To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

No and no

I recently dumped someone for calling me hormonal (in a way to excuse his sh#t behaviour). You are pregnant with his child, he knew you were craving the cake yet he ate it all and then accused you of being hormonal when you pulled him up for it? Sorry OP but this is just the beginning of what’s to come.

Yep - you're being trained, OP. Trained to do it all and expect nothing.

Having a baby with Mr King Of Everything would be worse than by yourself: as well as doing it all, you'd be doing it all for him too, no doubt with whining about your being exhausted all the time and not giving him the attention he thinks he deserves.

I'm with everyone else saying get out now! And buy yourself a cake.

Please come back and tell us you have split up with him OP.

He is showing you who he is. Listen to him and believe it.

And take the advice of the hundreds of women on here who have seen this shit before and learn from us.

Fuck sake, he's a complete arse.
Get rid - obviously the baby complicates matters for ever, but he's a sad fck excuse for man, and you shouldn't continue to let him be a part of your life.

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning.

@AreliabfMite What's he going to do when you haven't cooked because you've been looking after sick children and you didn't make breakfast because you had finally got to sleep after two days? Eat all the food in the fridge and leave you AND the children wtihout food?

Damn right it was malicious. Leave, right now. You won't change him.

It’s not the cake, it’s the fact that he is putting his wants and needs above yours. When the baby comes you will be looking after it and him but who will be looking after you? Get rid of him. He’s showing you who he is; selfish, inconsiderate, self centred. To blame your legitimate feelings of anger and frustration on pregnancy hormones is also a dick move

My very first LTB. Its only going to get worse. You'll have 2 babies to look after

Like others have said, he is a walking red flag. He’s not mature enough to be a dad, he can’t even step up and make tea or fold clothes while you’re working. He ate your cake that you’ve been craving. He’s minimised your feelings. He’s not stepped up now and he won’t step up when the baby is born. He will be jealous of the attention you will give to the baby. He’s not going to get better. Leave.

I would terminate the pregnancy and end the relationship. He sounds absolutely awful. Do not choose this man to be the father to your child.

He is a total arsehole. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him

It's your straw that breaks the camels back moment.

Mine was when XH finished my bottle of champagne I'd been saving for months. I'd had a small glass to celebrate a new job. I gave him a glass too. I went to bed knackered after all the job interview prep.

Next evening when he was out, I went to get another glass. Discovered the empty bottle in the recycling.

That's when I knew my 20 year marriage was over.

I don't see this ending well OP. Sorry.

Beyond extreme selfishness .. he ate it ALL!!! What’s wrong with a sandwich and a bit of cake?!

He is showing you exactly who he is and what the pecking order is. He. Won't. Change.
Get out now.
If you don't leave him now you will be stuck and your self-esteem will slowly erode. Just look at the myriad threads here on the forum about it.
Don't try and accept it.
Don't try and change him.
Don't think or hope he will change as your pregnancy progresses, if you become unwell or when the baby arrives.
Not only will he not change, he will likely get worse because he sees he can walk all over you. This is who he is.

This!!!!

This

For God's sake don't have a baby with this man. Men like this show their true colours when there is a pregnancy and are even worse when the baby is born. Your life will be a nightmare and you will basically be a single parent.

I'm a man, a greybearded father of two adult children. Seems to me that your partner is not looking forward to unexpected parenthood at all. His behaviour is calculated to communicate that if you decide to go through with this pregnancy, you should not expect any help from him. Your choice, your consequences etc.

If you love him very much, book a termination and hope that he grows up in time to start a family. I'm sorry, this is an awful choice for any woman but introducing a demanding new-born baby to this relationship now will probably end it anyway.

You want a baby. He wants to be looked after even if it means you are not looked after. Both of you have different needs. Your drive for a baby has overshadowed your perception prior to this ( this is not criticism) Now you see him clearly. No more arguing Decide what you need to do for yourself.

You can leave for whatever reason you like.

What a selfish greedy pig, eating the whole chocolate cake! I hope it gives him the shits.

And he only works 20 hours a week and does nothing round the house? He couldn't even make you beans on toast for your tea? He is a lazy incompetent useless twat. Throw him out. You can do so much better than him.

Honestly same. This is not a man to be tied to for the next 20 years.

He will get worse not better.

This! I’m fuming on your behalf!! He ate the cake because YOU didn’t cook him dinner the night before, and YOU didn’t make his breakfast (you was at your parents, so he was obv peeved to fend for himself for 1 night!!), FFS, useless!!

100% listen to this. I think he's got your DP spot on.

The cake is the least of your worries, I'm afraid. 'The relationship is fine' and 'there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour' do not belong in the same sentence. He is showing you who he is, and I'm sorry to say it won't get better when the baby arrives.

This is going to get so much worse. Sorry OP.