To think this is too much for a 30th?

[Savante]

I’ve got a friend who I’ve been friends with since university. There are four of us who are still in touch. This friend is 30 this time next year and asked if we want to go away for the weekend to Scotland to celebrate. I agreed.

However, friend has now decided she wants to go abroad. She’s found huge self catering villa in Italy and it’s stunning. It sleeps 20, and if full would cost us £200 each plus about £250 for flights. Everyone has happily agreed but AIBU to think it’s a bit much for a 30th? For a hen or a 50th or a wedding, of course, but I think it’s a lot of money to spend on someone’s birthday for a weekend away with her friends and family who I’ve never met (except her parents and one sibling).

Ah that makes sense. If your dilemma is a friend expecting you to shell out for events to celebrate her but is low effort for you then that's different. I think you'd be totally justified to be annoyed.
The way she should look at this is like a wedding abroad - you can do whatever you want but you should not expect everyone to be able to attend.
Maybe just politely say it doesn't suit to be going away but you'll catch up for drinks or something to celebrate at home.

You need to reread my posts. I don’t think you’ve understood them.

Yes, this is entirely my issue now I’ve seen it written down like this.

Anyway, lots of people have replied saying it’s too much for them for a weekend so she’s looking at something cheaper at home, so that’s sorted.

Sounds like you don't like her very much so maybe don't go at all. I wouldn't want someone who called me "self obsessed" to come for my birthday. Especially if I considered them a close enough friend to want them to come away with my family, it would hurt me to know they dislike me and talk shit about me online.
Shame the Italy plan was cancelled it sounded great fun for her (with the right company)

Is she looking to go away in the UK now? It probably won’t be much cheaper and less fun.

Hopefully it’s just a meal. I don’t think the cost was high but I wouldn’t want to holiday with strangers.

i think it’s a lot to ask anyone to do, whether it’s a hen or wedding or not it’s a lot to ask of people to spend hundreds of pound. However, I do think people shouldn’t need to be getting married / have a baby etc to decide they want a big celebration! If you don’t want to spend it don’t go. Strange that you think a 50th is fine but not a 30th!

I go away in the UK several times a year and it’s never more than around £200 for a very nice cottage or holiday home with a hot tub. That’s what we’ll be doing now and it definitely won’t cost anywhere near £450.

Why will it be less fun?

This

It’s still expensive in the UK for cottages - even more so now. But I guess it’s the flights you’ll save on. Hopefully she’ll find somewhere reasonable. You still have the same issue of being with her family and people you don’t know? So the cost was the issue? Not the people! Now you are saying it will be fun?

I still maintain £450 for a weekend away in Italy with flights and accommodation is very cheap. And personally I’d prefer Italy to a UK weekend. But each to their own.

If I could go back in time I’d have loved to have done more holidays with friends pre kids. Good for her for organising something.

No I wouldn’t put myself in debt for it, but if I can afford I would t be thinking it’s too much for a birthday

Hardly the same things though, are they ?

Spending 8 - 11 hours at a wedding, or a Church service then a couple of hours at a meal for a Christening is very, very different from sharing a villa for 4 days with people you don't know. Odd to suggest otherwise.

Where do you get deals like that?? Send some links 😆

It was an issue of the cost of going on a holiday with people I don’t know. £200 or so I think is fair. £450 to go away with friends is more than okay. £450 for a holiday I wouldn’t choose with people I don’t know I wasn’t keen on.

Go onto Booking.com and put in the number of bedrooms needed and click the hot tub requirement and a rating of 8+. There are hundreds.

We’ll organise that then and don’t go on hers.

I know right? So OP is saying a really nice cottage with a hot tub for £100 a night (£200 for the weekend). I’ve never found anything that cheap.

The OP is talking about the pp price (ie, what she would have to pay for a weekend in a cottage with friends) not the price of the whole place.

Hmm everytime I’ve stayed somewhere suspiciously cheap it’s been horrendous! I would be extremely wary staying somewhere that cheap the hot tub could be a
a inflatable one in someone’s back garden.

Where on Earth are you looking?

Will anyone else be doing a 30th like that? Because if you’re all turning 30 it doesn’t sound feasible! Can the others all afford it?

How much would you normally pay for two nights in a British cottage? And how many people would usually be there? £200 is not anything like suspiciously cheap.

Is this what’s causing the very odd replies? No idea why people would think I’ve suddenly gone from talking about the cost per person to the cost per accommodation.

I think it depends on the situation.

I had a friend do a 30th abroad. This friend lives abroad (not same country we went to) and has said she is never getting married or having kids. I’ll never have to spend big to travel to these events for her so I saw her 30th as something similar. The flights alone were £900, which was a bit steep for me but I just had to swallow it! We had a wonderful time and made excellent memories! She was also a great host and paid for the first and last night dinners and stocked the airbnb with fizz.

So it’s a 4 grand villa? It is a bit OTT. Some people like to use these things as an excuse to get away for a mini break.

30th bday is not much different to a 50th though, why do you think it is out of interest?

More like a grand