To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

Agree. You will have zero time for this nonsense once you have a real child to look after. Imagine not being able to make breakfast…

Sorry but I agree with this. You have to feed him or he eats your treats? I'm sorry but wtaf

As others have said, this will only get worse. It made me shudder with worry for you.

We know it not about the cake, it 's everything else that's gone on before, this has just bought it to a head for you. Now your lights are on full beam and you are seeing him more clearly than ever before.
He doesn't care about you or the baby, it's him first, him second & him ever after. He ate your special treat that he knew you were looking forward to because he was too fucking lazy to make himself something. Not only that, he didn't even leave you a taste, he scoffed the lot the greedy shit!
Do yourself the favour of your lifetime & either leave him or kick him out. I would not willingly have a child with a self centred, greedy, lazy, bastard like him.

if he is like this while you are struggling with the early stages of pregnancy and you can at least rest horrible though he is being, just imagine what a drain he is going to be when you are coping with a new born, trying to establish feeding, coping with disrupted sleep and recovering from childbirth. He will doubtless still be expecting you to cook, clean and do alll the 0ther stuff to run the house

Good luck entering parenthood with this man. You are in for one hell of a ride.

It’s not just the cake is it? He’s a horrible, selfish and manipulative person. If he won’t look after you whilst you are pregnant and he’s barely working, he won’t look after you / baby either…

@AreliabfMite Was the viral cake a Bertha by Get Baked? If so, I would absolutely dump him! And you're right, they're fucking huge - they easily feed 4 people.

putting the cake thing aside ( roster) if you’re too tired to cook then don’t… simple really

Try reading the OP first post.

Doesn’t look like OP’s coming back. I really hope it’s a wind-up.

@Jukeboxjulie69

but what will her boyfriend do then?? All he’s had to eat all day is a bit of cake, he’ll be withering away

OP: when I was pregnant with my first my DP could not do enough for me. He treated me as if I was the most precious being. Understood first trimester tiredness, researched and cooked recipes which offered optimum nutrition for pregnancy, took over any household chores without comment when I fell asleep on the sofa. Etc etc.

I dare say many, many other Dads to Be behave similarly.

Your relationship is also still relatively new. You should be able to rely on him 100% , know that you are a team, have each other’s backs. Does he fit this picture?

I am sorry to say that for me personally, I would not want an unplanned pregnancy to tie me to a man like this and the life that will ensue.

Do you really want a future with him? What's appealing about him? He is lazy and selfish. He expects you to cook and clean after him. Is that the life you want?

What does he have to offer? Is it worth what is expected of you in return?

I know this isn’t the point……but is it GetBaked?
With regards to the man….,he sounds awful! Do not rely on him to help you raise a child

I guessed the same. It has to be Bertha.

He's eaten your treat to punish you for not making his dinner. Get rid of him. He won't get better, and he'll behave badly to any future child - and quite possibly encourage them to treat you like a servant too, especially if it's a boy.

They don't change when a baby comes along. In fact, because life is 100x harder and mums naturally are the primary carer at first, men like him dig their heels in and become lazier and nastier because it's even harder for you to leave.

Leave.

Now.

Get rid of him. He's a walking red flag. You will end up doing everything for baby as well as in the home, while he will sit there and act like another child!

I’ve not voted because the cake is the least of your problems!!

I really hope this isn’t true!

Sorry, but this is not a nice man. Bad enough he can’t cook at all but if he can’t even keep his hands off a cake he knows you really wanted to eat, it doesn’t bode well. You aren’t married to this man, tell him he needs to get his act together or this is over. Don’t waste your time, it rarely gets better unless he makes a serious effort.

Sorry to say this, but there’s no way i’d be having a baby with this man, as nearly all the useless men on this site at least started off half decent. This guy is lazy and selfish. Who even eats an entire cake his pregnant partner bought. I’d be leaving him, and considering ending the pregnancy. Trust me, he won’t get any better, only much worse.

For me the bit that's stands out is his excuse....he did it because you didn't cook him dinner or make him breakfast!

This isn't about incompetence, selfishness or laziness (although he is all of those things). This was him punishing you!

I'm willing to bet this is about him not liking that fact that he is no longer your top most priority and him feeling second to the pregnancy (as it should be).

He was punishing you for not putting him first, but he will always come second to the baby whether he likes it or not and this is just the start.

I fear this is the start of a very slippery slope...think very carefully about how you go forward

Fast forward your imagination 10 months or so, OP. You're sleep deprived with a newborn clung to you 24/7, and you haven't showered or even brushed your hair for days. Is he going to come home and take over so you can have a bath while he cooks tea? And has a quick tidy round and bungs a machine load of washing in? Or is he going to stand there shouting at why there is no tea cooked and what the fuck have you been doing all day..... oh and he wants sex.

Your answer to that is how you decide whether you stay or go. Because having a baby is pretty much the hardest thing emotionally and physically you'll ever go through, and you want someone on your side for it. Trust me.

It’s not just the cake though? It’s the fact you’re a smart woman who realises he is a selfish moron. Cast him back. You need need to parent him and his offspring.