To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

You really do need to leave.

If you stay, it will get worse. Single parenting is far easier than staying with an unsupportive, selfish partner. He sounds awful.

He sounds so grim I can't help suspecting a wind-up. Assuming it's not, for god's sake leave him.

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him @AreliabfMite

He's punished you for not making his dinner or breakfast.

This is abuse and going to get worse.

Ignoring the fact that he expects you to cook his meals for him, wtf??

You're not leaving over cake, you're leaving over his willful selfishness and abuse.

Protect yourself and the baby now.

If you are only 7 weeks pregnant, I'd be having a termination and ending the relationship. If you have this child you will be tied to him in the sense he can certainly make your life difficult without actually doing any childcare himself. He can't even cook you a meal when you are so unwell because it stresses him out when he is only working 20 hours a week - imagine what life would be like with him and a new-born who may have been screaming for the last two hours. .You are settling for a very hard life. At your current stage my husband was doing everything he could to make my life easier.

Now, I know there are lots of mumsnetters who will say that they found it easier to be single parents and so on. They must have had extremely unsupportive partners is all I can say. I found it exhausting working fulltime with a husband who absolutely did his share and when my husband worked overseas it was nightmarish looking after small children on my own. You will no doubt be trying to fit in school runs round working full-time and the amount he pays you will hardly stretch to the costs of the childcare. You will have less time and less money and finding a new partner with a dependant child is not necessarily an easy proposition. No, unlike some mumsnetters I don't think you should stay celibate for the next 18 years to devote yourself entirely to raising a child.

I think it's really important that a child is wanted by both parents and that the mother has a chance of a reasonable life rather than turning into a domestic drudge. I don't think that your "partner" wants this baby or at least doesn't want to stay around to raise it with you. I agree with the other posters who suggest he is being as unpleasant as he can be so you will leave and he won't be labelled as the man who walked out on pregnant girlfriend. Most men don't show their true colours till later in the pregnancy - strangely after the termination cut off time. You have the chance to not go through with this pregnancy and I'd urge you to take it.

Christ.
I would be tempted to have one very very serious conversation with him.
What does he imagine parenting would look like?
What does he see his role being?
What kind of parent/ partner does he want to be?
Dies ge feel his behaviour aligns with being a good parent and partner.

I would have that conversation because you are already pregnant and presumably he has good qualities?

Best of luck

Lol at everyone talking this thread seriously when the OP didn’t even return.

He awful so I’d think long and hard about a future with him. Also, you’re only seven weeks pregnant so all the cravings and exhaustion should be minimal and manageable. All a bit full on dramatic and a long way to go if you continue with the pregnancy

Your life is going to be hell, having a baby with him. Sorry

Has OP left the building?

The OP only posted it after 5pm yesterday! Only around 7 hours ago! Give her bloody chance! It's after midnight now, ffs.

If this is what it’s like for you now whilst there’s only 2 of you, then, you’re in for a really rough time once there’s 3!

Step 1: You need to get your partner cooking.
Step 2: Leave if step 1 doesn’t happen. You’re not HIS mum and there’s never a night-off cooking when you have a child in the house and believe me, you’ll not want to be doing it alone; 7 nights a week, 52 weeks a year for 18 years! Plus, there’s breakfast and lunches to manage too.

Tell him, ‘he ate the cake so he owes you dinner!’ Get him in the kitchen, the lazy sod!

I don't know what this cake is but if it is that big are you sure he ate it all.. or thrown it away out of some sort of spite?

I’m living with the ‘what happens next’ from your story - with a daughter who thought her partner would step up and grow up when the baby arrived.

He didn’t, in fact he’s worse

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning.

FFS. He's seriously claiming he is incapable of sorting out a bowl of cereal and putting bread into a toaster? Ask him whether he's suddenly developed premature senility.

It’s not about the cake

Kick his ass out of the house and don't let him back in again until he's gone and taken whatever trains are necessary, and gotten you a replacement cake! :)

He's eaten an entire slice of Big Bertha?! How has he managed that? I wouldn't be surprised if he actually threw it away.

You aren't leaving because of cake, you're leaving because that was the straw that broke the camels back. He's shown his true colours now.

Basically this :)

I hope you’ve gone through the replies on here. I have friends with kids and have seen the effect on women of having children with the wrong person. One in particular is a single mum, the father to her 13 year old son does absolutely nothing as a parent. Badmouths her to the son; doesn’t contribute a penny in child maintenance or even expenses towards special occasions and keeps his bedsit so filthy that the son hates coming to visit.

He is a textbook narcissist so tries to control my friends life even though they’ve been apart years, she can’t meet a new man without him finding out and intimidating the new person. Police won’t get involved, it is believed that he is an informant for them so any time she has tried to get a protection order they simply don’t show up in court to give evidence. All the details I’ve written are very circumstantial and particular to this case but the point is my friend couldn’t have anticipated this being the outcome when having a child with this man, or when she left him.

Think long and hard about what your future looks like with and without this man and baby. I think he very possibly doesn’t want this baby but now that you’re pregnant his shortcomings are becoming more obvious.

Leave the twat and do it alone. Babies are cute, man babies are a turn off. If you are not brave enough right this minute I promise in a few weeks from now you will hate much more about him. Be brave

It was not at all clear you were joking. I too thought you were serious, as did plenty of others.

Another non returning OP

think we've been had! Again.

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

I don’t know what you say in the UK, but in California we call this behavior chicken shit.

And worse, instead of rushing out to replace your cake he tried to shame you?

Leave the selfish bastard.

No man is better than a selfish arsehole.

The OP only posted it after 5pm yesterday! Only around 9 hours ago! Give her a bloody chance! It's after midnight now, ffs. If they don't come back after two days, then you'd have a point.

This isn’t just over a bit of cake. LEAVE THIS ASSHOLE! I can’t state this strongly enough. He’s cruel and he’s going to get more sadistic when you have a baby and aren’t being his maid/ nanny/ cook.