About my dad’s behaviour at Christmas? Or is this normal for his age?

[MyFlakyPombear]

My dad is early 70s, has never been very active but no significant health issues. My parents downsized, but still wanted to host me, my DH and 2 year old DD at Christmas. Due to distance we stayed 4 nights.

i feel irritated that much all my dad said during the whole visit was how tired he was and he ‘doesn’t know how we do it with DD’. She was full on while we were there, including running in and out of the living room carrying things and playing a drum (which grandparents bought her!), and playing music on a toy. But that was interspersed with quieter reading, drawing etc and also time when we took her out so not constant. I feel my dad made no effort to help us or engage her while we were there, beyond reading her some books. She tripped over his legs at one point because she was running past and he didn’t bother to move them!

AIBU that he could have made a bit more effort and been less negative, given we were there for a short period of time? Or is this just what happens when you’re older?

he wasn’t tired from hosting btw as me, my DH and DM did all that.

There were 4 adults and one child! Plenty of adults to supervise and play. Obviously you need to host next year.

Well, if it's any consolation I wouldn't have cared if they nuked my account. I'm just here for the lols.

Gosh, I’m going to disagree here. Early 70s is not old. My dad at this age was taking dd out to the park, playing football with her, reading with her, playing with her.

and 😂 at buying her a drum then not liking her playing with the drum!

I’d book a holiday home next time so you can all have your own space.

You're a man, so naturally you know it all. Plus ça change...

OP, Your dad is in his early 70's , your 2 year old DD should not be running around in their house as you need to consider his physical stamina & stability. You're annoyed he didn't move his legs as she ran past, but really you should be teaching your child to be careful around older people. You say he wasn't tired from hosting , but he was quite possibly mentally drained from extra people staying in his home, yes you are family but he's not used to having you all at such close quarters in his every day life anymore & you can't just switch on when others want you to.
My DH is also in his early 70's and his physical abilities have changed a lot this last couple of years, he finds it frustrating that he can't do all the things he used to do and that he needs to nap often because he tires so easily now, he can't help it.
Maybe keep your visit shorter next time and be more considerate of his needs.

It honestly depends on the person. My dad's like this early 70s, doesn't really play with my 4 year old nephew but will chat to him. My father in law, who has now passed away, would play with my kids when young and he was that age. He taught them card games, domino's, would play fight etc and take them on days out.

And another...getting absolutely sick of all this pathetic boomer shit...who the hell do they think they are

I just hope that if I live into my 70s in decent health, and if I have grandchildren that I get to see, that I remember how incredibly lucky I am. I hope I remember how many people would love to be grandparents but don’t get to be or don’t live to be.

That poster was quoting what a previous poster wrote.

Agreed @neilyoungismyhero. You’re right. It is pathetic to write,
Boomers really are incredible [sic] selfish. Don't know what happened to them.
OP’s Boomer father admitted to being tired and in awe of his DD and SiL’s stamina.
No shit Sherlock.

I probably would have seen his comment ‘I don’t know how you do it’ as a compliment actually.

It’s not easy keeping up with a 2 year old, they need constant watching and entertainment, and your dad was impressed that you were managing it!

I get the legs thing. It’s so annoying that someone sitting down can still manage to take up so much space and get in the way 😂

Totally agree. He's in his 70s , even if no significant health worries his energy levels will be down. I am younger and find young children exhausting, hosting is extremely tiring too...give him a break!!

Don't stay with them. It's too much in a small space, they might want to host but maybe aren't really up to it for 4 nights now. Find an Airbnb or something if you can afford it, visit for shorter periods, go out together, have meals together etc. Most 2 year olds are hard work OP - I don't know how we did it looking back, but likely it's because I was 15 years or more younger! I wouldn't take it too personally, he's getting older and more tired, more likely to be overstimulated by the kind of things 2 year olds just do because they're, well, only 2!

Reading her some books is more than my mum, dad, MIL and FIL have ever done for our DC.

Full on Kids aren't just physically exhausting, they are also unbelievably boring which can also make people tired. Not everyone enjoys the company of demanding noisy kids. Amazing but true.

My dad is 80 (and lost DM last year). He does get really tired when I go round with DS. He's 5, autistic and very very full on.
Dad will play with DS but it's quite limited and I know he wishes he could run around with him like he did his older GC (older GC range from 27-16) but at his age I don't expect him to do much.
Saying I don't know how you do it isn't criticism. Sounds like he's complimenting you.
4 days is a lot, especially if the house is small so I agree it might be easier to stay close by.

What a load of crap with this boomer stuff !! My 2 grandkids and their parents came over for EIGHT days over Christmas. I cooked , entertained , played , read , tidied up after them , took them out , etc . I was first up in the morning sometimes while their parents slept and everyday their mum took a nap with the younger one and I had the older one . My husband entertains and plays with them too . We go overboard way and beyond . And they too also run around the house with the high pitch screaming at times . And this is not just at Christmas. They come to ours for a couple of days every few weeks . Good old boomers huh !

I don't think early 70s is that old in this day and age. My in laws are a similar age and they are very active grandparents.

I also do think he should have moved his legs! People on mumsnet really do hate small children!

Four days to stay in someone else's small house with a toddler is too long. Next time you stay in an air bnb nearby maybe or they come to you.

2yrs are full on and if a small house it’s going to be manic and add in drums 🙀😂

stay in own home next year. Tell them now to give them warning

or drive down 24th and back again after lunch on Boxing Day

4 nights is too much

It's 2 year old ,no bloody way I could expect my 2 year old stay calmly all day at someone's house. Kids are not robots.

If only more were like you. You sound great.

They may not be robots but they’re more than capable of understanding that they can’t run around at granddads like they can at home.

As people have said about moving his legs - I’m sure he knew to move them but he may not have been physically able to do it quickly enough.

My dad is in his seventies, super fit (did marathons and still goes fell running) but even he isn’t as quick as he used to be and struggles moving his knees and legs quickly when he’s sitting down.

Will maybe get my mum’s take on this and whether she found it rude

Yeah. Stir things up a bit.

If its all so reasonable that he should not have to put up with toddlers being annoying or hard work, then he shouldn't ask them to stay.
Not everyone has stepford children.
It's a 2 year old. People need to be realistic about the wide range of normal behaviour.
Old people have short memories about children, especially the ones that likely did less of the actual parenting and more of the hitting