To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

The fact he ate the whole leftover cake tells you all you need to know about this man-child and it's got nothing to do with the cake. Run for the hills.

Was thinking this too.

It’s not just thoughtless- it actually sounds malicious.

the fact he blamed his ‘hunger’ on you not cooking for him shows he did this to spite you.

The weaponised incompetence sounds very like my ex. The behaviour really stepped up a gear when I got pregnant.

it just gets worse. Have a really good think about your options.

He sounds awful. I would worry he will only get worse when the baby comes. He doesn't seem to be cherishing you.

I would think very carefully about your future and options.

He seems is not ready to be a father or a spouse to a pregnant woman

I don’t mean to sound horrible and negative but this is only just the beginning.. you aren’t just in for one child you are also in for a bigger child, HIM!

This is that moment, the one you look back on and think … there is the moment I should have walked away. He’s deliberately punishing you by being helpless and when that wasn’t enough he took your cake on purpose to punish you further. Let this be your eye opener and not the regret that you didn’t act then moment.

OP please make the arrangements to live your life as away from him as possible now, while you still have the chance to, before the baby arrives. Please. He won't get better. You will have two children. You will be angry and resentful and overloaded and overwhelmed. Please do it now so you're not back on here in two years wishing you had done it earlier and trying to work out how to extricate yourself. The problem is not that you're pregnant and tired, he is the problem. He. Is. The. Problem.

When I saw the title, I thought how bad can this be. But basically it’s another sign that he’s selfish and doesn’t like sharing. He won’t share cooking, laundry or even leave cake for you to share. Guaranteed he won’t share nighttime baby wake ups, bath times or money when you’re on lower pay during maternity leave.

The not cooking thing is bullshit. He can cook up pasta and bung chicken in the oven, add some veg and pesto, there are so many easy meals.

Eating the whole cake while he knew you specifically bought it for a craving, is psychopathic behaviour. Either he can’t deal with impulse control or he was trying to punish you for not cooking. Please leave this man. He is not who you want to raise a child with.

'Weaponised incompetence' this is a good phrase! Use it well.

ALSO WHY THE FUCK does he need you to make breakfast for him?! I just realised that bit - what did he eat for breakfast before you met?! I am in shock…

Fucking no.

He’s being absolutely pathetic and to take your cake, that bit of joy waiting for you is messed up!!! You’re literally growing new life the least he can do is get off his arse and make you a decent meal. Trust me having a new baby (while magical) is no joke and having somebody like that drain what little energy you have is going to be no fun at all. I would seriously be considering do I want to be with him.

Imagine all this… but with sleepless nights and a newborn. He’s not worth it

Kill him. Get a nice new patio and just chuck him underneath.

Sounds like the type that will expect dinner on the table the minute you are home from the hospital! You will be sore, exhausted, feeding a baby and hormonal and he is going to be whinging about there being no food cooked for him or breakfast. I would get out now before baby arrives as he isn’t going to change.

Correct. He's not going to suddenly step up and take on chores he can't be arsed to now when there's the aditional stress, fatigue and care of the baby in the mix too.

He sound vile, selfish and thick. Was he nice before? You are having his baby and he tells you to get over yourself. He’s not willing to do anything to help out or make you feel cared for. I’d have been out the door so fast. How old are you? I think I’d be considering all options in your shoes.

You wouldn't be leaving him over a chocolate cake.
You would be leaving him over his lack of care and concern for you.

What was he like before the pregnancy?

I ask as we were blindsided by ours. I couldn’t ignore it as I got the symptoms and needed to make the life changes. DH was probably in shock the whole time, although we both decided to go with it. Because he was caring beforehand, generally looking out for me and supporting me in a number of ways, I kept with him. We’d been together a very long time. But any mention of a pregnancy symptom or limitation seemed to bring up the thing he couldn’t quite process and was burying - that we were going to be parents.

Now, with a 9yr old, this weekend for example he‘s done far more parenting than me.

He ate the cake as punishment because you didn’t feed him.

He’s a nasty piece of work isn’t he?

Honestly I’d be considering abortion, this doesn’t sound like a good man to have a child with. Even if you split, he’s still going to be in your life forever. Find a better father for your future child.

My ex partner started this when I was pregnant. Suddenly he had to do more and take on more responsibility and he did the same. I had a emergency c section, passed out during it from loss of blood.

The hospital i was in was absolutely horrid, told me I couldn't have any pain relief after due to some medication I was on (i wasn't they'd read it wrong). The very nignt I had him I asked him to please help me sit up in bed (I hate asking for help, I am I'll do it myself kind of woman always have been) and he said "press your buzzer that's what they're there for" I was fueled by rage at that point, so i just sat up, packed everything up & i went home the next day. He slept in till 1/2pm most days so I was on my own seeing to our son, 2 dogs and house work.

He even made me drive 6 days after to get the click and collect food shop bc he had "dodgy belly" and could "s##t" himself it he went. (This was incredibly dangerous i know but it was Christmas week and I couldn't risk not having the food in)

Because the baby had 99% of my attention, he became an absolute knobhead. He knows exactly what he is doing and if he's behaving like this now, he will be even worse when baby is here. Nip this in the bud with him now or you'll be miserable like i was the whole pregnancy & just after and I wouldn't wish that on anyone darling. It should be a magical experience that you look back on & can't wait to do it again xxx

There is no doubt he will be a complete pain..bail out now as he should be thoughtful and doing a fair share of household chores. As for eating the cake...thats pure spite.

The only consideration I see here is him picking you up from the station (btw, unless there's a good reason your parents can't travel, when you're pregnant and ill please encourage them to come to you-it seems you're the person doing everything for everyone now-and you should be getting the consideration!)
If it was just taking the cake, that would be one thing. Still rude, but as a one-off, no big deal. It's the other stuff you say that rankles.
If he is genuinely so stressed he can't remember how to cook, he needs to get help. Now. If he won't, then there's going to be real issues after the birth.