Irritated by grandparent videos for toddler

[Movingstressangst]

My parents keep sending videos for us to show our toddler. Usually of themselves/an animal they've seen. Generally around 1-2 mins long. If I don't respond (working full time/busy active lives) then they chase a few hours later to ask what he thought of the video.

My son likes them. Obviously because he's 2 he wants to watch them over and over and then often gets upset when I take the phone away.

Aibu to find this whole rigmarole really bloody irritating 😂? It's just a faff. More controversially wibu to just pretend I have shown them to him... I've been scrupulously honest so far and have genuinely shown them to him.

I am a grandmother, mother, mil.

I am both over and under involved, apparently.

Just say he loved it.

It’s a phase. You may look back at it fondly. Or not

I agree. And on another note, I absolutely treasure those videos now my DM has died. I have a whole collection with her face and voice talking to DC that they ask to watch to see her. I panicked when she died that I wouldn't be able to remember her voice, but then I remembered all the videos she had sent for the children!

One day you will be a Grandmother and your child may just throw your love back in your face.

I totally understand the frustration.

Maybe say you are trying to reduce screen time, and can they send one on eg a Saturday you can show him before bed as part of your routine?

YABVU - this is a way for your parents to connect with their grandchild. Your child loves the videos. I think it's lovely that they are holding their grandchild in mind when they see something they think he will like. I don't get what the problem is. Why wouldn't you support them to connect and build a relationship with your child? You don't have to respond straight away, just when you get a chance.

I do this with my grandson. He is older, but it's a lot of in jokes and he really enjoys them. Sometimes I just send pictures with a comment for his mum to read to him. We then have a little to and fro. He might send video messages to my friends or my friends children if he has a particular question or wants to visit. This is how children communicate with other these days. When I have my grandson he sends videos and photos to his mum using my Facebook messenger.

I agree with other posters who mention that there are always people complaining that their parents aren't interested in their grandchildren. Your parents clearly are!! It's adorable.

Oh for crying out loud, that's not what's happening here. Perfectly fine to disagree with OP but this is a very unfair comment.

I think it's nice they want to be so involved. The know a toddler won't have much attention span for a video call, but probably would watch a video. Their heart is in the right place.

Oh for gawds sake - a 2 minute video doesn't t take a day to watch/respond to. This generation didn’t invent working full time, kids and grandparents. 🙄

OMG, they want a full critique?
Is your son Barry Norman?

I'd just lie and say he likes the colours.
Rinse and repeat.

eta I wouldn't bother showing him all of them either, maybe one or two a week and only once.

Totally agree.

They sound pretty demanding and annoying. Just ignore the follow up questions.

I'm with you op. I honestly envy a time when there was no social media, and a phone call every now and then, and a proper catch up when seeing the person. We don't need constant updates, even now dm will ask how we are the day before she is coming over for the entire day! The irony is dm would have hated this when my siblings and I were little.

Ha ha. In that case I would be sorely tempted to send them something commenting on the clever camera angles, use of lighting etc and reference a few film directors.

It would depend on frequency. If it’s two or three a week - fine. If it was two or three a day - not fine. I guess they’re doting grandparents and love to share with your dc. Indulge them. As long as it’s not a few times a day of course, as that’s unrealistic to expect you to be interrupted with daily routines when so many.

I think I would say we are really trying to avoid use of a screen and would you give him a call (phone call) instead with your news or what about printing out a few pictures and putting a little book together for him that you could read or look through together at bedtime/on a rainy day?

I’m not sure I’d be pushing more screens than absolutely necessary on a toddler.

It’s ok OP to find this a little frustrating- it’s one small things amongst the many many small things you have to remember, reply to and organise every day. Yes it’s lovely, and not something to reject entirely, but it would be completely reasonable to say “we can’t always watch and respond to messages immediately, I’ll do it when I can, please don’t chase me”.

@saraclara I had all the time in the world to send and receive little videos when I was on mat leave, but that changed as my child got older and other responsibilities crept up again. It’s about capacity not personality and OP does not need guilt tripping.

Yes, because it’s bloody weird to do this for a toddler.

Then save these up and show them when they visit. Sending videos to her to “connect” with him isn’t what you seem to think it is.

I think I would speak to them and say do you know what, for some reason over the last month or so any screen time at all seems to send him loopy! So weird. He loves being sent things from you though - would you consider letters in the post? I'll pay for stamps. 😊

Neither did “boomers” invent berating the younger generations for doing things they don’t understand.

Can you ask them to just send one/some at one time of the week?

They won't realise its such a job for you: they have tunnel vision 🙂

They are not satisfied with a heart emoji 😂. There would definitely be follow up questions from them about exactly what he thought of the video and which bits in particular he liked.

If you have to follow up every one with an annotated essay, footnotes and all, then they are being totally unreasonable. They may be doing it for a connection, but it's a connection you don't have the headspace to facilitate.

If grandparents aren't going to change, as a compromise could you show them via a PC/ laptop screen or cast to a TV instead of handing over your phone? I think even WhatsApp has an android app for tablet computers... You could say you are no longer handing your phone to your child for whatever reason (internet safety/ so they don't drop and break it/ germs - I'd just say whatever is likely to be met with the least resistance!)

If it’s not fitting in with your day, then yes, don’t show it but tell them he loved it! And move on.