Irritated by grandparent videos for toddler

[Movingstressangst]

My parents keep sending videos for us to show our toddler. Usually of themselves/an animal they've seen. Generally around 1-2 mins long. If I don't respond (working full time/busy active lives) then they chase a few hours later to ask what he thought of the video.

My son likes them. Obviously because he's 2 he wants to watch them over and over and then often gets upset when I take the phone away.

Aibu to find this whole rigmarole really bloody irritating 😂? It's just a faff. More controversially wibu to just pretend I have shown them to him... I've been scrupulously honest so far and have genuinely shown them to him.

I'd say, "He hasn't seen them yet. We're doing swimming, supper, tidyup, bath, story and bed. I'm sure we'll get to them tomorrow...or maybe Saturday morning....."

My parents used to do this, drove me bloody insane half the time they weren’t even interested in watching it. Luckily both dc have their own whatsapps now.

This is what we've been doing (which is usually genuinely true)! But guaranteed there will be a second follow up chase the next day 🫠

Yet another thing I’ve added to my list of things MN tells me I mustn’t do as a Grandparent!

I'm relieved it annoyed someone else too 😂. I feel like my irritation is disproportionate - I'm so lucky that my parents give a crap about my kid and are actively involved in his life I know. But the constant chasing and the fact it gives me another job on the list just makes my heart sink every time I see another one come through!

'Hi Mum, he wasn't that interested tbh, more interested in his dinosaurs/MLP/whatever he likes. Kids eh?.'

Repeat ad nauseum.

Who'd be a grandparent. They love your son, they want to be part of his life. There are so many threads on this site where people are upset that their children's grandparents show no interest.

This is about the least intrusive thing they can do. It's not like they're pushing for video calls. You've said yourself that your son loves the videos. So why would you withhold them?

If they nudge you, just say that you're waiting for a nice calm time before bed so that he can focus on the video.

My DD and my little grandchildren send me videos of what they're doing, and I send videos to them when I'm on holiday etc.

I have no idea why this is winding you up so much, when your son loves the videos.

One day your parents won’t be around and your son might treasure this little silly ritual as a precious memory. Just take it lightly and tell them that you won’t be always respond immediately as you might be busy doing something else. But to be irritated for this, it seems a tad too much.

Since he loves the videos, why should OP lie in such a hurtful way?

It takes less than 30 seconds to type "thanks, he loved it, as usual!"

My parents always do this, but we live abroad, and it’s their way of showing the DC their lives and where they live.

I do find it annoying, but I make an effort before bedtime each evening to say ‘let’s see what grandma and grandpa have sent us today’ and watch it.

It also makes the weekend video call easier because they have something to talk about.

To be honest OP, my in-laws care so little about my DC, I’m just glad that someone shows an interest in them.

Tell them you're adamant about not normalising screentime as passive entertainment.

I wouldn’t be encouraging this sort of screen time at that age tbh but the keenness for the involvement in your son’s life I’d try to support as much as possible. Would it be possible to arrange a weekly video call with the grandparents, perhaps before bed, so they could see your son and only share the video during that call, letting them commentate and interact with your son about the content? Then it’s an enriched experience for both but you aren’t getting in the habit of showing your toddler videos.

Ah I know 🙈. I wouldn't want to say to them and hurt their feelings. And I can only rationalise it as "nobody can wind you up like your parents can". It's not a big deal in the scheme of things.

I suppose I feel like the most helpful thing grandparents can do is take things off your mental/actual to do list. Which they do in many many ways. But this adds another thing to do.

They've sent 2 in the last 24 hours 🫠

It's winding OP up because when you have a toddler you have a neverending list of things to do/avoid/check up on/explain etc. Then to have parents messaging you random videos in case your toddler might enjoy them - there's nothing "wrong" with it per se, but it's another small but irritating addition to the already massive mental load that you're dealing with.

You have to show the toddler, then once the video's done you have to take the screen away (not always easy), and then you have to compose a nice little message explaining what the toddler thought and send it. Meanwhile toddler is cross at having the screen taken away and clamouring for attention/drawing on the sofa cushions/ undressing themselves/ throwing toys across the floor.

I don't think OP is being remotely unreasonable to find this annoying. It's lovely that the grandparents want to connect but it really isn't a convenient method of doing so.

My dad passed away in November aged 71.

What I'd give to receive a funny video from for my kids.

Enjoy it while they're around, because they won't be forever.

I think it's the chasing up which would be most annoying. Just show him then every couple of days and send then heart emoji.

My dad dos something similar - but not videos for kids

more like hey when you get a chance can you look up this or that or hotel price on these dates or flights these dates and chases up hey you get a chance to look into that for me

i work full time and have 2 kids under 5 and we are busy running around in the mornings and evenings for drop off pick ups obviously

he’s retired and no issues with using technology so I’ve no idea why he needs my help 😆😆😆

luckily he has a good sense of humour and I’ve blocked him temporarily a few times out of stress of his messages and he’s said at dinner one evening oh sure you she probably still has me blocked after last time I asked her a question 😆😆

I’ve started to just be honest with him and say im
Super busy no time at work and straight to bed once I get kids in bed sorry 🤷‍♀️

They are not satisfied with a heart emoji 😂. There would definitely be follow up questions from them about exactly what he thought of the video and which bits in particular he liked.

I suppose I feel like the most helpful thing grandparents can do is take things off your mental/actual to do list. Which they do in many many ways.

I imagine the things they help you with are more time consuming than you sending those few words to say he watched them.

As I said, my DD probably sends more videos that I do, so it's no issue in my family. But if she did mind, I'd hope that she'd remind herself of the many days of childcare, of me stepping in when there's an emergency, helping out with practical things and financial help etc, and get a grip.

I find it MN so depressing sometimes. It seems that grandparents can't do right for doing wrong. I'm very grateful that I have a laid back DD!

Could you do a specific time to show him? So like 'thanks, I'll show him when he has his 'movie time' before his bath!'
Just show him all the videos in one go at a time convenient to you rather than immediately when they arrive, and let your parents know that you save them all up and show them all together?

I am already guilty of this offence! I sent video of Kangaroos on a golf course in Australia for my Granddaughter to look at . Luckily my daughter was very happy to show to my Granddaughter who was thrilled with it.

I really don’t understand the mental / add on list you are talking about! Just reply a quick thank you,he really enjoyed it 🤷‍♀️

I'm really grateful for everything they do. I haven't breathed a word of irritation to them (and don't plan to!)