To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

Eye rolling in response to a ridiculous overreaction is completely normal behaviour.

So? Does that somehow mean it's toxic or impossible to clean up? 🙄

So? Does that somehow mean it's toxic or impossible to clean up? 🙄

They were not really doing any harm and you have really embarrassed your daughter. Yes preteen/teen girls can be awful. It is a phase. You should not have sent them home. Perhaps the parents had planned a night out if they didn’t have their child. They could have already been out.

They're 11 year old kids having a laugh.

Why couldn't OP just let them get on with it and tell them "make sure you clean up after yourselves please"?

Honestly. Stop taking life so seriously, you might enjoy it more.

No I would t ha e sent them home, just make them clear it up, it's only water!

Huge overreaction! I think you need to work on reparing your relationship with your daughter asap. Otherwise you risk her not wanting to come to you when something is wrong in fear of your reaction.

I'd have laughed and said clear it up when you've finished playing. Boys are far worse. Water (and worse)on the floor pretty much daily just from being a boy! 🤣🤣🤣

You need to chill out.

I get teaching responsibility and respect for your house, but she's a kid. Let her be one.

I'm not surprised they rolled their eyes.

I’m a clean freak but I wouldn’t have sent them home.

I would have handed them towels and told
them to enjoy but I wanted it cleaned up after.

This.
I feel so sorry for your daughter, this is going to be all round school by now, no wonder she's not speaking to you, she'll be mortified, and very upset. Hope it was worth it?

As an aside, how on earth are you going to cope when they're teenagers and start off and at your house having "pre's" before heading out ...now that does get a bit messy lively! And I loved it, a kitchen full of teenagers having a laugh was just brilliant!
Actually, don't worry about it, nobody is going to want to come anywhere near you, your dd will just go out all the time and you'll have absolutely no idea what she's doing then....

Weird replies. I think that’s a disgusting game to play in the kitchen and they were lucky you didn’t send them outside. That’s an outside game. If it’s too cold tough.

Not ideal but definitely an overreaction on your part. I think she will have been really embarrassed and her friends will probably tell other friends (but only from their side obviously and not the fact that they were eye rolling / being rude)
Will your DD want them to come over again? That could be tricky (or maybe you won’t want them there - but she probably will)

She’s at the age where she / her friends are morphing into pre teens so I would learn to expect some boundary pushing.
DD is 18 now and DS 15. I have never seen anything like that from DS’s friends but I have with the odd friend of DDs when she was younger (they are all absolutely lovely and polite / respectful now) .

I would have very firmly told them to stop and let the friends know I had seen their eye rolling which would have embarrassed them and your DD. But I wouldn’t have sent anyone home.

I am not saying what they did was ok - at all… but I do think that this was a knee jerk over the top reaction on your part.

It's only water, so unless you have some kind of flooring that's likely to be damaged by water (not a great idea in a kitchen) I wouldn't really care as long as they cleaned it up afterwards. It's quite a sweetly childish game to be honest - I was worried they were going to be looking at inappropriate stuff on the internet or making prank calls or something......

I also think you really embarrassed your daughter, and knowing how mean kids that age can be, potentially damaged her friendships. Not something I would ever do to my child.

Even if I was really cross with her about sleepover behaviour, unless it was actively dangerous or destructive I would wait and properly have it out with her after the friends left.....

To me, you owe her an apology, OP. But clearly your relationship with your daughter is very different from mine with mine.

(My daughter is a well behaved respectful girl who is open and honest with me. I believe because I show her respect and tolerance in return).

and those saying “it’s just water!” No, it’s also spit/bodily fluid. IN A KITCHEN.

When you spray water when you laugh it is not contained in a neat little puddle, the spray droplets will potentially have been over surfaces where food is prepared.

Theres a reason spitting at someone is classed as assault in the uk.

I’m by no means uptight but even I the line at spit all over my kitchen.

We have children around our house regularly. My children are 11 and 8 and their friends are a decent bunch but obviously there have been moments.

If they’re doing something I don’t like I’ll ask them, if they’re don’t stop it I’ll pull my own child aside and tell them to sort it out. I have never had to go further than that.

This wouldn’t have bothered me. I’d probably have asked them to do it on a towel so it could go straight in the washing machine.

I am fairly chilled out though. I’m not trying to be a ‘cool mum’ and I try and stay out of the way but I want my kids and their friends to be welcome here as they get older and if they think they’ll be sent home/ told off that won’t happen.

They sound rude & brattish - I would have done differently, but you weren't unreasonable. Sleepovers aren't a human right. The replies on here are terrible - no wonder there are major behavioural issues in schools with constant low-level disruption.

Oh well, let’s just accept other people’s bodily fluids on our kitchen floor because they’re non-toxic and can be cleaned up. 🤮

Torn on this OP although I completely understand your reaction. Your DD needs a serious word in private and definitely needs new friends. They sound ghastly, but I'd be very concerned that your DD is that kind of girl too.

I mean, she told them multiple times and they ignored her and continued

YANBU, I wish I was more like this. You asked them to stop and they didn’t and so there was a consequence. IMO your own child should have been more conscious that the behaviour isn’t what you would be happy with and told them to stop.

I'd be so pissed off too but I know I'm really uptight! I manage it by taking a deep breath and thinking about what sort of household I want to be.

DC is an only and I want her to grow up having loads of friends over, having a few parties etc so as long as they aren't actually damaging anything I try to take a deep breath amd remember that that's the goal and decide whether to pick the battle.

It's hard but I try to remember home is a feeling and there's not much that can't be rectified. Water can be cleaned.

The only problem with the game was the mess on the floor but as long as it was an easy to clean floor and they did clean it up then no harm done.
I think you overreacted.

You are a fun sponge.
It is the try not to laugh challenge.
yabvu and a bit embarrassing.
I would have suggested they play the game on the patio

I have seen this many times online with adults and children.
I probably would have put some old towels down and had a go myself.
You have embarrassed your daughter big time and totally overreacted.
I wouldn't send my child back to yours in a hurry.

Yes sorry OP - you overreacted!