Irritated by grandparent videos for toddler

[Movingstressangst]

My parents keep sending videos for us to show our toddler. Usually of themselves/an animal they've seen. Generally around 1-2 mins long. If I don't respond (working full time/busy active lives) then they chase a few hours later to ask what he thought of the video.

My son likes them. Obviously because he's 2 he wants to watch them over and over and then often gets upset when I take the phone away.

Aibu to find this whole rigmarole really bloody irritating 😂? It's just a faff. More controversially wibu to just pretend I have shown them to him... I've been scrupulously honest so far and have genuinely shown them to him.

I am still quite young and a mother of two. I find it astonishing how many women today choose to be mothers but simultaneously complain about the challenges of managing everything. I have a demanding workload balancing my children and a high-responsibility full-time job, yet I can’t understand the hysteria from some mothers, like this piglet89, who turn what should be handled with irony and a calm mindset into a battleground. My mother worked full-time in the eighties, came home late, cooked, played with me, talked to me, and did laundry. She had my older brother in the early seventies without maternity leave and no disposable nappies, so she had a lot on her plate. Now we're discussing how a few videos from grandparents can trigger a mental breakdown in some people. Honestly, this platform helps me see why I relate to very few mothers. @mercilousmingjust ignore that piglet89 who probably needs a bit of perspective in life.

I love this!

Fortunately OP is at least aware that she's probably BU, but some of the posts on here are just nuts.

My mother worked full-time in the eighties, came home late, cooked, played with me, talked to me, and did laundry. She had my older brother in the early seventies without maternity leave and no disposable nappies, so she had a lot on her plate. Now we're discussing how a few videos from grandparents can trigger a mental breakdown in some people

I laughed at this!

Thank you @saraclaraand nice to meet you! We got to laugh!

Surely this is the point that needs to be made ?

Aww that's so rude! They just want to be part of his life - which is lovely.

@Movingstressangst can't you pick a time (after bath and before story, say) to show them to him. Tell your parents that's what you are doing and you'll respond later that evening.

Edit: sorry, hadn't read your update about evening screen time. Totally respect that, but I'm sure you can find a regular time to do it. Establishing it as a regular thing should make it easier to get the screen away at the end too.

I limit screen time too, but 2 mins a day of a video of grandparents showing something interesting is different to sitting on a screen playing a game!

Honestly really can’t believe people can be so mean as to resent taking less than 5 mins to show these to their children - I feel really sorry for these grandparents and hope I never have such mean daughter in laws!

Utilise this time when your toddler can't disagree with you/reveal it to practice your white lies. "DS loved the parrot and the stars", "DS was fascinated by X"... then show them to him quickly before a real life visit. It's sweet your parents want to connect and I'd love to have family wanting to be this connected - but toddlers are hard to manage around phones so using white lies to balance these two realities is absolutely fine.

Also - everyone who has said "its only 20 seconds" has clearly never dealt with a toddler having a meltdown because they want to keep watching that video clip for another 100 times and you won't let them. My two are great kids, i get plenty of remarks about how well behaved they are but I would loathe the thought of daily negotiations over my phone with them.

@supercalifrawere either you or your brother neurodiverse? Or are your kids? Do you have a support network (siblings/practically involved grandparents)? Do you live in a stressful part of the country (I live in London, which is pretty high stress).

I am an only child and my parents have proved pretty weak at providing any kind of support (even emotional support from afar). We’ve had to build a kind of urban “village” to make our own support.

These factors are among the things that really change how easy (or otherwise) one finds parenting.

You mention your mum doing laundry and talking to you. To give one example, before my son began treatment for his neurodivergence, talking to him often felt like a massive disconnect because of his quite severe ability to attend to what I was saying to him and respond. This is just one element of many that makes my experience of mothering different from yours and your mother’s: and probably more difficult. Our respective personalities play a part too, of course.

Im quite confident that I don’t enjoy parenting younger kids that much and I’ll come into my own once my child’s older. Many of us are like that, and that’s ok.

I stand by my opinion that, when other things are taking up one’s parenting bandwidth, having GPs send videos and chase for feedback is annoying - and, judging by the results of the poll, many agree with me.

Darling, I also have a disabled daughter, my eldest, and her condition is quite severe. Don’t make assumptions. Because of this, I tend to see life from a perspective where most things can be taken lightly, especially a couple of videos from grandparents. I believe your response to the other poster was unnecessarily harsh and aggressive for such a small issue. Maybe you’re overwhelmed with other things, but keeping perspective is crucial, especially when facing bigger problems.

@supercalifrafair enough.

"I don't experience this so therefore anyone who does must have something wrong with them"

😂😂😂