Irritated by grandparent videos for toddler

[Movingstressangst]

My parents keep sending videos for us to show our toddler. Usually of themselves/an animal they've seen. Generally around 1-2 mins long. If I don't respond (working full time/busy active lives) then they chase a few hours later to ask what he thought of the video.

My son likes them. Obviously because he's 2 he wants to watch them over and over and then often gets upset when I take the phone away.

Aibu to find this whole rigmarole really bloody irritating 😂? It's just a faff. More controversially wibu to just pretend I have shown them to him... I've been scrupulously honest so far and have genuinely shown them to him.

You sound a bit intolerant. You said yourself DS likes the videos, and being in touch with DGP is a nice habit to be in. Why not get in a routine of watching the videos each day at a time that suits eg teatime/bedtime. That way DGP won’t expect a reply all day. Then simply reply to them at the end of each day saying… lol/ cute / nice/ loved it/ 👍.

Agree. I hope the DGP haters never ask for babysitting.

Aww I think this is so cute 😂 they obviously love him a lot

I'd say 'we don't allow our child screens/to look at the phone. He is too young for that.

As it's true

I love it- my kids barely know of my mum because she lives far away and can’t work her mobile phone and because mil is on WhatsApp they think she’s her only granny. You’ll hate me saying this but you’re lucky that a they care and b they can

My daughter sends me loads of videos of my grandchild saying or doing things which I don't find particularly cute or interesting (often imitating some viral tend). Loads of them . It only takes a few seconds to say that's hilarious or bless. They are trying to stay connected. It might just be something you have to go along with

I would have a set time each day/every other day/as appropriate to show him the video/s, so it becomes part of his routine. And then a set time to respond to DGPs, when he's in bed so you're not distracted from him. Explain this to them, so they don't keep sending 'did he like the video ' messages.
You do say that they help out a lot, and this isn't a very time-consuming thing to do for them if it's managed properly.
As a grandma to one DGS, who lives in Dubai, this is a great way to connect.

You are being unfair to the OP. It is not the videos she has a problem with, it is the constant chasing to find out if he has seen them yet.

Oh no, this is so sad!! What a sweet thing for your parents to do. I’d explain that it’s not always super easy to watch there and then but that you really appreciate them taking the time to think of your child and ensure to always reply when I could! Casting to the tv is a very sensible idea I think.

See if my parents did this for my children, it wouldn’t bother me! Seems like they just want to be involved and keep themselves present in the grandchild’s life if they can’t see them all the time in person.

Surely you didn’t need Mumsnet to tell you not to regularly send videos to a toddler that need facilitating by a busy adult and require the child to be holding a device that likely cost hundreds of pounds? And the following up of the video? Come on, you know that’s not normal behaviour surely?

40% of people think you’re wrong? Wtf? 😂

How about:

he loves the videos you send, how about saving them to watch when you’re with him so you can share the laughter?

You don’t have to answer , or answer as quickly. Train them, you giving a quick response trains them to expect one. Be less responsive.

I think it’s not the videos as such, more the insistence that he has to look at them right then and there and if not they will follow it up with another text, as if the OP has nothing better to do and doesn’t have a busy life looking after a toddler! It comes across as entitled.

Grandparents have had toddlers themselves. But none of them have experience of the effect that smartphones and short form videos have on many toddlers. It can be an absolute nightmare.

I would just say ‘thanks mum/dad, that’s a sweet video but I’m decided to stop letting him watch things on my phone because I don’t think it’s good for him. Thanks for thinking of him though!’

Look, someone normal!

I'm 65 and have a grandchild on the way. I would not do this because I would not support a reliance on screens. Also, there's a huge difference between a short video of a Kingfisher (which I've only seen three times in my 65 years) and daily funnies of the cats.

Also, I remember the busyness, multitasking and sticking to routine with young children.

But the OP says her son likes them? Why would she try to stop something her son enjoys.

Have a set time that you and toddler will spend looking at the videos each day if you can, whether that’s before bath time, while having cuddles after work, whatever works for you. Stick to it and remind grandparents whenever needed. ‘No, he hasn’t seen it yet, we’ll watch it later before his bath’.
It might actually be helpful to have a face to face conversation as well.
‘Charlie loves your videos but I don’t always have time to show them to him as soon as you send them because I’m at work/doing nursery pick up/making dinner/doing housework/taking him to toddler group. There’s no need for you to send me another text chasing me up- I’ll get to it when I have time’ .

My parents send videos of animals in their garden. Kids love them. Never found it annoying or an issue honestly - I liked that they were involved and the kids liked to see. All I ever send back is a heart react and say they loved it/quote an observation. I get it if they are constantly sending them and hounding you for a response, but in the grand scheme of things...

One unreasonable thing that did used to bother me with babies though was being sent flowers. When you've already got your hands full with kids, and you're sleep deprived, the last thing you want to do is trim and prepare a bouquet of flowers, find a vase, continually wipe up stray petals/leaves, then tip it all out and clean the vase out again in a few days. Especially when there are other things you would actually enjoy!

That is beyond the pale. I’d ask them to stop, on screen time grounds.

Can you have a conversation with them to understand what they’re looking for from these exchanges? Do they want to be in his life more? Are there other ways of going about it?

My parents used to send postcards to DD when she was a toddler and they are a lovely keepsake now that they’re both dead. Would they consider that? (Maybe don’t mention the being dead bit)

I would have a set time each day/every other day/as appropriate to show him the video/s, so it becomes part of his routine.

That sounds a good idea to me. It would also help for him to get into a habit, as you can say he can watch it twice, then 'finished'.

I can’t think of anything worse for my two-year old grandchild right now than having daily screen gawping sessions. What’s the point?

Like OP says, it just winds hers up. Mine would be the same.

And fuck the ‘which parts did dgc like best?’ post-match analysis every day or two.

Either lie or just say you’re trying to keep him off screens.