were shit anyway. That was just the start he never once did a night feed or anything to help.

Sorry about this @AreliabfMite .

Best of luck whatever you choose.

Thought I'd post to say weaponised incompetence is such a brilliant term. Are they seriously taught this sort of stuff? Or is it some sort of default behaviour because they are worried they might "do a cooking" wrong, even if it just means heating up stuff already cooked that's in the fridge.

I'm also now looking up the mystery viral chocolate cake.

Is it this?
https://www.littledessertshop.co.uk/product/3785/brucey-cake

He ate the whole of this in one night? Man alive

DON'T have a child with him! It's only 7 weeks, so you don't have to continue with the pregnancy. Why would you want to be tied to him for life when he is this much of a selfish, lazy pig? Do you really think he will change once the baby is here? No! He will get worse. Household chores, parenting, getting up to see to baby, nappies, feeding, etc ALL left to you. He is like this now? He will be much, much WORSE when the baby is here. This is a man who is not capable of being an equal partner, let alone a responsible parent. Please don't go through with this pregnancy or at least please leave him and parent on your own, because you know as well as I do that you will be parenting on your own anyway.

He is useless and selfish. It's only going to be worse once you have a baby unless he has an emergency personality make over.

Yep. This.

This isn’t about the cake.

That's the Nora Ephron romcom outcome.

Otherwise it will be some jolt that likely sends him running off to the pub

What's he been like when you've been ill @AreliabfMite

He’s a selfish prick and I think I’d be getting done for murder if it was me . He’s definitely done it on purpose in revenge for you not cooking.