To think this is too much for a 30th?

[Savante]

I’ve got a friend who I’ve been friends with since university. There are four of us who are still in touch. This friend is 30 this time next year and asked if we want to go away for the weekend to Scotland to celebrate. I agreed.

However, friend has now decided she wants to go abroad. She’s found huge self catering villa in Italy and it’s stunning. It sleeps 20, and if full would cost us £200 each plus about £250 for flights. Everyone has happily agreed but AIBU to think it’s a bit much for a 30th? For a hen or a 50th or a wedding, of course, but I think it’s a lot of money to spend on someone’s birthday for a weekend away with her friends and family who I’ve never met (except her parents and one sibling).

Money aside I personally wouldn’t go. The trip has changed. If it was a girls trip with your friends, 100 per cent if I could afford it. But if it was not with my group of girls and with people I wasn’t sure on then it becomes an obligation.

Yes, this is the nail on the head. It felt like an obligation.

So what if it's taken as a "slight", by saying she wouldnt care about anyone else's birthday doesn't make her sound very nice anyway.

It's the only thing I can think of @Savante

When dh and I go away we rarely pay more than £100 per night between us (ie £50pp, per night) and then it tends to get cheaper per person, the bigger the accommodation.

We've just booked a cottage for September (sleeps 8 but 6 of us going) for £1270, so approx £30pp per night with 6 of us going. Not sure why everyone is so incredulous.

£450 for a holiday I wouldn’t choose with people I don’t know I wasn’t keen on.

This is the crux of it.

Arrange a UK cottage of your more usual budget to celebrate yours and another member of the friendship group’s birthday and give this one a miss.

Live while your young.

Yes exactly. When my partner and I go away in Britain to a holiday home we pay £100 each per night maximum. When the six of us who usually go away together go it’s a lot less. We went to a four bedroom, four bathroom beautiful detached old cottage with a hot tub in November for three nights and the six of us paid £170 each for the whole stay.

So it’s a couple of hundred quid less to stay in the UK versus flights and a lovely Italian villa. I know what sounds like the better deal. Suddenly you’re ok to go away with her family and friends you don’t know.

But you really sound like you don’t like her and don’t want to go so tell her rather than moaning on here and continually changing the goalposts.

You’re very angry about a situation you’re reading about on the internet.

Not angry at all. Bemused maybe.

Sure.

That must be such a relief that within 3 hours of your writing your thread the friend has changed her mind altogether and is going to go somewhere else.

Thank goodness it didn't drag on for days or even weeks.

I guess she only thought of the trip abroad today and her family/friends reacted very quickly once it was suggested.

Yeah, WhatsApp set up today, a few said they couldn’t afford it, and so she’s looked for and has found a couple of cheaper, closer, easier options.

Sounds quite cheap to me. But if you don’t and can’t justify it then politely decline.

There’s only one angry poster - the op! Clearly needs a holiday!

Also, it's too soon after Christmas to be going on an extravagant weekend away & money is tight for many people in January. I personally wouldn't go away for the trip abroad but would do for the Scotland trip.

Nope, not at all “too much”. Just don’t go if you don’t want to, it’s not compulsory.

For my 30th my friends and I went to Ibiza to celebrate. Was absolutely amazing 🤩 Who says 30th isn’t as big a deal as 50th or a hen do (WTF?)?